How much communication is too much?

[DolPhin85]

I know communication is huge in a LDR but how much is too much?

I ask bc my SO and I have been together for a year and a half. We text constantly throughout the day and talk on te phone at night. It never really bothered me before but it's starting to bother me now. I kind of feel smothered. She gets mad if I don't text her while I'm with my friends and thinks I don't want to talk to her and it starts arguments bc I get annoyed.
How often do you talk to you SO and any advice on how to approach the issue with her would be lovely!

[snow_girl]

I don't think there is such thing as too much unless it starts to get in the way of daily things. In your case its a little too much if it's smothering you. Try talking to her when you are both not angry at each other and let her know that when you go out with your friends you want to be able to have fun and focus on what the group is doing rather then have your face in your phone the whole time, it doesn't mean that you are ignoring her or don't like her any less.

[NaNi]

My SO and I talk once a week on Skype. We don't have time to talk on any other days. It's not much, but at least we don't feel "smothered". We do text from time to time, but I don't expect my SO to keep up a conversation with me while she's out doing other things. Tell your SO that you need some space. But maybe say it in a nicer way than that. You can still send her a text, telling her how you're doing and then you can enjoy your time with your friends again.

[Zephii]

Tell her it's rude to be texting a lot in a group of people - because it is! I don't know what it is with our generation, but the manners are slipping haha.

That aside all you can do is gently talk abou it. Try "I love it when I see your name pop up on my screen. I enjoy talking to you, it brightens my day, so don't think I'm blowing you off or anything - but sometimes I'm texting with you so much I can't get anything done and the people around me think that I have no time for them. Would you be terribly offended if I texted back a little less or not as fast? I don't want to hurt your feelings, because I'm not avoiding you specifically, I just have stuff I need to do sometimes, and I can get that done quicker and have more time at the end of the day for you if I'm not always texting"

Or something. Generally, if you want to tell someone something it's effective to wrap it up in positive things. Positive -> negative -> positive.
If that makes sense.

For us, we never texted unless I'd gone to visit family and had no internet for several days, so that helped us not smother each other.

[Yaaamiii]

I second what Zephii said.

If you're gonna do it, you should do it gently. I know if my SO did that to me, I'd be fine with it, but as much as I hate to admit it, I'm fragile and don't handle sudden change as quickly and as well as he does. So start to tone it down and slowly work your way into not doing it as often. My SO and I send a few texts a day, but when I'm at work, its really hard. He's not offended, he just waits for me to get on Skype later that night The texts just consist of Hey is everything well I love you and I miss you. That kind of stuff

[nic&matt]

It all differs from couple to couple. Some it has to be everyday, some once a week is all they can give. Give her the time you CAN and that's all you can do. Like Zephii said, it's rude to text in-front of other people. If you're out with friends, you need to be there mentally as well. Try explaining that to her and always tell her that you miss her when you're out doing stuff. Sometimes I sneak a picture of where I'm at and send it to my SO so he feels more involved.
Bring it up gently and slowly. She'll bring up points that upset her and it all works itself out. Go with the flow, bring up points you want, and answer hers.
Good luck! It's nothing you can't get past

[DolPhin85]

Thanks for the advice. I've tried this talk before and it didn't go too well but I'll give it a go again. I agree it's ride when you are with other ppl and even my friends give me crap for it. But for some reason she doesn't get it she thinks it means I don't want to talk to her and thy our relationship is going to change. But Iwill try to use the advice you guys have given me.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I think we text maybe once a day, for like an hour or two. Sometimes, we'll talk more than that depending on the day. We only had phone conversations once or twice a month when we were LD, but we decided mutually that we're going to try and increase that number when we go back to LD in September, and we will try to incorporate Skype too. I think texting while with friends or family is extremely rude. I don't text my boyfriend and he doesn't text me usually if either of us is with friends or family...we're both understanding people, so we get that the other is busy and is spending time with people.

[sincerelyjessxo]

Every couple is different. Personally me and my SO can't go very long without texting and we videochat almost every night. We do tend to run out of things to talk about so at those moments the texting slows. I need the constant communication because I get quite lonely but we also have our own time if I'm eating or he's playing a game we just agree to talk later on. We do let each other know what we're doing so it's not a big deal if we don't reply right away. Just talk to her calmly about it and tell her you feel like somtimes it's too much.

[Tabitha]

It really depends on the people in the relationship. My SO and I texted and talked constantly before we closed to distance. It only brought us closer, but I can see how someone could feel smothered by the constant contact. If it really bothers you, just be honest.

[Kerry]

I've found that I need a lot of communication with my boyfriend. since we live 1600+ miles apart it's all we have.

[Anabela]

I agree with Kerry. I cannot even imagine having skype dates less than daily. If we're not working and at home at the same time we'll do everything together on skype depending on the time of the day (we have 6 hrs time difference).

[tiffiebabbi14]

My SO and i do not talk all the time or text. And I got mad at him being the type of girl I am but he made me understand that he does not want to be rude && he never texts and drives but that he will stop what he's doing if I really do need something. But he calls me and stuff... Being 3 hours behind is hard but we make do with it! I now understand how rude it is to text around a large group of people and stuff!

[Mara]

We talk constantly throughout the day whether it's through email, text, or the occasional phone call or webcam date. Being long distance, communication is really all we have. I text him even when I'm out with my friends, but that's only usually when we haven't talked much throughout the day. If I need time to myself to do things like study or read, I'll just tell him that I'll text him later and the same goes for him. It isn't a problem in our relationship and I think you both should be able to take a break from talking to each other if there are other things that you need/want to do.

[Kerry]

I wish that my bf and I had skype or webcams. but for now FB and calls will have to do.