Basically, my SO might be coming to see me next weekend and we were discussing how exactly I would get to his hotel and stuff, and I said I could see him all day saturday but that I was going to see the new Harry Potter film at nine with my friends. He said I should cancel and go and see him, and I said no because Harry Potter actually is one of my favourite things of all time and me and my just as fanatical friend had planned to go and it was really important to both of us, and I knew I couldn't let her down. But he got annoyed and said that he couldn't believe that I could put a movie before him so I calmly explained how important it was to me but he's still annoyed. I didn't get annoyed with him and I said I was sorry. Also he could just as easily come the weekend after instead. Who is in the wrong here?
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Your absence has not taught me how to be alone, it merely has shown that when together we cast a single shadow on the wall. ~ Doug Fetherling -
Why can't he go with you?"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love " ~ Theodore Seuss Geisel. -
Erm, how often do you see each other? Is it a big deal for your SO to make the trip? When did you make the plans to see the movie? Before or after the visit plans? If you made the plans to see the movie before he planned to see you and he knew about it then I think he needs to deal. If you made them before but he didn't know it, then I can see why he's upset. If the movie plan just recently came up after the visit plans, then again, I'd be annoyed, as he seems to be.Comment
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he said he doesn't want to and he'd rather spend proper time with me as he's not really a HP fanOriginally posted by Rugger View Post
---------- Post added at 01:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:11 AM ----------
I made the plans before but very recently so I have told him, and then tonight he just sprung it on me that he might come visit.Originally posted by garnet View Post
Your absence has not taught me how to be alone, it merely has shown that when together we cast a single shadow on the wall. ~ Doug FetherlingComment
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hm...
i can understand him...i mean i wouldn't be thrilled if my SO rather goes and see a movie than spend time with me...
but i can't understand why he just won't go with you (i mean it's what...2 hours of the movie then?!)
i don't think there is a wrong or right here...but if the trip is a big deal for him...i's be annoyed to...and if you guys don't see each other often then i'd be annoyed too...
frankly i can understand him totallyComment
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Well if he knew you had the plans before he decided to maybe visit, I think he needs to just suck it up.Comment
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He sprang the plans on you. You had plans to go see the move first. He needs to deal with the fact that you have a life other than him."We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love " ~ Theodore Seuss Geisel.Comment
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I feel that perhaps it really depends on how often you see him...if I understood correctly, he knew you had plans before? Then I dunno, I would probably just suck it up I suppose. If I were him I really would just go with you though.
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I dunno, couples go on movie dates all the time. It definitely counts as spending time with you. Even if I hated Harry Potter (totally don't, btw) I'd still go with my SO to see it if it were important to him/it meant we could spend more time together.Comment
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Why not make a compromise? Tell him if he goes with you to the movie Saturday Night, he can choose the activities for Friday night/ Sunday. And honestly, in my opinion if he really doesn't want to go, then you're going to have to suck it up. The movie will still be in theaters after he leaves... sometimes when it comes to small things it's better to be happy than to be right.Comment
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Even if I was completely against something and not a fan, I would go. Its what 2-3 hrs of a movie, and its not like sitting through it will be torture. But on the other hand it also depends on who is willing to give a little and compromise. You could also go for seeing the movie the next weekend, though he could also visit the next weekend.Comment
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I see movies that I don't want to see all the bloody time because my SO wants to see them. I think he should suck it up and go with you, honestly. No one is in the wrong though - and seeking a "right and wrong" approach can damage your relationship
Better to try and understand each other. Good luck!
Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person
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You know what? I've always hated when my girlfriends dumped plans with me at the last minute to do something with their boyfriends. It's not a cool way to treat a friend.
I know it's an LDR and the rules are a little different, but if he can come this weekend or next, he must not be that far, so it's not like he's coming from Istanbul and you only see him when 17 year cicadas come out.
You made plans with a friend. He knew about those plans. You explained how important those plans are. He's not really respecting your feelings, but instead dismissing them: "it's just a movie." Well, to you it's not, it's time with a friend doing something you really enjoy. I get he wants to be with you, I get he's disappointed. But he should roll up the guilt-trip because that's not awesome to do over something his girlfriend thinks is important.Comment
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When it comes down to it, it's about compromise. I don't think you should cancel plans you already made with your friend, and since I'm going to the midnight premiere and dressing up and am a Harry Potter fan, I understand that seeing the last movie is going to be fun and important to those of us who have grown up with it! Compromise is important in relationships. When I go visit my SO, sometimes he already has plans set up that week - once a week his friends and him meet up for a beer and to discuss classes and jobs they're working on. When I visit, I simply tag along. These meet ups are important to him and his friends, and though I don't drink beer and I get bored listening to them talk, I enjoy just being near him, and love when he glances over at me smiling and grabs my hand under the table. I think your SO needs to suck it up. I don't know the best way for you to tell him to do this, lol. He'll be spending time with you, regardless. If he's worried that he's spending money for gas and the hotel just to see you for less time than he thought, tell him to come next weekend instead!
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I agree with the others that your SO needs to suck it up and go with you or just deal with the fact that you have plans. And these plans only take a few hours out of the whole weekend, so to me it is really a non-issue. He can either go with you, or he can find something else to occupy his time for a few hours. Or, he can come an alternate weekend. I also give props to you for keeping the plans with your friend because a lot of people would probably ditch their friend in the same situation.
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