Family Approval?

[Bobbiejeanne]

An interesting thought popped into my mind earlier today, and so I thought I'd ask around and see what other people's views are on it!

My Mother doesn't like the fact that I'm in an LDR, but she knows that I don't care about her opinion on it, and she's fine with not pushing her beliefs on me about it. My Boyfriend, however, is a total family man. So far, his whole family really likes me, but they were shocked when they found out he thinks I'm "The One".

Now, I'm not asking for advice on the situation, but I was wondering, do any of you take your family's wishes to heart? Have they given you advice? What are their beliefs on you being in and LDR?

I'd love to hear some stories

[books]

Well, I don't think my Mom minds the fact so much that I'm in an LDR as she does my whole closing the distance plan. My & SO and I do discuss me moving to his country and my Mom is totally opposed to it saying I'm going to abandon my family and she will never see me again. When I came back from his country (we became CD over there) and told her I had met somebody, she actually didn't speak to me for close to a month and made all sorts of disparaging remarks. So, no, I don't have her support. She has also demanded I bring him here on a tourist visa so she can meet him and doesn't seem to understand there is a huge (90%) denial rate for his country and he will almost definitely be denied. If my closing the distance plan involved me bringing him here permanently, it may be different but I don't really know for sure. Either way, I'm an adult and as much as I'd like my family (read: my Mom b/c my siblings don't care) to approve, in the end I have to do what's right for me.

The interesting thing is she loved my ex who was a total jerk and she actually cried when I broke up with him. I was so pressured to get back with him, it was really crazy. My & ex and I were actually LD for a part of our relationship (tho domestically, not internationally) and she had no problem with it.

[FadedSunrise]

Ha. Family support. What a joke that word is to me. What an absolute fantasy. At this rate not only will they never support my chosen relationships, but I will quite likely choose to eventually break up with this SO and never have another relationship again, because they're kooky insane. (Read my current blog). I love them, I can't not love family, because it's almost like committing sin to me. But that means I choose to never have anyone else in my life, because they literally made me choose between my SO and them previously.

[Mara]

My family are fine with my relationship, but that may be influenced by the fact they love my boyfriend and they aren't crystal clear on the way we met. I lived for a year in the city where my boyfriend lives, but we met online before that, I just have never told them that, and I'm sure they're under the assumption we met there when I was living there.

If they did have an opposition to my relationship, unless there was good reason, I probably wouldn't take it to heart. My family did dislike my ex-boyfriend, but there was a reason behind that and I took their opinions and feelings into consideration. Basically, if they are being irrational, I'm not going to listen to them, but if they have a point then of course I'm going to listen to what they have to say as I do with anyone.

[ClipitsWings]

My mom goes back and forth on the matter. She doesn't want me to go. She thinks he's "the one". She doubts we'll ever meet. She is getting our spare bedroom ready in case he visits. It's frustrating to talk to her about it, so I just don't anymore. Figure I can't please her either way :P oh well

[Kat Marie]

Well, my SO is from where I live. We went to high school together. We didn't start dating (or actually even talking) until he moved 800 miles away, though. So they knew he was a legitimate person, he took me on a date when he came in town a couple of months after we started talking, and during his next visit he went to dinner with my parents and me. I definitely feel like it's important to have my parents approval, and I'm glad I do. I do take into consideration their advice when they ask me about how things are going, what will happen in the future, if it's what I want for ME or if it's what I'm doing for HIM, etc. But when it comes down to it I make my own decisions on the matter. I think that if I didn't have their support it would make having an LDR a lot more difficult, though!

[NaNi]

My family and friends support me. None of them really knew that I was attraced to women in the first place (although they must have guessed...?), but when I met my SO I made it official and also had no problems with telling them that we met online. They never said a negative thing about it. They even ask about my SO whenever I see them. I guess I'm quite lucky?

[Amura]

My dad couldn't care less. My mother is just VERY happy for me, shes beein LDRs too.
But my boyfriend is unsure on how to break it to his parents, he believes they will be unsupportive.
How could he break the news to them in a way that they WON'T hate on me?

[bluishskin]

My family is ok with my LDR with my SO. What matters to them is that he will be the one who can make me happy by being a good husband and father. I'd say my family continues to give support and advices for both of us, especially for me.

