I'm so confused.

[Kwee]

I'm currently in a long distance relationship. It was going well until recently. Well, every once in a while he starts pulling away from me. He can go for weeks without being distant, but then out of nowhere it changes and he's avoiding me on Yahoo. I've brought this up to him before and he apologizes. I know the reason he does it is because he's afraid of getting his hopes up and things not working out. But I'm so tired of being positive and encouraging for the both of us. It's exhausting! I've also brought that up to him too. He acknowledges it and says he'll stop being selfish and that he realizes it's hard on me as well. But he still slips up. And he's broken up with me twice already, even though he wants us to be together. And I'm scared he's going to try again.

[jennten]

How long have you guys been together? Well, I guess, when did you first get together?

[Kwee]

About four months.

[Lina]

No intention to sound rude or harsh, but he should really pull himself together. LDRs are challenging but not impossible. He should have trust in you; and if he really wants the two of you to be together, then you'll find a way to do so. He seems pretty unsure and insecure since he already broke up with you twice in 4 months. You said you already talked with him about this, but confront him once more explaining that you need him to be more optimist and ready to fight for your relationship if he truly wants it to work. Good luck

[jennten]

Yeah, I agree with Lina. You shouldn't HAVE to be positive/encouraging for both of you and you deserve better than someone who's wishy-washy because they're scared despite all of your reassurances. Tell him that he really needs to realize that he's the one ultimately hurting you guys if he keeps up this behavior.

[Zapookie]

My SO used to do this because he was scared. He only pulled away a couple of times (maybe for about a week or so both times) before he realised that it wasn't helping our relationship at all. It just made him understand what he was missing every time he did it. If you're the one who keeps encouraging him, yet he keeps pulling away from you, you need to ask him if he is really prepared for a relationship, let alone an LDR. There is no guarantee that even a CDR will work out. But that's the step you take when you love someone. You throw caution to the wind because they mean the world to you and you'll do anything for them. If he's constantly telling you he loves you but he keeps pushing you away, there's an issue that needs to be addressed, because if he loves you, he won't do that.

[XxMeg589xX]

No intention to sound rude or harsh, but he should really pull himself together. LDRs are challenging but not impossible. He should have trust in you; and if he really wants the two of you to be together, then you'll find a way to do so. He seems pretty unsure and insecure since he already broke up with you twice in 4 months. You said you already talked with him about this, but confront him once more explaining that you need him to be more optimist and ready to fight for your relationship if he truly wants it to work. Good luck

I agree, couldnt have said it better!

[Bonnie101764]

I to can be like this with my SO, he is so strong and i am the emotional train wreck. I have for sure made him pull back as he cant handle seeing me so emotional but how does one stop such strong feelings? He was supposed to be here in June and July and things came up that made it not happen, so i get disappointed and he feels even more bad when i get upset. I know its not his fault, hes so strong and sometimes i feel like im gonna lose him if i dont stop being the way i am,,,,,,thank god for these webpages to talk it out with others!!!!

[Kwee]

Thanks guys! I've talked it out with him, I think he's finally understanding. We've been doing pretty great so far! He's promised me no more "breaking up" because it nearly killed him and it was the biggest mistake of his life. And he said he realized that the way he was acting was selfish and he wasn't considering how I was feeling. And yesterday, he even told me, "It WILL work out." And he's never said that before, he's never been that sure. He's always said, "I hope it works out" or "It might work out." He has a big fear up getting his hopes up. So him being so sure about us, really made me feel better. Thanks for all y'all's help!

And Bonnie, I totally get you! I was like that, sometimes I still do get like that. But when I made a big deal out of it...that's when I noticed he'd pull away. So, I try to just be calm and not think so much. Thinking so much is really not a great thing when it comes to this, haha! And yes, I know...sometimes it's the feeling is SO strong!