He might cancel his visit end of this year

[uniquefem]

We had a long talk on Saturday eve.

Its just two things that running to my head when i was reading his lines about moving back to Russia few days ago before we had the convo on the skype.

First thing is, he never told me that its going to be asap, he said he will finish his project by the end of this summer in Germany.. which is pretty close. He said he will move to St Petersburg, not Moscow as there is more job there as researcher. Before he said he will do this next year in 2012. But all sudden it was changed and he never told me about it. And he told me on offline msgs.

Second, i just draw a conclusion that if he moved back to Russia in let say September thats pretty close with December... i know that will affect his visit.

So we did have a talk. I did complain that he made plan but he never include me in. I feel like i never be in his future. He said thats not true.. and he said sorry. I don't mind he's moving here and there... but why he didn't tell me his plan.. its a big thing!

And then about the visit he say, yes he might not coming to Indonesia end of this year i can not help but feeling sad. But i tried hard to sound like its ok, i want to support him, and i know he love his job so very much. But its just so sad... i don't know if i am too selfish to push him to come.. because that would be more money to spent for him as moving back to Russia must cost him too.

I just don't know what else a gf on my position could do beside saying "well, if you think this is the best for your career"

I left him offline msg as replied to the offline about moving, it said "can i move to Russia with you?" he never answer this. I know i just add more headache for him.

But we also talk about it, and i did inform him that its easier for the visa-compare to the Euro visa, also i could get fiance visa and stay there for several months and maybe get a job--he laugh at me say i can not speak Russian, no one want to made me as employee
ughh!! he does sound made sense...

I don't know.. just situation seemed going to be bad for me. Everything just came at once.. thats all...

[Mara]

Try not to get too upset or think things out too much yet. He only said he might not come, he might still, and considering the great deal he does care about you I think he will come if not then very soon afterwards. Maybe the two of you could reschedule the visit for just a couple months later? I know setting it back by a month or two seems like a long time in theory, but really it wouldn't be so long to wait.

And you are absolutely not making things more difficult for him! Asking about you moving there was a valid question. No, you don't speak Russian now, but plenty of people learn different languages and I'm sure if you had enough time you could learn. For right now, I'd just support him, tell him you love him, and that no matter what the two of you will make things work. You can share with him that you'd be disappointed and sad if he didn't come, but that you will understand if he can't come then.

[uniquefem]

Mara thanks for the advise, yes youre absolutely right now all i could do is show some support.

Its really hard to sound happy when you feel very disappointed thats all hahha i just wish he still could come and i do really care about his work and supporting what he likes. But another 7-8 months away from him its hard...

Thanks for the comfort tho...

[Moon]

uniquefem, I hope I don't offend you, but you seem like such a nice girl and having read your posts for the last year, I really hate the way this guy treats you, you deserve much better than this. He does nothing to ever make you feel secure in this relationship, and he toys around with your head. How can he think it's OK to just up and change all the plans, then tell you by offline message? It really is so unfair to you, he's not giving you the respect he should. I'm really sorry, I hope that you can find a way to let him know that you deserve to be treated with more consideration and importance.

That being said, I was in St. Petersburg last summer, it was a gorgeous and amazing city, but unlike most European (I know it isn't technically Europe!) capitals, it wasn't easy to communicate. There were no other languages used in any signage, maps, shops, monuments, most restaurants, tourist spots, etc. So, I think he's right that it would be very difficult for you to find any kind of work there without Russian, they don't seem to be as open to other languages as many other places are these days. Not that they have to be, Russian is what they speak in Russia, after all!

Good luck to you, I hope he stops acting so selfishly.

[uniquefem]

@ moon,
No.. i don't feel offended, thank you for the input i do know that he treat me very wrong. I just don't understand the way he think about me or our relationship. He said sorry when i mention about the offline, and its not a good way to bring up such topics but he always use the excuse that he's not a good communicator. Even when we met he'd not a "talker" type, just a quiet guy.

He did made progress on this communication issue. Of course i don't deserve bad treats like any other here we deserve someone who treat us with respect. The thing is, with all his good, this is his only bad thing. And as long as he keep his promise to made improvement on how to communicate with me, i still do forgive him.

Sound bad as i made excuses for him, but its just the truth, he rarely date girls, and can not express him self very well just keep everything inside him and im the one had to do the 5W+1H questions. But he will answer my questions, thats the good thing.

I did tell him that i feel that i am not that important that i seemed out of his future plan. He said, as Mara comment, its not a fixed plan. He will move but he doesn't really sure when.

We still had the talk going on till last night tho, thats when i know its not fix plan yet. Because he said after he see it again he can not finish the job that quick. But he did promise me to give an update on this.

I will try hard to learn Russia, if someone could do it, i just believe i can do it too... Like everyone here, i will do what ever it takes to be with him. I did google about St Petersburg, it is really beautiful but i bet it will be very cold there on winter thats the only thing that i might worry about!

...thanks again for your concern tho.... *hugs*

[Lina]

I really think it's not ok how he's acting. He should talk to you about his plans even if you're not included on the immediate future ones or if they're not for sure, that's what a couple is after all - 2 persons, not just one. Telling you through offline messages is another thing which kind of bugs me. You mentioned though that he's not the talkative type though, and you know him better than any of us. Half of what he said is true (the difficulties which would come up if you moved to Russia to be with him) but still, it seems like he's not making plans for both, he's pretty much minding his own business...Good luck with making him communicate better

[uniquefem]

I really think it's not ok how he's acting. He should talk to you about his plans even if you're not included on the immediate future ones or if they're not for sure, that's what a couple is after all - 2 persons, not just one. Telling you through offline messages is another thing which kind of bugs me. You mentioned though that he's not the talkative type though, and you know him better than any of us. Half of what he said is true (the difficulties which would come up if you moved to Russia to be with him) but still, it seems like he's not making plans for both, he's pretty much minding his own business...Good luck with making him communicate better

No, its not ok, you're right, we already talk about this me and him. And yes, i do know that he does make sense about the Russia... but what else i could do?? i think all you want in the end just be with your SO. Even if he's in other country it will be the same, language that i don't understand. But there are plenty who same like me i believe there. I wont know if i am not trying.

Thank you tho

[uniquefem]

We talk on skype yesterday night, and he said he will had time to go to indonesia at the end of this year for his xmast holiday

case close i guess...