Should I tell him?

[karbauer]

Me and my LDR boyfriend have been together for 9 months now. We tell each other everything.
Today, I met up with a guy from my school. I've known him since preschool and I trust him. We met at the high school parking lot 5 minutes from my house. I sat in his car for a while and we talked innocently. All of a sudden he said "I called you cuz I wanna see if it's true."
I said "if what's true?"
"if it's true that black girls are better at oral"
(I'm mixed black and white)

I was disgusted. I went to get out of the car and he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. He unzipped his pants and VERY AGGRESSIVELY put my hand on his "downstairs." I tore my hand away and just stared at him. I couldn't believe he had done that. I finally opened the car door and he grabbed my face and kissed
me. I moved my head in time so he could only kiss my cheek. And I left. That was the end of it. He wanted me to completely have sex with him and I didn't even wanna touch him.

What I need to know is if I should tell my boyfriend. My best friend said I shouldn't because it'll only cause problems. There's nothing he can do except maybe call him and cuss him out, which would only make it worse. I don't really consider what happened cheating on him, but I feel really guilty even though it wasn't my fault.

I can't tell my parents because I wasn't supposed to meet up with this guy anyway. I can't tell the police because I could have left. The door was unlocked and right there. I could have left but for some stupid reason I didn't go.

Should I tell him?

[folclor]

I would tell him. I had something similar happen to me before and I told my guy... he was pissed beyond believe at my 'friend' but he stayed on video chat with me all night and we talked things over. It was really bad and hard but he was there with me through it and it definitely strengthened our relationship and I didn't feel like I had to keep anything from him. It's also better to tell someone you trust now before it festers and causes more issues later.

[Rach321]

I'm so very sorry this happened to you. This is awful and you should not feel bad about this at all. It's not your fault in the slightest.

As for whether you should tell your boyfriend, this is hard to say. I think I would really want to tell my boyfriend, and I wouldn't worry that he would blame me. But I also feel like he would just be sick about it,and would want to attack the guy who did it (which I don't think he'd do- he's not a violent man at all). I would just worry that he'd feel he couldn't really do anything about it.

But my SO is also my best friend, and I feel he knows me better than about anyone and always knows how to help me work through difficult times. So, I would probably tell him. And it would likely be for the best that I did.

For you, I really don't know what to say. If you feel that you will feel better by telling him, I probably would recommend that you do. But if you are only thinking of tellling him because you feel guilty in some way or if you feel he will react very negatively about it, I recommend you wait a little bit to allow yourself to process it before sharing it with him. But do talk to someone about it if you can. It will help you, I'm sure.

[Michelle]

I think you should really tell the police. You were attacked. And this guy is a sexual offender. Don't let him get away with it. He's going to do it to someone else if he gets away with it. You were lucky that you were able to get away. Can you imagine what may have happened had you not been in a public place and had been in his house or your house?

I feel so bad that this happened to you. It is so sick and disgusting.

I think you really need to report it to the police. Your boyfriend will not be upset with you, he'll probably want to do some pretty bad things to that guy, but he won't be mad at you. I would let your parents know as well - they will be 100% supportive and can help you out in reporting this incident.

[garnet]

I agree with Michelle, that was the first thing I thought, tell the police! Then, yes, tell your boyfriend. He is your support system and what happened to you is awful.

[Sara]

i agree. definitely tell the police. if he did this to you, he will likely do worse to others.

i think you should also tell your boyfriend. keeping it a secret from him will only make it worse. he should know what you are going through, and will probably be a good source of comfort. also, he might feel betrayed if he finds out about it later and finds out that you didn't come to him to talk about it.

you shouldn't feel guilty about any of this. none of it is your fault.

[MadMolly]

Tell your boyfriend, and tell the police!

[Caitlin2009]

ohhhh hell yeah you should tell him and the cops as well!! he's a predator!! call the cops ASAP!!!

[So_Far_Away]

I would agree with everyone else - tell the police, tell your parents, maybe even tell your school, and then tell him. It'll probably be quite difficult, but he wouldn't be upset with you, as you have done NOTHING wrong.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

That's awful. Shouldn't happen to anyone! I agree you should tell the police. I would definitely tell my SO. I would be a little worried about telling him, just scared of his reaction in the sense that he'd be beyond angry with the guy and worry about me. But I would definitely tell him. I would also tell the police most definitely and follow through with that! **HUGS**

[HMA]

Yikes. You certainly didn't cheat on your boyfriend, that is for sure. You have nothing to be ashamed about. It's up to you whether you tell your boyfriend or not, but depending on what type of personality he has, he may react with anger. I VERY much doubt that he would be angry with you, but sometimes when you're upset and someone is angry it's hard to tell the difference. So I guess I would just say that if you decide to tell him, keep in mind that his initial reaction may be anger, but not at you. He'll probably be angry at this guy, and maybe a little bit at himself that he wasn't there to protect you. If he flips his lid at first, he just needs some time to sort out his thoughts, but there's no reason he should be mad at you. Your guy might not be this personality type at all, though.

But I agree, you should seriously consider reporting this to the police. Obviously he is not the trust worthy guy you thought he was.

[kraut]

I have been in a similar situation. I would defiantly tell your SO. He can help you with some of the shame and pain you may feel. I would also tell him because sometimes it can have repercussions to your feeling about intimacy in the future. If your SO knows your past it will help him understand your troubles.

As far as reporting it to the authorities, do what you feel comfortable doing. This is a time when you need to care for yourself. If you feel that reporting it may cause more hurt than healing for you than don't report it. If you feel the need to get 'revenge' on this guy the law may be a good way to do that, rather than taking into your own hands. In my case I did not report what happened to me. There are sometimes when I regret that decision but most of the time I don't.

[Michelle]

I don't see reporting the incident as getting revenge on the guy. I see it as protecting other girls/women from him in the future. Is it 100% going to protect other women? Probably not, but if he were to ever do something again, if authorities see he has a previous offense, he's going to get slammed pretty fast.

[kraut]

I guess my incident was a bit different. I was in a foreign country.

[Darth_Taco]

Your friend is a fucking moron. Call the cops, this is attempted rape! If your boyfriend is going to go batshit insane on you for almost getting raped then you don't need him. Trust me, a good guy will stay after something like this. Mine stayed after telling him I was raped. He knew I didn't ask for it, and he knew it was someone I honestly thought I could trust. It's not my fault I got fucked over like that and it's not your fault that your "friend" is the scum of the earth.