Doubts from Outsiders

[srigg009]

Hello All I'm posting to ask a simple question, but I'll start out with a brief intro. My SO and I have been dating for 1 and a half years from a distance. We've only visited for a week because we just don't have the financial stability to visit more often. We were friends before we started dating, met on myyearbook.com. Our families are 100% supportive of us; they see how in love we are and have even mentioned marriage and kids to us. We, ourselves feel as if we are already married. We know for sure, deep down that we were meant for each other and that we are soul-mates. But there's one, not really problem, but annoyance.... We receive lots of opinions from others our age. I'm 20 and he's 19, and with the world the way it is today, people our age tend to give us the "don't move to fast" speech or the "you don't know what love is" speech. I was talking to a friend last night and he told me that we can't possibly know that we are right for each other since we've only spent a week together. But, the whole 2 years that I've known my SO, there hasn't been one thing that we couldn't work through together. We also haven't fought in the longest time. The week he was here was friggin' amazing and we see eye to eye on everything. So, my question for you all is: Do you ever have people who look in on your relationship and tell you its not going to work, even though you KNOW it was meant to be?

[Zephii]

Nope, though I did have one friend tell me I probably wasn't ready to marry him

But really, who cares what they think? Take their opinion and look at it. Ask why they think the way they do. Listen, learn, then disregard the bullshit.

[tiffiebabbi14]

all the time && i hate it. My SO and i knew each other for 4 years before dating. Espically since I'm in High School people doubt it. I am adopted and my "adopted mom" doubts me and she hates it. She does this because of past guys but they all treated me like sh*t. And my SO doesn't. Also I guess since I'm pretty (load of shit guys preach to me) they say I should be with someone closer that can hold me and blah blah. I talk to guys but I would never cheat on my SO. So him and I just say ignore the haters" because that's all they are. Take that advice to hunny! You know what's best for you!

---------- Post added at 11:50 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:48 AM ----------

But really, who cares what they think? Take their opinion and look at it. Ask why they think the way they do. Listen, learn, then disregard the bullshit.

Love this! I'm gonna use that advice too!

[srigg009]

Thanks gals! Obviously, I will be ignoring them. I don't plan on getting married till after I finish school but I do know that he is the one I want to marry. I don't notice any other man and he doesn't notice any other woman.

[Mara]

When I was younger, yes. I dated my ex from the beginning of high school and until after my freshman year of college. Everyone always had loads to say about that. I think it's because a lot of people when they are young don't know what love is or make foolish decisions or think every person that they meet they are going to spend the rest of their lives with [one of my best friends was like that when we were teenagers] so they just assume that you are the same way.

People also tend to have a lot of opinions on LDRs, mostly because they aren't in them and have never been in them.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is, people always think they know everything, but really they know nothing. I take other people's opinions with a grain of salt. Just because they feel a certain way or think something is a certain way doesn't make it true because everyone's experiences and situations are unique. Unless you actually are that person how can you say what's true or not about their relationship?! Insanity. :P

[srigg009]

When I was younger, yes. I dated my ex from the beginning of high school and until after my freshman year of college. Everyone always had loads to say about that. I think it's because a lot of people when they are young don't know what love is or make foolish decisions or think every person that they meet they are going to spend the rest of their lives with [one of my best friends was like that when we were teenagers] so they just assume that you are the same way.

People also tend to have a lot of opinions on LDRs, mostly because they aren't in them and have never been in them.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is, people always think they know everything, but really they know nothing. I take other people's opinions with a grain of salt. Just because they feel a certain way or think something is a certain way doesn't make it true because everyone's experiences and situations are unique. Unless you actually are that person how can you say what's true or not about their relationship?! Insanity. :P

I believe this is so true. People are so quick to judge something that they have no clue about. I myself am very open minded, and a bit old fashioned when it comes to life. I think the world we live in today is just crazy. Like Pocahontas said:
"You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew"

[Bobbiejeanne]

The fact that you quoted Pocahontas made me giggle, but so true!

I feel like I'm just rewording what everyone is saying up here, but I thought maybe I could add my own little spin to it!

Ever since me and my SO decided to go the distance , we have gotten a never ending parade of "lessons" and "opinion"...most of which I would label BS! I get people who say "You don't understand, because you're young" and things like that... and my So has even gotten people from his church quoting the Bible about how our relationship will fail!
Personally, I think it's all very absurd.
The world that times are changing quickly! You can video chat with people across the world in real time, instantly send someone an email, or text messages! LDRs might have their difficulties, but it isn't ridiculous.
You know that, your SO knows that, and everyone here knows that. Just listen to your heart; when you do that, it's easier to tune out the others.

