Is this cheating?

[jiynx]

My SO told me tonight that a girl stripped for him on Saturday. Apparently after stipping, she tried to kiss him, but he pushed her away, and left. Here's the sparknotes dilemma:

Why this is wrong:
- he waited until today to tell me (says he was scared to tell me.. and in all honesty, I would be scared too.. so can I blame him for this?)
- the obvious... he let someone strip in front of him

Why I feel like it's not all that bad:
- he was wasted. out of his mind drunk
- he didn't realize he was alone until it was too late
- he didn't let anything sexual happen (besides watching her strip of course)


So is this really cheating? I was so upset before but now I want to forgive him. Is that right? I know that he's the one for me so this feels so stupid to be mad at him. Should I forgive him? I want to so bad because we've invested so much in each other.. but it doesn't feel the same. But I want it to be.

UGH! What's your guys' opinions?

[LotusWing]

I don't think that he cheated. He only looked at her, nothing else. It's not like he touched her, kissed her and slept with her. You shouldn't be upset about it because he already told you what happened on that Saturday.
Try to forgive him because he was not cheating. He loves you very much, that's why he pushed her away and he didn't kept it as a secret.

[snow_girl]

It's not cheating but I would say its inappropriate. If he was at a strip club fine, but to let someone I assume he knew strip for him would be extremely awkward for me to handle. Like you said, he wasn't drunk so he should have stopped it. If she tried to kiss him after she clearly had ulterior motives and it probably showed while doing the strip. But like you said there was no physical cheating and he told you so I'd let it slide. But maybe ask how he got in to the situation?

[jiynx]

Sorry, I meant to make it clear that he WAS drunk. Very drunk. He said that the rest of the people at this house had gone out to smoke. She was giving everyone a show (apparently she used to be a stripper?) and it ended up being private because everyone else left.

[LotusWing]

Well if he was drunk, and he didn't do anything so he wasn't cheating.

You already have the answer, so try to forgive him

[Malaga]

It may not be cheating, but I agree it's inappropriate, and the fact you're confused about it shows you're not down with what happened. I would feel uneasy about it too, to be honest. If I were in your place, I'd definitely tell him you weren't comfortable with the whole thing, and while you acknowledge he stopped it at the crucial moment and appreciate that he was honest about it, you'd like him to avoid such situations in the future.

I guess everyone has their own tolerance limit, but sometimes it's hard to know where that limit is until a situation like this happens. That includes him as well.

[Mara]

It wasn't cheating if he didn't do anything, but this was highly inappropriate. Even if he hadn't been alone with her, would you have been comfortable with someone he knows stripping in front of him? I think this a great opportunity for you to set boundaries.

Also, if he gets himself into these type of situations while drunk, maybe he shouldn't drink until the point of being drunk. Nothing wrong with drinking, but everyone should know their limit.

I know it doesn't feel the same right now, but if you want to, I think the two of you can overcome this.

[Caitlin2009]

not cheating no, however i would be pissed. its good he didnt let her do anything however, if Denise told me this it would be a very long, loud conversation for a few hours

[NaNi]

Yeah, I agree. It's not cheating really, but I'd be pretty pissed too. I'd definitely talk to my SO about this. For a long time.

[7hours]

I would be highly pissed off. No, he didn't touch her, but I'm pretty sure he probably enjoyed the show. To me, that is completely disrespectful to you and your relationship. I would be having a long talk with him if I were you.

[AUVSXFGT]

speaking from my MALE perspective.

I probably wouldn't tell my gf that some girl just randomly stripped for me. it's not a big deal unless something actually happened.

BUT ! in your case . as told by your SO ... that she tried to go for him then that's a diff story .

something feels iffy about that story though .

-A

[Zephii]

Not cheating, imo. Sounds like he was too drunk to even really enjoy the show she put on. Let him know you're not cool with him watching random naked chicks if you're not cool with it, but then let it go. If he pushed her away and left, especially when he's plastered, he's probably a keeper. Tell him that you're proud of him too. Always encourage the good behaviour lol

[Riyko]

While i agree it's highly inappropriate, i think those kind of boundaries should of been set up a while ago in the relationship, but now that it has come up i think those boundaries really need to be set so he knows what is okay and what isn't okay.

[NaNi]

While i agree it's highly inappropriate, i think those kind of boundaries should of been set up a while ago in the relationship, but now that it has come up i think those boundaries really need to be set so he knows what is okay and what isn't okay.

It really surprises me that some relationships need to set up such boundaries. It's obvious for me. A naked girl, not my SO, dancing in front of me = inappropriate, nothing I should be looking at. I know he was drunk, but... still.

[7hours]

It really surprises me that some relationships need to set up such boundaries. It's obvious for me. A naked girl, not my SO, dancing in front of me = inappropriate, nothing I should be looking at. I know he was drunk, but... still.

I couldn't agree more. That's exactly what I was thinking...lol