I haven't heard from Francesco in a week

[WhiteValkyrie]

It is tearing me apart and I just wish I knew what happened.

We "met" on mylanguageexchange.com and talked for 2 or 3 weeks, became wonderful friends. He offered to show me around Italy when I came, and pick me up at the airport, make a fun movie with me about our trip and adventure together. We couldn't wait to laugh at each other's stupid jokes and see all the sights, to go to wine tastings and watch Italian movies. He was deep, spiritual, emotional, romantic, funny, talented. We began jokingly counting all the things we had in common, and he said he would ask my father's hand in marriage when we got to 30 or 40!

Then we began actually falling in love, after we first used voice chat, and we became more and more ecstatic about each other for about a week. We often talked about starting a relationship once we met. We even discussed marriage, although both of us admitted that we would have to meet and court first. We are both responsible people.

One night, a Friday, we had passionate internet sex (by voice chat, details, if you want, can be put in the adult section). He said the next day he wanted to do it again, to talk again, to talk everyday. He had no work, and was looking forward to it on Saturday specifically because he was free.

Well, the next day comes and it is yard sale day so I go to a bunch of different sales to buy clothes for my Italy trip to meet him, until about 12 or 1PM my time, where it would be about 6 or 7PM (18-19:00) his time. When I get to my grandma's the internet isn't working. So I go to the library and try again, but he is not there. His MSN profile is not signed in, it is grey, not green. "Unavailable". We used to talk EVERY DAY.

Over the next day or two, I left him some messages, saying that if he wanted me to come live with him in Italy, I could do that, if we ever became truly in a relationship. You see, he had earlier expressed fears that we would fall in love but not be able to see each other enough. I also said that if he didn't want to have a relationship, then I wouldn't try for it, but please email me back so I don't think he got in a car crash or anything.

A day or two later, his MSN profile is either gone or made private.

Now, this is a man who directs a small church choir, is spiritual, funny, deep, cries easily, goes on neocathemunical walks, and often stays up until 4AM in the morning (his time) to talk to me. Not to mention, talks to me about non-romantic/sexual things for 2 weeks without making any "moves", so don't think he is a player.

He always spoke his mind, so I don't think he would be too shy to tell me the truth.

What has happened to him? Can you understand if I say I literally want to lay down and die? I have never been so sad.

[Joyce:)]

Don't you have any other way of contacting him? Facebook? Anything?
I don't know what may have happened, all I can say is that I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
*hugs*

[iamangel]

I'm sorry to hear this...I know it's really hard for you especially you really dont know what's happening to him. But maybe he has a valid reason why he didn't talk to you this past few days...Just wait for it.. I hope that you will not worry much and you will talk to him soon
.

[WhiteValkyrie]

He doesn't have a facebook, he calls it StronzBook (Italian friends, you know what that means!), hates it, and I am actually afraid to contact him for fear of scaring him away further. I would rather just meet him in Italy in about a month or so (to give him time to cool down if he got scared) and have the shock of meeting me jolt his emotions. Frankly, I do not care if he has a girlfriend at that point. Really, he promised himself to me and that's all I give a damn about.

I literally want to die at times. I am so desperate for him that I am willing to go to Italy anyways and show up, in a red dress, at his church, and "dazzle" him, show him how much I love him, and only see him once a year if he doesn't want to be tied down, like in BrokeBack Mountain.

I KNOW he loves me. I can supply his posts and messages proving it. Nothing about his behavior marks him as some kind of player or sex fiend.

---------- Post added at 08:33 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:32 AM ----------

He doesn't have a facebook, he calls it StronzBook (Italian friends, you know what that means!), hates it, and I am actually afraid to contact him for fear of scaring him away further. I would rather just meet him in Italy in about a month or so (to give him time to cool down if he got scared) and have the shock of meeting me jolt his emotions. Frankly, I do not care if he has a girlfriend at that point. Really, he promised himself to me and that's all I give a damn about.

I literally want to die at times. I am so desperate for him that I am willing to go to Italy anyways and show up, in a red dress, at his church, and "dazzle" him, show him how much I love him, and only see him once a year if he doesn't want to be tied down, like in BrokeBack Mountain.

I KNOW he loves me. I can supply his posts and messages proving it. Nothing about his behavior marks him as some kind of player or sex fiend.

[Hollis]

How long did you know this person? A month or two? That's hardly long enough to really LOVE someone, especially not enough to PROMISE yourself to someone when you haven't even met each other. I know you think it's romantic, etc, etc, but it's the truth.

