Tempted to be bad when drinking?

[Jezah]

Ok, so my issue is I am a recently reformed partygirl. My SO is the same, except partyboy. This usually is no issue EXCEPT when we drink on Skype together. Its like any loyalty I have to him goes out the window once I am drunk. As long as he is still on and talking to me I am fine, but with the 5 hour time difference he usually goes to bed by 10pm my time and that leaves like 4 hours for me to go to the bar and get into trouble. I hate this because I love him, and I want to be loyal...but when I have a few beers in me I don't seem to care anymore and all I want is to go out and have fun. It bothers me, but I also don't want to stop drinking since I enjoy it. I don't know, I am just so annoyed with it. Its the first problem we have had really because of the distance, him not physically being here makes it so hard for me to resist going out with boys who are....at least when drunk. Anyone have any advice? Just commiserating? I feel like poo

[CaptainKaz]

When you say "have fun", do you mean it in the "have fun" by letting your hair down and generally being loud and loutish way, or the "have fun" in the grabbing a random man by the crown jewels and eating his face way?

If it's the former, I say there's no harm in partying every now and then. If it's the latter, wear something constantly that reminds you of him - like a bracelet he got you, for instance - so when you raise that hand to grab another guy to dance with, you'll see that bracelet and take a step back. And maybe fall on your bum if you're anything like me when drunk.

Or if it's something he enjoys doing too, perhaps consider some form of open relationship where you're both allowed a certain amount of freedom - say, kissing someone else, but nothing further.

[Mara]

Don't mean to be harsh, but I think if you can't handle yourself when you have a few beers in you, then you shouldn't drink or drink to the point that you don't have full control of yourself or what you are doing. If you drink to the point you do things you wouldn't normally do, you don't need to be drinking or drinking to that extent.

[garnet]

I agree with Mara. Stop before you're drunk. If you want to drink to the point of tipsy, yet you can be in control, okay... but I assume your relationship, is more important to you than the enjoyment of drunkenness.

[Minerva]

I agree you might have to stop going out and drinking if this is an issue for you. If your HBB means a lot to you (and from everything you've posted here, he seems to), and you can't trust yourself, you owe it to him to stop. Otherwise you're tempting a lot of hurt and guilt just because you don't want to give up the party.

The problem with drinking, even a little, is it lowers your inhibitions (as you surely know), and you may use that as an excuse to cheat, even if you haven't had that much to drink.

I know it sucks, but there's a lot to LDRs that's hard, and to me the solution to this is a no-brainer.

Good luck.

Edit to add... you know, the other issue with this is, if you give up going out, you might start resenting him. So I suppose the solution isn't quite a no-brainer... hmmm. I'm not sure. I guess you just have to decide what's most important to you and go with that.

[YorkshireLass]

I just want to echo what the others have said really, but with the additional suggestion of perhaps seeing if you can find another way to have fun? As Minerva mentioned, if you feel like he's stopping you from enjoying yourself, there's a good chance you'll come to resent him for it - but the best way to avoid temptation is still to not put yourself in its way! IMHO, if you can find a way to have as much fun without alcohol as you do with, it can only be a good thing (for your relationship and your health ). That's not to say you should never go out and have a few drinks, of course; just maybe cut back until you feel more confident that you won't lose control, or only go out when a friend can go with you and make sure you don't do anything you'll regret.

[Nate]

we are the same! we drink together, then she goes to bed and i am tempted to go to the club then (and probably jump somebodys bones... :o) i get very sexual, when i am drunk and easily frustrated because she is not here then. we talked about that last time, i told her what could happen and that i didn't want that to happen. so she suggested, that, when we drink together, (it's a six hour difference between us and it's always late/early at my place when she goes to bed then) that she waits until i fall asleep. if that doesen't work because she is too tired she REMINDS me to who i belong. that works. meybe you should talk to him about this (when you're not drunk)
otherwise i agree with the others: stop drinking before you loose control, wear something which reminds you of him or put a picture with a note from him next to you (on the note you just write that he'll be sad and mad if you do something with other guys) or if you have the urge to go out, look in the mirror and ask yourself if that is really what you want. (guilt can be such a horrible feeling and a moodkiller! )

[lucybelle]

Don't stop drinking (I love it too!), just give yourself a limit and STICK TO IT. Maybe you can only have 3 drinks a night. That's it. Drink them slow if you want to make them last.

[Rosebud]

Don't mean to be harsh, but I think if you can't handle yourself when you have a few beers in you, then you shouldn't drink or drink to the point that you don't have full control of yourself or what you are doing. If you drink to the point you do things you wouldn't normally do, you don't need to be drinking or drinking to that extent.

I have to agree (with what is written here as well as what others have said). You already realize that when you drink you don't have full control of your actions. This isn't new to you. So if you don't feel you have the capacity to control yourself once you've drank, then this is a decision you have to make before you even take a sip. Yes, going out is fun, but is that fun worth the potential loss of your boyfriend if you wind up doing something you'll regret later? Which is more fun? Partying and messing around with guys? Or being in a loving and trusting relationship with your man that could potentially last a lifetime?

[Malaga]

In addition to what others have said, I just wonder if you ever talked to your boyfriend about this? As far as I understand, he also posts on this forum, so I assume he already knows about this issue. How does he feel about it?

[prideandpromise]

I agree with others...set a limit to how much you drink. Certainly you can enjoy yourself with a buzz, without getting so tipsy you feel ambitious enough to search someone out. Perhaps discussing an open relationship would be a good idea, but I don't think saying, "Just kissing someone is okay..." will work, because who has it in them when they are drunk and kissing someone, to resist going further? Think about how you would feel if he went out and was too out of control to turn down a woman's temptation. Would it hurt you? Definitely agree with the wearing a reminder, and thinking about the reverse of your actions.

[Rugger]

You honestly need to decide what is more important to you:him or drinking. If you cannot handle yourself while you are drunk, then you either need to stop/limit your drinking or break up with your boyfriend.

I love to party. I like to go out with my friends, dance and drink, but even blacked out, I would never be tempted to cheat on my SO. In fact, if a guy tries to touch me when I'm dancing, I punch him away from me.