I'm starting to crack.

[Snap]

I'll be the first one to admit that I have some really bad insecurities and baggage that was reinforced in my previous (unhealthy) relationship. I've been seeing a therapist for years to get over my low-self esteem and other things and for the most part, it helped me to at least keep my problems to myself and work on them on my own. But then I moved away. And I had to stop seeing my therapist. Now I'm cracking.

In the past, if my boyfriend said something that made me think he was going to break up with me, I wouldn't bring it up to him. Like I said, I would keep it to myself especially because I was just jumping to conclusions and overreacting. I can honestly say that all of the problems in our relationship have been created in my head. But in the past couple of weeks, I'm becoming more sensitive and verbalizing it. For example, last week my boyfriend was joking around but I thought he was being serious and was upset at me. I told him that. A couple of days ago, he sent me this vague text message. I asked him if there was something going on. I honestly thought he wanted to end things. Now that I look back at the text message, I don't know wtf I was thinking. The message was completely innocent and I just overreacted.

Maybe I'm just more sensitive because I moved away a month ago. I know that I need to start doing something because my insecurities are slowly breaking through and he's becoming aware of them. The last thing I want to do is push him away because of my low self-esteem. I don't know what to do. Please help.

[bluishskin]

Have you talked about this with your bf? I figured that maybe he could also help you and give you more support in overcoming your problems. If you talk to him about it, maybe he could somewhat be a bit more careful when saying something to you to prevent misunderstanding. Although on the other hand I have to admit that in general sometimes text message content can be misleading.
When you said you moved away did you mean that you just moved to a new city?

[Mara]

I have a tendency to overreact and be overly sensitive. I think one of the best things you can do is communicate these issues to your boyfriend. Let him know what's going on with you and how you are feeling. Secondly, something that really helps me is when I do get upset since I have a tendency to overreact I ask myself if that's really the case or if I'm being irrational. Sometimes I'll even take a minute to respond to a text so I don't say something out of the way I'm feeling when I know my feelings are just brought on by my own insecurities and sometimes paranoia. Would it be possible for you to see a therapist where you are living now?

[Rosebud]

Do you like to write? When it comes to things like that text that freaked you out but you don't have to necessarily respond to right away, why not start keeping a journal? If he texts you or leaves you a message that freaks it out and you're worried about stressing him out with constant high emotions, well, write it all down! There's absolutely no reason to keep these emotions bottled up inside you and I find that by writing things down it's a huge stress reliever. You can even pretend you're writing him a letter and just let all your feelings out. Usually I find just by getting the words out of my head I feel a little better and it's easier to go back and reread things a little more rationally, and maybe even when you're writing things down you'll realize if you maybe are overreacting.

I do also agree however that it's good to talk to your SO about this if you haven't already; let him know about the fact that you maybe get a little tense about things. I'm sure he'll be understanding

[Connor]

When it comes to over reacting, my SO and i both do it. But i know exactly how you feel. I have bad anxiety at times, and i freak out if my gf doesn't say a whole lot, or if shes texting someone, or even if shes texting back slowly. I'll be the first to admit that its unhealthy, i know. I create a lot of problems in my head before they are even a possibility. If i would take the time to sit back and look at the situation, and take the time to think and breathe, we would have much fewer problems. I don't know really how to fix things, but i was just trying to tell you that you aren't alone. and believe me, to read this makes me feel much better. It shows me that i'm not the only one like that. The only solution to it that i have found to be the most effective is that i try really hard and make a conscious effort to stay calm and put myself in her position. I'm still not the best at it, but i've been trying harder, and i feel like its improving things. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship.

[kaitycat]

I totally understand. I do this all the time when I'm stressed out or going through something else in my life. If it will make you feel more comfortable, and help to ease the transition, then what about having phone sessions with your old therapist? I think you'll find a lot of this is brought on by the sudden changes to your life. Communicate this with your SO, ask for his patience, and maybe make a conscious effort to "check yourself" when you start to get upset. and I think you'll be fine

[Snap]

Thanks all! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to deal with this. Yes, when I said I moved away, I meant that I moved to a new city. I would love to talk to my old therapist but unfortunately I can't do the phone sessions with her. She told me that I need to find a new one over here but I just haven't had the time. I think I should start writing my problems down so I can view them in a different standpoint. I've noticed that sometimes when I write a post here with a "problem" I begin to realize how irrational I was. I'll also try to think before I speak.

[meo]

I am also a bit insecure about myself and I do catch myself overreacting about the littlest things and the distance obviously isn't making it any better.. but all you can do is talk to him about it and be open with each other. Build up the trust and having confidence to talk to him. Communication is really the only thing that can truly help you through things like this. Eventually it will get better and progress if you continue to talk. Also, just stay strong! That's one big part of this, believe in yourself and just stay strong no matter how hard it gets.

[Mistakesinpen]

I have the exact same problem. Lately it has gotten alot worse. unfortunately because of time zones, and our schedules ( or at least im hoping thats what it is) we haven been able to talk at all lately, sparring a few texts when hes at work occasionally. Even before he moved away, everything he would say or do I convinced myself was an alterior motive for something. It went away for a little while but lately Its come back full force and last night I broke down because of it. I dont think the not being able to talk is helping any, but I feel like he is almost trying not to talk to me. I know in the back of my head he has always been faithfull to me and that he is probly just really busy and doesnt have the time lately, but I cant help but wonder. Maybe he found someone out in Missouri? Maybe he is done with me and just is stringing me along at this point. It hurts when I feel this way, but im afraid that im right. Trust me I know how you feel.

[beaton]

I do the same thing all the time. My SO has been a saint about diffusing my anxiety, and I can feel it working.

My best advice would be to talk through it with him. Also, while you're hunting down a therapist, write it out. When something he texts makes you feel weird, write out the text and write out why it upset you. Remind yourself that you're just scared, and then write the absolute best thing he could have meant. Cross out the worst. Assume the best. You're not being naive. You're raising a middle finger to voice inside that tells you you're not worth it. It's ok to be optimistic.