I need advice please...

[Koneko]

For the past five months or so, my SO never suggests fun things for us to do together. I always have to and it makes me feel unimportant to him. I found this site a few months ago and I sent it to him via Facebook, and told him that if he sees anything that he likes on the list of LDR activities, then he should tell me. But he never does...

I always use the list and other websites dedicated to LDR, so that when he is off from work, we could do something together. Whenever he feels like it, he watches movies with me or play a few games online.

I wish that for once he would suggests something for us to do. I have told him about how I felt, and he promised me that he would start to plan fun stuff with me. He didn't do what he was going to do. Since then, I kept quiet about it because I don't want to drive him away. I don't want to seem needy, but LDR takes a bit more effort than regular relationships.

Whenever I ask him what he would like to do, or what movie he would like to watch with me, or what game he would like to play online, he says "idk." It's like he isn't making any effort to think of something that we could do together.


What should I do? I already told him about it and it didn't work out. And I tried going two weeks without suggesting anything for us to do, and it's like he doesn't care. He never mentioned anything, and I am hurt and upset with him about it.

Like I said above, I don't want to sound needy, but what else can I do to let him know how I feel and that it would be nicer if we plan fun activities together?

[kteire]

My SO is very much the same actually... although in my situation, it turned out that when I'd ask him to suggest something "fun" for us to do, he'd be a bit hurt. He'd think that I wasn't happy just talking to him, and that he was boring me. So we settled that, and we occasionally play games online together now lol.
But I don't know if that's applicable to your situation. Have you considered he just doesn't particularly like the idea? He might prefer to just talk, and may not understand why you think planning things you consider fun is so important. I know my SO is perfectly happy just to talk day-to-day and only play games against each other and watch movies together in person.

[Mara]

I agree with kteire and also maybe he just isn't the type to think of those types of things or suggest things? If I ask my SO to watch a movie with me or play a game with me if he's available he will, but he never suggests things like that. Never. If I ask him what movie to watch he says whatever I want to watch. I've asked him if he likes doing that type of stuff with me and he says he does, but apparently it just isn't his thing to suggest stuff like that. It's the same when we go out though. Usually when we go out it's my idea or suggestion. He's just very easy going and pretty much can care less what we do as long as we are together or spending time together, maybe your SO is like that?

[jennten]

I've had this problem as well and have talked to him about it as well. He said that type of things just honestly doesn't occur to him. I was disappointed with that and asked him to try harder, but the same thing that happened with you went down. He just never did. XD He doesn't have that problem when we're CD, so maybe it's easier for him then. Idk.. And really, I've learned to just accept that about him. It's not like he avoids doing things with me when I bring them up, so I figure it doesn't matter who it comes from as long as we're both happy doing an activity together.

[Yaaamiii]

Ja, guilty as charged! Surprisingly in my relationship its the other way around. My boyfriend is the one that asks me to suggest something and its always me who says idk or w/e you want is fine. I honestly do feel terrible about it, and I have tried but I tell myself to try to come up with things we haven't done before so I guess that's why I can never think of anything. That or just literally nothing comes to mind. I'm a pretty easy going/laid back girl, so anything is usually fine with me. But we've had this conversation before, and he's told me he feels I should try harder to think of stuff cuz I can see his point, it must seem like he's the one trying to come up with stuff all the time. I really do try to D: Its to the point where every time I think of something, I'll write it down so I don't forget. :P Sigh.

[Minerva]

My SO and I were friends for years and all we did was talk via IM. But he was married and so we didn't talk as much. Now that we're together, we are on IM literally 24/7, excepting sleep and the occasional time with friends and family. I've never talked so much with him. And while I love it, so often the conversation turns either to our relationship or to sex -- it's just so new to us, after having been friends for years, we have these whole new topics to discuss. I don't mind, I love talking to him, and I love our new subjects (ha), but I was afraid of (excuse the term) going up our own asses. In other words, that we'd be so obsessed with our relationship that our relationship would revolve around our relationship, if that makes any sense.

So we've been talking about doing more together. If we were in a CDR, we'd be going out, or sitting home and watching TV, going shopping, whatever. We wouldn't be sitting around talking 24/7, and when we would talk, it wouldn't always be about us -- we'd talk about whatever is going on around us at the moment. So to my mind we NEED to do other things, to normalize the relationship a bit.

He's agreed, and I think he understands it's not that I don't want to talk to him, but that I want to enhance what we have.

Of course, your issue is your guy isn't coming up with ideas. It could be he's a bit hurt you don't think talking is enough, and if so, perhaps explain you do love talking, but you want more, you want to do the kinds of things CD couples do. Or it might be he's just being a guy. Guys aren't always great at coming up with ideas for what to do. They think they're being supportive by simply agreeing. My cousin is all upset now because her fiance won't help plan the wedding and she thinks it's because he doesn't want to get married. Which is silly, he does. My ex-husband and I never did anything because I waited for him to come up with ideas for things to to. It could just be a male thing.

Anyway, today my SO and I have been playing Words With Friends while also talking, and it's been so much fun. It gives us something to talk about and a reason to be playful, as well feeling like there's another dimension to our relationship. We plan to do other things together too, like perhaps more gaming and writing (we both love to write).

Just throw out some ideas and see what happens. Try not to get hung up on this one quirk and worry it means more than it does. And have fun!

[Koneko]

Thank you very much for replying everyone. I never thought about it that way, maybe my SO is simply not interested in watching movies or playing games. Maybe he does think that talking is good enough. I guess that I'll continue to suggest things for us to do once in a while and just accept him for who he is.

Thank you all again