If you loved each other truly, you should be close enough to tell each other your issues and you wouldn't be afraid to 'scare him off'. That's not appropriate traits of love.

Did you ever get hard proof that he actually does work at a church and is completely who he says he is? Messages and posts saying he 'loves you' are not proof in any way. This is the internet. People can be and say whatever they want. The fact that he was gone after having cyber sex with you only makes it seem even more evident, in my opinion.

It's a possibility that he does have a girlfriend/wife. And that is something you should respect. You do not have dibs on this guy because he said some stuff on the internet. That's ridiculous. That's like saying you can steal a car because you can open the door and you don't care that someone else drives it everyday and put in the money to keep it running.

[Zapookie]

I agree with Hollis.

I also urge you to not go visit him in Italy. A female traveling alone is not very safe, particularly in some places in Europe. Also, where would you stay if you went to Italy? If he doesn't know you're coming, and you've never met him before, you can't just show up and expect him to welcome you with open arms. These kinds of trips need planning and communication from the two of you. There needs to be some kind of plan.

I know you feel madly in love with him and its upsetting you that you haven't heard from him, but you need to think rationally.

My friend had a relationship with a guy online who always seemed a little sketchy to me. He lived in Sydney (same city), but always made excuses about why he couldn't meet up with her that week. They never webcammed. He barely had any friends on facebook. His only proof that he was real was him taking a pic and writing her name on a piece of paper (he was not visible in the shot). Then suddenly one night he had to leave to fly to Lebanon (where is family was supposedly from), because his grandmother became sick and he wasn't sure when he'd be coming back. They had only been talking about 4 months before he left.

Can you believe she was actually considering dropping everything to go visit him? Turns out this guy didn't even exist and the person playing the guy, was actually a girl (not saying Francesco is a girl, because we know you've spoken to him) who we were friends with, and the police actually had to get involved.

Now I'm not saying this is going to happen to you or to anyone else. Just with new people you meet online, you kinda have to establish that they're who they say they are. It's just too easy to lie over the internet.

---------- Post added at 01:00 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:00 AM ----------

I agree with Hollis.

I also urge you to not go visit him in Italy. A female traveling alone is not very safe, particularly in some places in Europe. Also, where would you stay if you went to Italy? If he doesn't know you're coming, and you've never met him before, you can't just show up and expect him to welcome you with open arms. These kinds of trips need planning and communication from the two of you. There needs to be some kind of plan.

I know you feel madly in love with him and its upsetting you that you haven't heard from him, but you need to think rationally.

My friend had a relationship with a guy online who always seemed a little sketchy to me. He lived in Sydney (same city), but always made excuses about why he couldn't meet up with her that week. They never webcammed. He barely had any friends on facebook. His only proof that he was real was him taking a pic and writing her name on a piece of paper (he was not visible in the shot). Then suddenly one night he had to leave to fly to Lebanon (where is family was supposedly from), because his grandmother became sick and he wasn't sure when he'd be coming back. They had only been talking about 4 months before he left.

Can you believe she was actually considering dropping everything to go visit him? Turns out this guy didn't even exist and the person playing the guy, was actually a girl (not saying Francesco is a girl, because we know you've spoken to him) who we were friends with, and the police actually had to get involved.

Now I'm not saying this is going to happen to you or to anyone else. Just with new people you meet online, you kinda have to establish that they're who they say they are. It's just too easy to lie over the internet.

[Moon]

I know you won't believe this, but it sounds like you got played. The fact that he's blocked you and made his profile on MSN private kinda proves it. Anyone can say pretty things to you, talk is cheap and easy, and anyone saying the things he said after only a few short weeks, especially talking about moving countries, probably isn't serious. Even if he was just having a bit of fun, you telling him your willingness to move to Italy this early on probably scared him off for good. I don't need any chat logs, or details of your sex conversations, those are pretty irrelevant to the situation you're in, it's easy to lure people by using the storybook romance ploy, and that sounds like what he did to you. I'm sorry you're hurt, but I think you're going to have to write this one off, and please be more cautious of men on the internet who tell you what you want to hear; actual, true love takes time to build and establish. If you show up in Italy unannounced, you're going to get hurt. That only works in movies.

[Riyko]

I agree with everyone else, it sounds like he played you, also do you have your ticket to Italy already purchased? If not then it's really not worth going or wasting time on an asshole like him.

[WhiteValkyrie]

I appreciate your comments, but Francesco is not like that. Furthermore, I know who he is because there have been newspaper articles written about him, and he is, in fact, a musician. Furthermore, we were not planning on getting married or even on being boyfrined and girlfriend. We both realized we had to talk to each other in person before that would happen.

