Mixed Feelings

[Puramu]

Hello again for the 50th time, I keep leaving then coming back, then say I'm going to come back but don't for months. But you guys know I can't stay away forever <3 And I'm in need of some advice.

I love my SO more than the world, and I am excited for the day we'll be together. The only thing making me hesitant is....my family. Y'see, he's in west coast Canada and I'm east coast US. I'm planning on moving in with him when the time comes, because he's not too fond of the US and claims he doesn't feel "safe" here. But I'm really close to my family and would like to stay close, but that won't really happen. I realized this when last week my grandma suddenly went to the hospital, it was easy to just drive 2 hours down to be there with her. But 2200 miles away...eh.

I also feel bad about our next visit plan, which is Christmas, where I go up there. My mom and I have been together for every single Christmas for all of my life. I mean I could have her go with me, but I'm sure the trip would end prematurely (we're thinking of almost a month, for some reason my mom thinks a visit should be a week or so). And I really want to go to Canada, since I've yet to go.

I'm frustrated because I'm not sure what I want. I mean it's not only my family I would be leaving, but my friends down here too. Like some of us say, it seems we'll never get out of being long distance with SOMEONE. I said that I'll decide after I visit for Christmas if I really want to move to Canada or not. But any other advice?

[Tanja]

I'm afraid the harsh truth is that someone has to leave everything behind unless you wanna be LD forever. It's just a matter of whether you want to be with your family or him. It's a tough choice.

No one can really give you much advice but there's a lot of people here who have made that choice. Some of them know it's the right one and some of them might think that they can't go through with it.

The most important thing when making this decision is that you have to accept it. If you think even for a second that HE is the one forcing you to leave your family it can grow into bitterness and hatred and it will eat into your relationship. YOU have to make the decision to go to him because YOU want to.

I know it's a hard decision to make but you don't have to make it now. Go up there on Christmas and see how you feel. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything, this is your life. Your heart will tell you what to do so make sure you listen to it.

[Mara]

I think everyone has to make their own decision when it comes to whether or not to move, but for me, I just realized that as much as I love my family, I have to live my own life. Staying here and giving up on a man that may be the one for me just isn't an option. I would rather stay close to my family yes, but him moving here isn't very practical. There aren't many jobs here and really not any in his field and besides that, it's just easier for me to move altogether.

I think maybe who should move might be a conversation you and your SO should revisit though.

[Lina]

One day you'll move out anyway and you won't be with your family forever during holidays or such moments which you usually spent together - life follows its course for each of us. When thinking about closing the distance I consider that one of the best things to do is to think practically. "Is it more convenient for me to move to his place or vice-versa?". Still, just like Tanja said, it's all about your choice, you should be happy with your decision in first place and everything will fall in its place afterwards.

[Malaga]

I understand how you feel. We haven't yet had a specific conversation about who's going to move where, but it would be more practical for many reason if I should move to him. I was always OK with that, I mean I love where I live and love being close to my family and friends, but giving up on my love isn't an option.

However, my younger brother got a job overseas and moved out just last week, he's now 6 time zones away. Parents were rather emotional about it, they accepted it was the best option for him but still it was hard to take. Now I'm the only one left and there's an overwhelming feeling of emptiness in the house. I do want to live my own life and I don't think I should be conditioned by the choices my brother made. But at the same time I want to be there for my parents when they grow old and care for them. Leaving them on their own when they're getting old and weak just sounds wrong. I don't know how I'll handle it tbh, when the time comes to make that decision.

Whatever decision you make, who's moving where. Just make sure it's a decision both of you made willingly. Talk about it as many times as necessary until you're OK with every detail and every reason. The last thing you want is resentment building up.

[Malaga]

I understand how you feel. We haven't yet had a specific conversation about who's going to move where, but it would be more practical for many reason if I should move to him. I was always OK with that, I mean I love where I live and love being close to my family and friends, but giving up on my love isn't an option.

However, my younger brother got a job overseas and moved out just last week, he's now 6 time zones away. Parents were rather emotional about it, they accepted it was the best option for him but still it was hard to take. Now I'm the only one left and there's an overwhelming feeling of emptiness in the house. I do want to live my own life and I don't think I should be conditioned by the choices my brother made. But at the same time I want to be there for my parents when they grow old and care for them. Leaving them on their own when they're getting old and weak just sounds wrong. I don't know how I'll handle it tbh, when the time comes to make that decision.

Whatever decision you make, who's moving where. Just make sure it's a decision both of you made willingly. Talk about it as many times as necessary until you're OK with every detail and every reason. The last thing you want is resentment building up.

[Puramu]

I guess the one big thing holding me back is my mom. We're really close, and always do a lot of things together. Well my brother's moved kind of far away, and he's even talking of going to Europe. I know she gets lonely while I'm off at college, but...I guess she'll just have to make do. Still it hurts to think about leaving her in this house all alone (cause I would take the cat with me when i move). Maybe I'm looking too much into it ^_^;;

[Tanja]

You really need to talk to your SO about this a lot or otherwise it will stress you out long before it's due. Once you go over all the details and reasoning it will seem a lot easier cause you both know it's the right and rational thing to do.

Practicality plays a big role when it comes to moving: for example it would've been easier for me to move to Wales language- and work-wise but because I have a house, a child and lots of pets and Andy was living with his family without any ties to anywhere it was more practical for him to move to me. It wasn't easy and he is still struggling with things but it was HIS choice and he said he doesn't regret making it cause he wants to be with me. I think that is very important.

Just be supportive toward each other no matter what you do and you will be fine