[Rosebud]

I've actually been quite fortunate in that the worst I've gotten from folks is the passing, 'Wow, that seems really difficult. I don't think I could ever be an in LDR.' and you know what? They're right. LDR's ARE difficult and they're not for everyone, so even though it can sometimes annoy me as I feel they may have a hint of pity in their voice, I've never actually encountered anyone telling me my relationship is bunk or that I'm ridiculous in thinking we'll make it work long term. It is true that I haven't openly discussed such topics as marriage or moving in together with a majority of my family, but the few individuals that I have, while they may have expressed mild surprise, still didn't tell me I was being silly for having such goals. And I like to think that if my family or friends didn't think my relationship wouldn't work out then why would they bother humoring me in asking me (and listening to my ramblings) about how it's going or being alright with inviting him on family vacations.

Anyway, I digress. Yet everyone here has stated the truth anyway. Trying to convince people away from their beliefs rarely ever works. It's better to simply SHOW them that your love for your SO can last-how can they argue when the proof of your commitment long term is staring them in the face?

[srigg009]

Anyway, I digress. Yet everyone here has stated the truth anyway. Trying to convince people away from their beliefs rarely ever works. It's better to simply SHOW them that your love for your SO can last-how can they argue when the proof of your commitment long term is staring them in the face?

That's how I now feel; all I can do is show people that we can make it because obviously when I just tell them they aren't going to believe it. I guess being in a long distance relationship changes your whole view on the "seeing is believing" thing.
P.S.~ Disney has a quote for everything

[Rugger]

Every time I mention that my boyfriend lives 5 hours away from me or that we don't get to see each other often, I get shit for it. SO many people believe that LDRs don't work simply because they were in one and it didn't work or they have never been in one.

Keep your head up girl!

[Anabela]

I get it all the time, mostly because of the lack of a definite plan to close the distance. Which is kinda sad, cause in our case it's primarily because of the visa/financial issues.

It doesn't hurt me when it comes from strangers, but it does when it comes from my friends. Some of those "friends" have even gone that far to tell me that things should have ended where they started (I met my SO while working abroad and we lived together most of the time, over a year). When I told them that in this situation I need support, not doubts, they told me that it is me who is irrational and that I don't want to hear "the truth". Needless to say, they haven't even met my SO and have no idea about the strength of our love.
I even stopped seeing some people because of it. It's very hard.

But one thing is true - after this I will know who my true friends are.

[bigmac62]

Not exactly anyone doubting us per se, but a couple months after we started dating, my roommate (who was a philosophy major) started giving me a whole bunch of grief over what love is, how it was all a physical thing, etc, etc. I didn't really say anything; just kind of walked away and pretty much did all I could to ignore him...luckily, he dropped out a couple months later and I never saw him again.

[rivi87]

In all honesty all but one of my relationships has been some form of long distance...I feel bad about saying this but the area I come from is slim pickings when it comes to men. Yes I had a few friends that doubted my relationship. I remember one saying "You know those never work out" and it made me kind of mad. Well I worked it out obviously since he is now my husband. Apparently, Minnesota is the place to find an SO for my family (me and my brother married spouses for Minnesota and my mom i dating someone from there :P)

[mickey's bird]

Before I met my guy, I had a lot of doubts from the majority of my friends. They had doubted the relationship was strong because of the distance and age difference. However, after spending 10 incredible days with my SO most of my friends realize the strong bond that we have and are very supportive. Whenever my friends doubted us or made negative comments, I never paid them any mind because they don't know a lot of my relationship or bond with my SO.

[Xanahtas]

I used to get it all the time. Literally. One girl was sad enough to make up songs about how crap it was - bearing in mind she is 16... She used to change the words to American boy to Canadian boy and sing it... thats how pathetic some people are. Even my best friend turned on me briefly because she thought i would get hurt. My auntie stil doesnt think much of it. Various people have told me it would never work and that its patheitc and that i should find a bf in the UK. But here we are, a year later.
Ignore anyone who tells you different. If you love your SO then it shouldnt matter what other people think. Just tell them where to shove their opinions and prove everyone wrong