real names

[agentholli]

I have known my SO for a year and a half. We both have children. When he talks about his children, he doesn't say their names. It is always my daughter this..and my daughter that...never their names. I know their names, I had to ask him awhile ago what they were.

I asked him once why he never said their names, and he said "i don't? I guess its just habit to say daughter" Then he used their names for a couple of days and went back to calling them daughters. But really? for a year and a half. I have my kids and I just call them by their names....all the time. We talk about our children quite often, as they are our life basically. I know he is a private person, but don't you think he would trust me by now to just use their names? It seems it would be a lot easier then saying my oldest daughter and my youngest daughter. I don't know, it just really seems to bother me sometimes that he doesn't...maybe it bothers me because its not how I am.

So, why do you think he doesn't call them by their names?

[PurpleDreamer]

I don't have children of my own but I do talk about my nieces and nephew a lot to Ky, he knows their names and such but often, if I'm referring to one of them in a conversation, I say "my niece" or "my nephew" and it really is just out of habit. I don't really think that it has anything to do with trust as to why he doesn't use their names, I really do think that it might just be out of habit.

[agentholli]

so do you think I shouldn't let it bother me so much?

[MadMolly]

I don't think I would worry so much. My dad and most males I know refer to their children (if they have two or less generally) as "my eldest/youngest/daughter/son" whereas with women it's usually by their names.

[Altessa]

When I talk to my friends about my boyfriend, I never call him by name. I always refer to him as "my boyfriend". When I talk about my friends to other friends, I rarely name them too. I usually just say "my friend from work", or "my friend who gave me that nice watch", things like that. It's just a habit I guess, not to refer to people by name. *shrug* I don't think you should read to much into it. Besides, he's already told you their names before so it's not like he's hiding them from you or anything. So don't worry!

[agentholli]

Thanks Ladies

[Rach321]

I agree with everyone else. I find myself talking about my brothers this way, even with people who know them personally. I just get used to talking about them more generally ("my twin" , "my little brother" etc.) so I just use those terms in all situations: kind of like I wouldn't say my mom's name, I'd say "my mom".

[ErinKristine]

I wouldn't let it bother you. My SO doesn't name his friends when he talks about them, he says my friend next door or my friend from ______(name of place). Whenever he's talking about someone I'm like oh is that so and so because I have to ask names. He says he figures it's just easier to "describe" them than name them since he knows a lot of people. I know it's not the exact situation you are in, but again it doesn't seem like that big of a deal especially if you do know their names.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I agree with everyone here. It's probably just an interesting habit of his. Some of my family's closest friends, the siblings would refer to their brothers/sisters as "my brother did this" and "my sister did that" when I full well knew all of their names. I always thought that was odd too, I guess it's only how some people refer to their family. =]

[Lumos]

I actually had a conversation with my SO about this a few months ago. He would never refer to his friends or siblings by name, even though he knew the names of all of my sisters and friends and quite a bit about each of them. I didn't know anything about any of his friends! It felt like he was intentionally hiding part of his life from me. I finally asked him about it, and he said it was just easier to use "my friend" because I wouldn't know who he was talking about anyway. I explained that knowing more about people that are close to him would make me feel more involved in his life and asked how he would feel if I always said "my sister". He's been using their names since then ^^

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I think it's just a weird habit. I wouldn't worry about it. It depends who I'm talking to. I usually use names when talking about the SO, friends, kids I babysit, etc etc, but if someone who doesn't know me as well I say "my sister," "my friend." When talking to the SO I only use friends' names if he's met them or it's someone I talk about a lot and he basically knows. Other than that it's "a girl from class" or whatever. I wouldn't worry about it.

[Alisz]

Yeah, you shouldn't worry about it too much. Ray and I were watching a movie (it was really bad XD) and we noticed that all the characters called each other by name and it sounded really awkward. We realized that most people (ourselves included) rarely say the names of people we're close to. Like telephone calls are pretty much, "Hey, it's so-and-so." "Oh, hey, blah blah blah." The last time I can remember using someone's name is to introduce them to someone who didn't know it or to ask someone else if they knew where they were. I find I tend to say 'my brother' a lot rather than his name, it just feels weird to say his name I guess. ^^;; Even just now saying 'Ray' is a bit awkward than saying 'my boyfriend' heh