Also, why would someone stay up until 4 in the morning (NOT his usual time- evident because he would often fall asleep if I got there late) to talk if they only wanted sex? And why would they sign up on languageexchange and not porno dot com or whatever? Also, why would he only want one night of internet sex and not more? Or real sex??

Why would he invite me to Italy at all, plan out a whole bunch of things, and tell me what city he lives in and where he goes to work and about all kinds of other things if he didn't want me to come for whatever reason?

Furthermore, he HAS emailed me back, after I commented on his YouTube video, somewhat jokingly, "Francesco Franchini, I will love you until the day I die, whether you like it or not. " Then he emailed me and said "Hi, how are you? Hope all is well, thanks for your comment on my video, I guess you liked it "

Furthermore, if he IS an asshole after all, then I DO want to go to Italy- JUST TO KICK HIS ASS. THAT will be TWICE as worth it. And I have money, so it's not that hard for me.

[kaitycat]

Did he give any explanation for not talking to you for a whole week? Or his MSN account blocking you/ being disabled? I don't care if it's LD or CD, if it's a super hot model or if it's Prince William. Any guy who cuts communication with me for over a week, without a good warning or explanation, is not worth my time. I'm worth more than that, and you are too.

[WhiteValkyrie]

Besides, we had sex by chat tons of times.

I think the problem is that he was afraid to fall in love and not be able to see the person because they lived far away. Nothing about his behavior suggest a pervert or sex addict, I mean, if he wanted to seduce me, he wouldn't have done the things he did. I mean, I was kind of the one who was into him, and I may have been into him before he was into me. He wasn't in love with me (or crush) at first.

[WhiteValkyrie]

Maybe he was just afraid, maybe he thought we went too far. WHY IS EVERYONE SO DAMN NEGATIVE HERE?????????

I believe ALL people are good on the inside and need a chance. Besides I DO have a place to stay, I will be CouchSurfing and staying with nice families who I meet on there. I have another friend, Giovanni, who is willing to go with me, but he lives in a different part of Italy.

[Sierra]

We aren't all negative here, but many of us are realistic. I understand how you feel and that you don't want to give up on him. I don't think you should just show up and expect to be well received, it's pretty obvious that he's trying to disappear from you and it could be for whatever reason.

Maybe like you suspect, he's afraid of falling in love, maybe like others suspect, it's because he's playing you, but regardless do you want to be involved with someone from another country who will do this to you?

I'm Italian, speak Italian and know many Italian men ... not to generalize, but they are huge players.

If you want a vacation to Italy, go to Italy and enjoy your time there but don't have any expectations of meeting this man.

[books]

I'm Italian, speak Italian and know many Italian men ... not to generalize, but they are huge players.

Agreed...I really didn't want to be the one to say it, but this was my first thought upon reading this story...

Ok, so just to address the OP's question about why he used languageexchange.com and not a porn website, I don't think it's that uncommon for people to use "language exchange" to meet others online. A couple years ago when I was living in Italy, I met a really sweet guy thru my work (coincidentally he was named Francesco as well). We became friends, then started hanging out romantically, then started officially dating...I came to find out that he was a very frequent user of a certain language exchange website and would pass hours every night chatting with Canadian and American girls. I confronted him about it, he just laughed it off saying it helped improve his English. It just continued...I would actually check the site to see when he last logged in and sure enough his last login would be right after one of our very romantic dates. It's like he would drop me off, give me a long kiss and then run home to log on and chat. Oh yea, he didn't use facebook either. It got to the point that I didn't trust him b/c he would hide his online activity from me and brush off my concerns. I ended it.

OP, it sounds like you got played but it already seems like you have your mind made up about going to Italy.

[Xanahtas]

As Sierra said, We arent negative, just realistic. The itialian men have a stereotype of being romantic players; at least here in the UK they're known for that. By the sounds of things you havent been speaking long, and over the internet anyone could pretend to be someone they're not. The internet is a dangerous place and i think some poeple forget that.
Someone i know got talking to a guy on the internet and he was romantic, claimed to have a good job with a big house etc. He lived quite a way away. She never told her parents and tried to arrange a meeting but he suddenly stopped talking and that; the police got involved and he turned out to be a wanted peadophile. Im NOT saying this is the case, but it just goes to show how dangerous the internet i and how easily people can pretend to be someone they arent.
You just have to think about this properly, would you drop everything to go there to meet a man who you have never met before on the off chance he is as wonderful and he makes himself seem? You have to be careful and think about this seriously.