Does anyone else have this problem?

[Snap]

I'm gonna try to articulate this as clearly as possible because it can get confusing.

Back story: My ex-bf was very narcissistic and controlling, but deep down he was very insecure. A few months before we broke up, he start teasing me about "other boyfriends." Like he would say, "You didn't answer your phone last night...I bet you were with your other boyfriends." Stuff like that. He always said it in a joking and teasing way. But he would "joke" about this a lot. Some of my friends told me to be careful because he could be planning on finding another girlfriend. I ignored my friends but OMG they were right! We ended up breaking up because he wanted to date this other girl.

A psychologist told me that he was doing something called "projecting." Basically, it's when one person has a problem that's bothering them mentally. In my case, it was my ex-boyfriend wanting to be with another girl. So they react by projecting their problem on someone else. So in my case, he "teased" me about wanting to be with another guy.

Here's a good Wikipedia article explaining projecting if anyone is interested. The infidelity paragraph is an excellent example.

Fast forward to present day: My new, current boyfriend is teasing me about "other boyfriends." But he likes to joke around a lot and he's joking about this for quite some time and he hasn't cheated. But I'm getting worried because I don't want this to happen again.

So my question is: In your relationships, do you guys ever joke about "other boyfriends" or "other girlfriends" in an innocent, joking way?

[Rosebud]

Hmm, I don't think joking in this way is ONLY caused by wanting to find another partner yourself. I know that I tease my boyfriend about his hordes of other girls all the time and it's not because I want to go out flirting our have a bunch of guys I'm secretly crushing on. I say it, sometimes because I am just genuinely joking around and there's honestly no harm meant in it, and sometimes I say it, I'll admit, because I do begin to feel insecure about other girls flirting with him and I want his reassurance that everything's okay. On occasion he'll also joke around with me back about my 'other boyfriends', but it never occurred to me that it would mean anything more than a joke and I still don't think it is.

Given your experience with this type of joking around, I think it's best that you explain your concerns to your boyfriend straight out. There's a good chance he doesn't realize how much it worries you and he'll probably stop if you ask him to.

[Zephii]

Oh yeah, we joke about this all the time. Pretty normal I think. Rosebud is spot-on though. Tell him whats on your mind.

[Caitlin2009]

we dont do it often but sometimes it pops up in especially when i tell her "im just looking at the most beautiful girl on this planet" and she'll go "who??!" and i'll say "my other girlfriend.....lol youuuuuuu silly!! " it pops up like that but nothing serious

[Yaaamiii]

Kinda...my SO and I have this joke where I'll pretend that I'm actually the "other girlfriend". I'll be like "dang, have you STILL not told your girlfriend about me yet?!" lol I think its funny, and I think he does too, he laughs at it, and plays along. What rosebud said was true, he may not even realize it. You should probably tell him straight up how you feel .

[Moon]

I think sometimes people do this because they are feeling a little insecure at the moment and are looking for a bit of reassurance. I wouldn't find it a problem if my boyfriend said that to me, but I can understand why it's making you uncomfortable. I think I'd just tell him why, and let it go.

[kteire]

My SO and I joke about that all the time, and speaking for myself, I'm not interested in anyone else, so when I joke about his other girlfriends, it's just teasing :P He does the same with me, and I can pretty much guarantee my SO isn't interested in anyone else.
And a lot of joking we do is the same as what Yaaamiii said - we joke that his "real" girlfriend lives in Dublin with him, and he hides her in his big closet when I come to visit, haha. I dunno why we joke about that sort of thing, really :P

[rivi87]

Lol the only time I have joked about my other boyfriend is when talking about my friend's 4-year old son Kyle who loves me :P

[NonyaB]

We both come from not very good previous dating experience to put it nicely so we do joke around but sometimes me or him will freak out that we're being serious lol

[bluishskin]

Yup my SO and I joke about that sometimes. He used to teach English in his spare time, and most of his students were girls. So I teasingly said something like, "Ooo is there any cute student? Did you ask for her number?" The same like Rosebud, often I don't mean any harm saying that. It's just pure joke. My SO sometimes teases me in the same way when we're on the phone saying, "Oh sorry I can't talk to you. I have a girlfriend." Or I'd say, "Don't you know that I have a boyfriend?"
I might tease him just to be reassured that I'm the one he loves, and he'll reassure me right away.
So if you're worried, go tell him.

[XxMeg589xX]

Me and My SO dont joke about this, dont know why.. just never have.

[snow_girl]

We had a constant joke that while we were LD I had a temporary fill in Boyfriend. He would ask if thats who I was going out with when I told him I had plans. Even now that we've closed the distance I tell him my temp bf is coming over to keep me company while he is at work.

[Dziubka]

As long as it's really just jokes it's fine.
My boyfriend used to meet up with this German girl in his city to practise German and I used to joke about him liking her all the time. And I don't want to date anyone else.

I think joking about that isn't really projecting. In my experience it's usually when one partner seriously, for no obvious reasons, accuses the other one of cheating or having an affair, that's more of an indicator. There's a saying in German that goes roughly like "What I myself think and do, I dare others to do, too." I'm very very wary of overly jealous people and the fact that my boyfriend hasn't ever questioned my fidelty even once, makes me not question his

[nicole]

We joke about it a lot too, and we don't want to date anyone else- we have an on-running joke, because I despise KFC, so he can't eat KFC when I'm around- if I don't hear from him in a while I say "You were eating KFC with your other girlfriend weren't you??". Sometimes I do it out of insecurity I admit, other times it's just joking around

[princessmeg1328]

My SO and I joke about this all the time. Usually, it's only when he tells a story that we supposedly did, but I don't remember it happening. I'll tell him that he must have done that with his other girlfriend. He always tells me, "You know you're the only one."