Ignore him back?

[Minerva]

Guilty of doing this. I have mood swings and sometimes I just can't talk. My SO understands this, and gives me the space I need. That said, I know he worries when I go quiet and I try to let him know I'm in a mood in which I can't talk. And then when I can talk again, I let him know why I went quiet.

I think you need to work with him, you both need to talk this over and consider what each of you needs. Because he seems to need the space, but you need the contact. Maybe if he can just let you know when he's in a mood to need space, it'll help you feel more secure. But I don't know if this is something he can change. Some people just isolate when feeling bad or just need more space than others, and he might be one of those.

I'm not try to excuse him, I know it's hurtful behaviour. I think you both need to talk this out.

[Yaaamiii]

I used to do that too I'm a pretty go with the flow type of person, so I didn't used to take charge until I went long distance the first time. I'll second what Minerva said, you guys need to have a serious talk about it.

[Mistakesinpen]

So yesterday after he stopped talking to me I messaged him " I love you and Im not mad at you at all. Just text me when you can. Ill wait." and left him alone for the rest of the night. Now a few minutes ago I text him good morning, not expecting a text back, I just didnt want to not text him at all. I know that sounds silly. I know he isnt texting me, but I still want to text him, and he actually text me back. It was just a simple hey and whats up? but hes actually texting me. I think it does sound like he just needs space sometimes and cant text me, but Im not sure what to do still when he gets like this. Do I just keep sending texts like the one I sent him yesterday?
thanks guys for all your help

[Yaaamiii]

I still think you should have a talk with him about it or else he's gonna keep doing it, but I kinda understand how you're feeling. If you think this is ok then that's great. It's really up to you though, and how much you're willing to handle :P

[Minerva]

It depends on him. When I go quiet, I like a couple of messages just so I know he hasn't forgotten me or isn't angry at me. Today in fact, I dropped off the radar, but it wasn't because I needed space, it was because I fell asleep (I have terrible insomnia and haven't slept much in the last 3 days, and I just crashed). But when I awoke, I had messages on IM asking after me, sending me hugs and kisses, etc, and it was nice to come back to.

I think you need to talk to him when he's not in one of these moods and the two of you need to set up some guidelines for how to handle this. If he's someone who just needs space every once in awhile, as I said, that might just be how he is. If he does this when he's in a bad mood, isolating might be a habit. Whatever the reason is, he needs to communicate his needs to you so you can either support him or work out a compromise.

As I said before, I know this is hurtful behaviour, but as someone who sometimes needs space, I can't agree that it's disrespectful. When I get in my worst moods, I can't talk. It has nothing to do with my SO -- I love him with every breath in me. I just have to have the space to deal with myself. He might need the same.

This might just be one of those areas in which the two of you need different things, and once you've figured it out, you'll be fine. But if you have a hard time dealing with this, or if he isolates to the point of it being unhealthy, you guys need work it out or his silence could undo your relationship. Even when someone needs space, you still have to have communication.

Good luck.

[Minerva]

It depends on him. When I go quiet, I like a couple of messages just so I know he hasn't forgotten me or isn't angry at me. Today in fact, I dropped off the radar, but it wasn't because I needed space, it was because I fell asleep (I have terrible insomnia and haven't slept much in the last 3 days, and I just crashed). But when I awoke, I had messages on IM asking after me, sending me hugs and kisses, etc, and it was nice to come back to.

I think you need to talk to him when he's not in one of these moods and the two of you need to set up some guidelines for how to handle this. If he's someone who just needs space every once in awhile, as I said, that might just be how he is. If he does this when he's in a bad mood, isolating might be a habit. Whatever the reason is, he needs to communicate his needs to you so you can either support him or work out a compromise.

As I said before, I know this is hurtful behaviour, but as someone who sometimes needs space, I can't agree that it's disrespectful. When I get in my worst moods, I can't talk. It has nothing to do with my SO -- I love him with every breath in me. I just have to have the space to deal with myself. He might need the same.

This might just be one of those areas in which the two of you need different things, and once you've figured it out, you'll be fine. But if you have a hard time dealing with this, or if he isolates to the point of it being unhealthy, you guys need work it out or his silence could undo your relationship. Even when someone needs space, you still have to have communication.

