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**Sharon Q** · August 7, 2011, 06:58 PM

Its part of life. Try and talk to him see if there is a future with him before you make any decisions. Good luck.

**nic&matt** · August 7, 2011, 07:14 PM

Things have to be hard to appreciate the blessings. Lessons of love conquering fear or love conquering distance aren't known already without the trials. Best of luck and welcome to LFAD!

**XxMeg589xX** · August 7, 2011, 08:22 PM

Everything will be okay AnnaBelle.. if you feel like you guys are ment to be everything will work out! In a LDR, in order to close the distance someone has to move from family... You feel a lot more comfortable being closer to him! Plus you can always visit your family back home! good luck

**bluishskin** · August 7, 2011, 11:03 PM

C'est la vie. The older we get the more trials we will face. I hope you are not rushing to move in to him as you are still young, unless you are ready to leave your family and face any kind of consequences once you start your life with him. You would want to avoid dealing with his ex-partner who is the mother of his son. I mean hey anything can happen, let's be ready for the worst. Talk to him and see which way is the best for both of you, especially for you. Think carefully before making any decision. Do you parents know anything about this? If yes, perhaps you can also talk to them and see what they think about it. Good luck!

**Anna_Bella** · August 8, 2011, 05:41 AM

Yes my parents know about all of this.
thank you guys. I will think carefully.

Anyone in my situation ??

**Riyko** · August 8, 2011, 12:43 PM

Also think about this you love him, but he has a child are you okay with the fact that until the child is 18 he'll have to see the kids mom a lot, also are you okay with the fact that he has a kid? (I don't mean any offence to anyone at all by that) Also what is your position on kids, do you want any, want to wait until later, don't want any ect.

if you are okay with any of those questions then go for it, go for the relationship, but do get to know if he's the one you want to be with.

**Anna_Bella** · August 8, 2011, 07:55 PM

yes i'm ok with that. otherwise i will not be with him..
I do want children later not now..
i know he's the one. my heart says yes
And nothing ventured, nothing gained, i prefer to risk something otherwise i will be unhappy to know that i didn't try..
and if something happens c'est la vie...
But i'm going to think well about it

**Anna_Bella** · August 18, 2011, 04:02 PM

hi guys, so i was thinking to go for college to South Africa. it will be a new adventure for me.. and to practise my english and speak well..

i will be closer to him as well.. so what do you think ?

**pytsip** · August 18, 2011, 04:13 PM

Firstly, welcome to LFAD, you've definitely come to the right place, because everyone here deals with or has dealt with similar difficulties!

Sometimes, you have to sacrifice being content right now for being happy in the future. It sucks, but it's something that everyone in a ldr does because being content isn't the same as being happy, and being happy is so much better than just being content. Don't let the distance break you up either, if you're strong and you are determined then you will get through it.

Even though you don't have family there, it doesn't mean that you won't fit in or won't enjoy it. My roommate when I lived in China was a student at a University in the United States, she moved from Hong Kong to the United States once she was out of prep school and she had no family or anything, but she loves it and she has friends and a boyfriend (who actually lives on the other side of the country from her) that make it feel like home. So, don't worry that you don't have family, you'll get by without them, and you'll really enjoy being somewhere different and learning the culture along with being closer to your SO.

**Anna_Bella** · August 18, 2011, 04:22 PM

Originally posted by pytsip View Post

Firstly, welcome to LFAD, you've definitely come to the right place, because everyone here deals with or has dealt with similar difficulties!

Sometimes, you have to sacrifice being content right now for being happy in the future. It sucks, but it's something that everyone in a ldr does because being content isn't the same as being happy, and being happy is so much better than just being content. Don't let the distance break you up either, if you're strong and you are determined then you will get through it.

Even though you don't have family there, it doesn't mean that you won't fit in or won't enjoy it. My roommate when I lived in China was a student at a University in the United States, she moved from Hong Kong to the United States once she was out of prep school and she had no family or anything, but she loves it and she has friends and a boyfriend (who actually lives on the other side of the country from her) that make it feel like home. So, don't worry that you don't have family, you'll get by without them, and you'll really enjoy being somewhere different and learning the culture along with being closer to your SO.

Thank you. it will be very interesting for me.

**AllieCat1989** · August 18, 2011, 06:40 PM

Welcome

I'm somewhat new (about 4 months on here but I don't get on very often). I've been with my fiance over 4 1/2 years, 1 year and 9 months of that have been long distance. 9 months in the beginning, and 1 year as of right now. We lived together for nearly 3 years. I hated living with his family, and he hated living with mine. So for now we are living apart until we can afford to BOTH pick up and move away from both of our families. I know you guys can't really do that because he has a son and can't just up and leave him. So you're going to have to do most of the hard work here, and make the biggest sacrifices (in my opinion) because if he's a decent guy his son will always come first and he won't abandon him. So unless his babies mother wants to pick up and move with you guys there's probably no way it would work unless you moved to where they live. Which will be really hard for you. When he has to do things with his babies mom in regards to their son, and jealousy happens. Or when you miss your family a lot. But remember, if it's meant to be, you guys will find a way to make it happen. Try really hard to get along with his kids mom. If you're in this for the long run you do NOT want that drama mixed in with this relationship. Especially while it's long distance. Long distance relationships can be very fragile at times especially if someone thinks you're trying to come in between them and their child. But it can be done

You can visit your family, and they can visit you. You and your boyfriend can both visit your family, and a few years down the line, if you get along good with his babies mom, and you guys possibly get married or anything and become his step mom, I'm sure she wouldn't mind you taking the baby on vacations with you to visit your family. Its going to be hard, ALL of our relationships are hard. But thats why we have eachother <3 It may take quite a bit longer than you anticipate also. It could be a few years down the line until you can move there. You want to have SOMETHING to fall back on if it doesn't work. Don't rely on him to support you, try to get a job so that if it doesn't work out, you're not completely and utterly screwed in that aspect.

**bluishskin** · August 18, 2011, 09:31 PM

Originally posted by Anna_Bella View Post

hi guys, so i was thinking to go for college to South Africa. it will be a new adventure for me.. and to practise my english and speak well..

i will be closer to him as well.. so what do you think ?

Sounds like a splendid idea indeed. You'll kill two birds with one stone. Go for it!

**Anna_Bella** · August 19, 2011, 06:24 AM

@AllieCat1989 : thank you for your advice..i know that i'm in a complicated situation.. and i'm young etc..and you're right his son will always come first no matter what..
the thing that really hurt me it's the fact that people judge me and talk shit about our relationship, like he's cheating on me, he doesn't care about me, for him i'm just a little girl.. :/ but i really don't care about what people think.

@bluishskin : Thanks.

**lucybelle** · August 19, 2011, 10:04 AM

First I'm a little confused, does your SO live in Mozambique or South Africa? If he's in South Africa does he also speak English? Or would he have to learn it?

Next- everyone here is in your same position. We've met people we love who unfortunately don't live where we do. It's hard to be in a relationship with distance. Not all of them work out. Sometimes it's just too hard to close the distance. Each scenario is different. How often have you seen each other in your time of being together? If you moved to your SO would you want to live WITH him, or live NEAR him? Is there a school you would want to go to? Does it have your career path? If you end up with your SO are you prepared to be a mother to his child?

These are all big decisions that are hard to make at your age. Think them through. Good luck!

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