I really screwed up

[Mistakesinpen]

(Sorry its a long one)
So some of you know me and my now ex had alot of problems going for us. Last saturday night I finally got some courage and told him things werent working between us, and that I needed some space to figure out whats going on. I had been talking to someone else for a little while, and I needed to see if there was something there before I was going to continue with this doomed relationship.

Sunday night, I was offically single for the first time, and ended up sneaking over to a friends house to play video games like we have been doing for a really long time. I had planned to drive to my best friends erins house when I was tired and done playing. Well we played untill 1 30 in the moring and by that time I was exhausted. So instead of letting me drive another hour to stay at erins house, he just tackled me to his bed and told me I was sleeping there. This guy has always been a really good friend, and Im not the type that cares about touching people. So i snuggled up into him and stayed the night. Somehow during the night, he ended up kissing me and things got heated. (pg- 13 use imagination here).

Some how my ex was still reading my blog that I posted about on here, and its really my online journal. He read about me sleeping at my best friends house, and today sent me a very long and emotional messge:

" i think this is probably going to be the goodbye message and when i say goodbye i mean gone i hope your things

turnout for you i always loved talking about our future togeather and stuff but i guess it went up in smoke so to

speak.i came across old stuff that i forgot i had on my computer adn i came across about the other night but

itsokay its what you wanted to do i understand it kinda changed my mind on the whole thing i was thing of come

crawing back but i guess that wasnt worth it enough but it happened u submitted to do it like i said i changd you

over the past 11 months and and 8 days i think it was a good changed you came out a diffrent person and when i

left you started to come to terms on who you really are and i helpedyou to get there and you find that and your

going to be realizing this now but im true on that part you have came along way....the day that we broke up iwas so

lost in thought i could belive that i did it and i wanted you back so bad today has been the worst then when my

sister start talking to you i just sorta got that i changed my mind set this day has been hell i went thru a whole

pack today just out of wirry and fear of the reality that came to be i dont thing i can go back ofter that is like

i had a partial hope in a few more days and try to ask for forvieness and all but i cant do it its just like

stabbed me when ypu told me ot just went up in a balloni guess that end of the year hope and dream died that

night......this is taking all the stength i have left to talk to you and say good byewhen that day happened a few

weeks ago i could not stop thing about you so i was thining that i trully found love but few weeks later its the

end now after this its back to what ive had before you a few moth relationships and meaningless sex and all that

stuff i hope i find someone as great as you you not the first to get away but you are deffenatly the one thats the

hardest to let go of send the stuff back and ill send the blanket im going to try clean you out as much as i can i

never chose missouri over you you were my everything and my sould and missouri was the heart you were always one my

mind but i guess that doesnt matter anymore i never wanted to say goodbye im feel like such shit for doing it but i

guess i got to do it to move my life on this is the hardest bridge i ever had to burn im glad i got to be your

first "true" relationship i loved it every last bit....i fell like shit never talking to you its only cuz i doing

stuff that would of upset you ..that between waaking and sleeping i only really had a few hour day....i loved you

sooo much that i dint talk to u you cuz i didnt want it to upset you with me further im soooo sorry ari but i guess

it happened and then the last few days destroyed what was a hopefull bring togeather on the 22nd...but i gess

forever and ever came to soon in our short sight looks at the future and always wast left at hell the scars will

never heal but i guess vivimus cicatrices eligimus i loved you sooo much the dyas and noghts were great the scare i

was never happier in thhose weeks of limbo and not knowing but it wasnt enough i feel bad for doing this to you you

a good person and your really nice so alli can ask is move on and keep your head held high there will be another

guy like me out there somewhere you can do it you found me but i think this is long enouh im sorry i wasnt worth

fighting for had not faith left me i guess but i gess i dug my own grave thanks for the times the laughter the
tears the hopes dreams and your love -chris.."


If I had known that he even wanted a chance at fixing us, I wouldnt have even talked to the other boy. Now he is upset, and even deleted me completely off his face book.

What do you guys think. Is there even a chance I can fix it? I tried soo hard to explain to him that I didnt plan to sleep at this guys house and It just sort of happened. Im so confused and hurt right now I dont know what to do.

[snow_girl]

I found his letter really hard to read, maybe it was the spaces or huge run on sentence but basically if you post stuff online its open for everyone to read. If you didn't want him to know you shouldn't have posted that you stayed at his house. You can try talking to him and explain that you made a mistake but he's hurt so it might take a while to get through to him.

[tiffiebabbi14]

Maybe try to talk to him && make him understand. If you still love him you should let him know that. However if the relationship is to messed up then maybe it's better to move on. It'll be hard but you don't want to put all your effort into a doomed relationship.
Best of luck!

[Moon]

I don't see much reason for him to want to come back, I think it's better to just move on at this point, you can't take back sleeping, and PG-13 rated stuff at some other guy's house. Like snow_girl said, if you don't want the world to read it, don't put it online. He may come to forgive you after some time has passed, but why hold on to a relationship that wasn't working in the first place?

[tiffiebabbi14]

I don't see much reason for him to want to come back, I think it's better to just move on at this point, you can't take back sleeping, and PG-13 rated stuff at some other guy's house. Like snow_girl said, if you don't want the world to read it, don't put it online. He may come to forgive you after some time has passed, but why hold on to a relationship that wasn't working in the first place?

agreed.