[Lina]

Only my mother knows about my LDR. I haven't told dad yet cause he tends to overreact and he generally doesn't let in anything new (therefore a LDR is totally not his thing, lol). Just like your mother, mom isn't 100% ok with a LDR (and especially with me moving to his country when it comes to closing the distance), but she doesn't push me to end my relationship or other such thing. She told me that it's my decision and that she'll respect it even if she doesn't agree with it. And usually I like to have my family's approval upon my actions, but if I really want something, I do it even without their approval.

[SDPersona]

It was really surprising for me, when I returned from internship and told my family about having fallen in love with a guy from South Africa. They are ok with it, even though it is a LDR and they'll get to know my SO on their own a lot later than usual (meeting through skype don't count!). That's interesting because my family - actually it's my mother mostly, the others were more impartial and just interested in what was going on with my life - used to dislike all my ex-boyfriends and they even met them. So, the way my family is now I feel emotionally supported by them. They ask, what is going on with my boyfriend, what our plans for the future are. The only idea they seem to dislike is the fact that I might move to my boyfriend sometime later. Especially my siblings strongly object to it even though they like my SO and sometimes talk to him.

My SO's family likes me very well, because I've already met them all through my internship and got to know them a little bit. At least that's my impression if the way they act towards me is anything to go by.

On the whole, I feel lucky having having their support if not their approval as of now and feel like that is a good enough omen for my and my SO's future.

[blankita719]

I'm 32 and a parent myself so parental support means less to me. I'm more concerned about whether our children support us. Luckily, we have both. My son adores him and his son and I get along really well (mine is 7 and his is 16, I don't expect adoration from him )
The only hesitation my mother has is that she doesn't want me to move away with her grandson. But she knew he & I were long time friends before it started again so she had no fears or concerns about our LDR. My SO's mother passed away last November but his father and I met years ago and he's always liked me. Plus my SO is 42, so parental approval isn't something he is overly concerned about either.
My SO & I were LD when I was 18 and he was 27, and my mother wasn't a fan back then, but as you get older - this matters less and less.

[Laura_N]

My situation with family is a bit complicated. I haven't told any family member about my LDR, especially when I have only met her once and to me it seems rather early to start speaking about it to family - even though we have known since last autumn and had feelings to each other from last Christmas. I just doubt they'd understand. Some of my closest friends know though and I am very happy that they do, otherwise I would probably explode with happiness if I couldn't share it with someone!

Anyways, about family... I am not sure how my mother would react. I'm not ever sure she realizes I like women, but if I told her I am dating a foreign woman who is a bit older than I am I'm pretty sure she would be shocked. Then again I'm sure she would come in terms with it and eventually accept it. My parents broke up when I was a child and I don't know my father very well so I doubt I would ever tell him. I know it would probably make him cut his relationship to me as there was a part in my life when I didn't stay in touch with him for years. He has some very strict opinions and he won't tolerate any differences in other people. Only knowing I'm dating a woman would be enough for him.

I believe I might tell my mother somewhere next year when I'm hopefully going to study in Scotland where my SO lives and of course if nothing dramatic happens between us by then.

[Moon]

My family is fine with my being in an LDR, except maybe my daughter, she's a little weirded out by it, I think. My parents just want me to be happy in life, but I do take their wishes to heart because they're smart and I love them. At 40 though, my parents approval is unnecessary, but I am glad that I have it, since their opinions matter to me and it makes life less awkward.

My daughter is a different story, she doesn't want her mom to up and take off to Helsinki. She tries ignoring the situation altogether, which makes me sad, but she's 22 and only has at most a few years left at home, so we'll see what happens then.

[Nate]

my mom accept it but she doesen't take it serious. She thinks it's just a fling and it'll be over sooner or later. Though she really like my SO (i forced her to vid chat with her :P ) and we both explained her our situation she still doesen't take it serious. guess she will if we ever plan to close the distance (if i go to the states she will freak...)

the parents of my SO don't know me yet (I'm a little scared of their reaction because in the first place they don't know that their daughter is into girls and i'm always scared of parents because they usually don't like me )