Good luck.

[Mistakesinpen]

So I tried, and hes still playing this game with me. We haven't spoken again in two days and Im really to the point where I think hope is gone. I cant help but feel like he is just done with me and he has cut off the relationship by just cutting me off from him. Lately I have been hanging out with his best friend and I've realized that I can be happy without him. I know its wrong because its his best friend and everything, but there are some feelings there. I still love Chris, and I don't think that will really ever change, but I don't think Im ever going to get over the fact that he choose to leave me, and since then all the problems have risen. I think the biggest thing Im afraid of is I had so much security in our future together before we became long distance, but now that he isn't around all the time, Im finding that Im not the lonely little girl, who would grow up and be alone, except for her millions of cats.(yes Im a cat lover <3) I almost feel like Im betraying him in a way because the way some of you have explained the whole him not being able to talk thing. If it really is because he misses me and is sad, then this is a really wrong reason for me to be feeling this way.
Do you think its wrong of me to want to take a break?? Im really confused right now.

[Minerva]

A relationship is a two-way street. Sometimes it isn't perfect. Sometimes one partner needs to be the support to keep the relationship going, sometimes it's the other partner's turn. If you're both committed to making it work, you'll learn to ride out the storms and come out stronger and more secure. But you both have to be committed. You can't do it by yourself.

If you aren't happy, you aren't happy. People fall out of love. People decide the storm is too much and walk away. People realize they might love each other but they aren't right together. If you are feeling hurt by how he's acting, that's going to eventually leave a mark on you. He may need space, but in doing so he's hurting you, and no matter what his issues are, that should be the last thing he wants to do.

Don't feel bad that his actions are hurting you and you need to take a break. Sometimes breaks are a good thing -- maybe you'll break up, but maybe it will be the wake-up call he needs to understand how he's hurting you.

And there's no shame in admitting you're not compatible in some key way. If you need communication and he's not capable of giving you the amount you need, you're going to make each other unhappy. Better for you both to find people more compatible in this important area.

So try not to feel bad because you're thinking the two of you need a break. It might be the thing you both need to get clarification on your relationship. And as I said, if you're unhappy, you're unhappy.

Take care.

[Kat Marie]

It might be because he misses you and is sad, it might not - since you've only been long distance for two months, he's probably still getting adjusted to his new area, making new friends, meeting new people, etc. He might be having a great time. Either way, it's not right for you to be hanging out with his best friend. At all. And it's not right of his best friend to do that to him, either. As for going long distance... You say that you don't think you'll "get over" the fact that he "left you". I don't think he specifically left YOU, I'm assuming he went away for school or his family moved or something, since it sounds like you're both teenagers. That being said, it was probably a difficult decision for him, but to be honest, school and family are both extremely important. He's probably trying to make the best of his situation.

I read your blog that you posted, and to be honest, you wrote a lot of negative things in it. That you didn't think a long distance relationship would ever last, and a lot of angry/passive aggressive posts toward your SO. You even wrote about hanging out with his best friend. If he reads your blog, then that's probably what's pushing him away. You're getting hurt by what he's doing to you (ignoring you) and in turn, you're trying to hurt him back. THAT IS NOT RIGHT. In a long distance relationship, you constantly have to have a good attitude. If the other person is being negative, or if you have a negative day, you have to bring each other back up, or be patient with the other person and respect what they're going through. The perseverance and positivity and love is what keeps things going. If you're giving off a negative vibe, then that's what he's feeding off of. And same the other way around, you could be feeding off of HIS negative vibe.

If you feel like you need to break up with him, then think it over and make the decision! Your focus should be on your life, with or without him in it. And you should be happy, because of yourself, not because of another person. Even when you're in a relationship, you should NEVER rely on another person to make you happy.

[Kwee]

My boyfriend does the same thing. He won't ever ignore me, but he'll be very short with me. And he says it's the same reason your boyfriend does it. Because being away is really hard on him and talking to me reminds him that I'm not with him. But I told him how it made me feel, and he's toned it down a little. Because even though it makes us feel bad, you gotta think about how it makes them feel too. That's their way of handling it. And we have ours. I think you really just gotta communicate your feelings and try to meet each other half way.