frustration/resentment?

[kaitycat]

Does anyone out there ever feel resentment towards his or her LDR partner?

Very recently I moved ten hours away from my guy. I had to move because my US visa expired and I wasn’t able to get another one, meaning I had to return to Canada.

I haven’t been in my new area very long, and haven’t managed to find a job or build any friendships. I know things will improve with time, eventually I will find work, friends and build a routine. But at the moment I spend a lot of time by myself, and I feel really, really down.

My guy on the other hand has a great job that keeps him really busy and lots of friends. I know this sounds terrible, but sometimes when he calls me and tells me about his success at work or how much fun he’s having I feel a little resentment towards him. I love him, and am very proud of him, but since I’ve moved I sometimes find myself irrationally angry with him, even though logically I know this situation is not his fault. Its not his fault that I’m having trouble adjusting to my new area.

I havn’t shared this with him. I don’t want to be mean or cause a fight. Lately I’ve been avoiding his calls and pushing him off the phone, mostly because I don’t want him to know how angry or sad I feel. I also don’t want to burden him with my problems. I know he would be supportive, but I don't think all our conversations should be about how sad I am.

I guess what I’m asking is, is this normal? Does anyone ever feel so frustrated by their LDR situation that they’re just plain mad? If so, how do you deal?

[morgan(:]

Well, yeah. I mean, in my situation I moved back home and I had a few friends and an old job to return to. However my SO is back in the town where we lived together with all of OUR friends, and he's always having fun with them. It makes me so jealous sometimes. :hugs

[Minerva]

You can't hold this in. Share with him, tell him you're having trouble adjusting. You may think you're burdening him, but what you're really doing is fostering growing resentment, and resentment is a cancer to relationships -- sometimes fatal.

He loves you, he'd want to know you're unhappy. Don't hide a part of yourself from your SO, it isn't healthy for your relationship. People have ups and downs, relationships do as well. Would you be happy to find out your SO was miserable but pretended to be happy, and let resentment grow whenever he talked to you? I'm betting you wouldn't be.

So be open and honest and don't hide parts of yourself away. Always talk.

Good luck with both your situation and your relationship.

(I'm learning to do all this myself, btw. )

[Hollis]

What kind of relationship is it if one is enjoying life and the other is completely miserable and won't even mention it to their partner because they "don't want to burden"? That's not right. It's worse to keep that in and pretend nothing is wrong. You need to let him know how you feel.

[lucybelle]

You need to tell him how you feel. Maybe not all of it. Just that you've been feeling down lately or whatever. But to continue "pushing him off the phone" or "avoiding phone calls" is just going to make him think something's wrong. Which it is. Tell him!

[jennten]

Since my boyfriend and I each went to our respective home states for the summer, he's been spending a lot of time with his friends, and I would be as well, except most of mine are working or stayed at their universities over the summer. I know how you feel, except I wouldn't avoid his calls, I'd always talk to him and he could tell I was bummed. I have an instinct not to talk to him about problems I might be having, probably out of some feeling of not wanting to burden him, but once he knew I was upset, he'd ALWAYS make me tell him what was wrong and talk through it with me. I have much fewer days when I'm jealous of the fun he's having now, since we've already talked out so many of these issues. Definitely talk about it. If something's bothering you, always talk about it. You will feel so much better, I promise.

[morgan(:]

You can't hold this in. Share with him, tell him you're having trouble adjusting. You may think you're burdening him, but what you're really doing is fostering growing resentment, and resentment is a cancer to relationships -- sometimes fatal.

He loves you, he'd want to know you're unhappy. Don't hide a part of yourself from your SO, it isn't healthy for your relationship. People have ups and downs, relationships do as well. Would you be happy to find out your SO was miserable but pretended to be happy, and let resentment grow whenever he talked to you? I'm betting you wouldn't be.

So be open and honest and don't hide parts of yourself away. Always talk.

Good luck with both your situation and your relationship.

(I'm learning to do all this myself, btw. )

Yes, this. Actually about 45 minutes ago while I was talking to my SO I was telling him how jealous I am that he gets to go see a movie with our friends, and that he got to play darts and get a beer with them, and that he actually gets to BE in my favorite city in the entire world. He was just like, "I'm sorry babe... if you were here we'd do all those things, too" which just makes me miss it more haha but at least I got it out of my system. Just talk to him. :]

[Nate]

i can just agree with the others! tell him how you feel. you don't have to cause a fight or stuff but just tell him, that you are sad and frustrated.

i feel this too sometimes, my SO does too. but we talk about it and comfort each other, being supportive. and we never feel like we burden each other. it's quite the opposite, i WANT to know how she is doing, and if she is feeling miserable i want to be the one who comforts her.

carry that arround over a long time isn't healthy at all. not for you, not for your realtionship not for him. Because someday the outburst comes. and then it'll be worse. Communication is the key

good luck you two! and stay strong!