Ended
I never thought I'd be here posting this. Last week my SO and I broke up. It was me that did it =/
The main reason for me was the fact that I was 19, had been with him for almost 2 and a half years, and I was curious about other things. He's been so sure that I'm the one for him right now but I wasn't able to reciprocate those feelings--I had had my share of doubts in the relationship because of the distance and our futures. Anyway, my SO had had his fair share of experience of other women while he had been my first EVERYthing.
We did two years of long distance, most of the time seeing each other once a month at least, but it still wasn't enough for me. At times I felt like my needs weren't being met because I wanted someone more readily available but I stuck it out because I loved him and wanted to be with him. He's going to be living in my city for a semester or two before going back to school upstate... which is sadly hilarious as it's such ironic timing. I stood by him for the past 2+ years and I had started getting these curious feelings last year which I spoke to him about. We decided if they came up again we'd talk again. Last year was the first year I was living on campus at my college so I figured it was just a transition thing.
A part of me feels that this is what's best for me right now at least but another part cannot bear the guilt and sadness I feel. I didn't want to continue the relationship having these curious feelings because that would have been completely unfair to him. I'm still in love with him which makes it that much harder and he's still in love with me. Sometimes I start thinking about him and I'll randomly end up in tears. Yesterday we had our "goodbye" which was so heartbreaking for the both of us. I lost both my best friend and boyfriend and sometimes I just feel like my world is going to crash on me--and it's only been a couple days!
I've been going through the motions... I hate to bring sadness and pessimism to this forum but I just felt like I had to reach out. I feel like I've talked my friend's ears off already with my heartbreak :[
The main reason for me was the fact that I was 19, had been with him for almost 2 and a half years, and I was curious about other things. He's been so sure that I'm the one for him right now but I wasn't able to reciprocate those feelings--I had had my share of doubts in the relationship because of the distance and our futures. Anyway, my SO had had his fair share of experience of other women while he had been my first EVERYthing.
We did two years of long distance, most of the time seeing each other once a month at least, but it still wasn't enough for me. At times I felt like my needs weren't being met because I wanted someone more readily available but I stuck it out because I loved him and wanted to be with him. He's going to be living in my city for a semester or two before going back to school upstate... which is sadly hilarious as it's such ironic timing. I stood by him for the past 2+ years and I had started getting these curious feelings last year which I spoke to him about. We decided if they came up again we'd talk again. Last year was the first year I was living on campus at my college so I figured it was just a transition thing.
A part of me feels that this is what's best for me right now at least but another part cannot bear the guilt and sadness I feel. I didn't want to continue the relationship having these curious feelings because that would have been completely unfair to him. I'm still in love with him which makes it that much harder and he's still in love with me. Sometimes I start thinking about him and I'll randomly end up in tears. Yesterday we had our "goodbye" which was so heartbreaking for the both of us. I lost both my best friend and boyfriend and sometimes I just feel like my world is going to crash on me--and it's only been a couple days!
I've been going through the motions... I hate to bring sadness and pessimism to this forum but I just felt like I had to reach out. I feel like I've talked my friend's ears off already with my heartbreak :[
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