Feeling Neglected/Doing Most of the Effort For Us... Need Advice

[ChristmasFanatic]

Just a recap guys, My Wife and I have been married for 1.9 years, but weve been seeing eachother for 6+ years now. Last June, she went to UK(Im from the Philippines) as a working student.

I know her life is busy, and difficult. They dont even have a TV or internet yet. I sent her flowers the week she got there to make her life brighter. I writer her DAILY, but send it weekly, I call her and text her a lot.

She did too but not so much cuz she said she is saving. But recently, she never do anymore. She said she needs to save for food and whatnot. I send her money(100 UK pounds last week, and she cant even spend 5 pounds for a call card. She knows my phone bills are way high already)...

I sent her 7 letters already(once a week as I said), she sent 0. Now Im not asking for much, but I want to feel loved too, to feel missed. I told her about this, she said she is just toooooo busy and stressed with adjusting to her new life. But its not as if she got hospital duty daily. She cant even give me a miscall. Should I just be more patient? Or am I right to feel neglected? It seems like I dont know her anymore since she went there. Its like she went cold.

Also, she told me once she is doing fine, then yes, she can start giving me the attention I want. But hey were married, thick or thin, shouldnt you give your SO even some of it?

Sorry, Im just soooo hurting right now, and the loneliness is driving me insane.

[urmysunshine]

awww...I am sure you both will work something out. But I do agree that some time should be given to each other, if not then what's the point of being in a relationship. As you said, give her some time and see where it goes things will work out. try distracting yourself by doing something else.

[ChristmasFanatic]

Thanks, I am distracting myself, but its so hard. 7 years, she is my world. Almost all my actions revolved around or with her.

I feel like Im suffering here but she is not affected at all.

[snow_girl]

You said that once she has things settled she will start giving you the attention you want. So just wait. IT can be very stressful and hectic when moving somewhere and working. Don't forget you are her husband and a lack of letters will not change that. Writing a letter in theory doesn't take long but in practice it can be quite time consuming.

[iamangel]

You and you're SO don't have the same personality, it's like you're the one who is needy or need to be reassured always and she's not. Just give her a time to adjust on her new environment and give her a space. It's like you're giving her so much attention while she's not doing any effort because of her busy schedules. She appreciates that but in the other side she have a guilt because she can't even give you in return so instead shes neglecting your efforts (Defense mechanism)... So maybe you should stop for a while. I mean don't make any effort , just keep and maintain your communications to her... And for that maybe she will miss your sweetness to her or maybe it will be for good.

[Zephii]

Right now I think she needs you to be strong and to just let her do this. If she says she's busy, she's probably just really busy. Give her a month to settle in and if she doesn't pick up her act THEN complain about it, because as you said, you deserve love too. It's not easy to set yourself up when you make a big move like she has done, so try to be patient.

Sometimes one person has to carry the relationship for a little while. That's normal and healthy. Right now, it's your turn. You can do this!

[Miramaid]

To be honest I think I would be just as upset as you are. But you need to tell her how you feel coz may be she has no idea that you really need her to call. Tell her what you said on here and tell her that you feel that she needs to make more effort for the relationship. I am sure she will understand. She may be busy but since you send her money just ask her to buy one calling card every time you send her money and call you. It is not much to ask.
Good luck and hope she comes back soon and you will feel much better!

[princessmeg1328]

I think that you should give her some space right now. Keep talking to her as often as you have, but don't put her under any more pressure than she already is under. Moving to a whole other continent is a huge deal. Trying to settle in and doing hospital duty at the same time takes a lot to get used to. Like Zephii said, sometimes one person has to work harder in the relationship than the other. When she finally gets settled, I'm sure you'll be happy that you put in all of the effort that you have. Just give her some time. It will be worth it in the end.

[ChristmasFanatic]

Guys Im trying to be strong. Its been almost a week since we last talked. My phone bill ending this Aug. 20 is already $260!!! Sigh. I want to feel loved, I told her that, but she keeps saying shes having a hard time. She got load but she wont bother making a miscall. I feel so neglected and I feel she is drifting away. Sigh. I dont wanna call her anymore else Id risk having my phone cut plus I guess I want to feel a bit of effort. Was crying a lot lately. Oh well...

[JEREIANEDREI]

Just a recap guys, My Wife and I have been married for 1.9 years, but weve been seeing eachother for 6+ years now. Last June, she went to UK(Im from the Philippines) as a working student.

I know her life is busy, and difficult. They dont even have a TV or internet yet. I sent her flowers the week she got there to make her life brighter. I writer her DAILY, but send it weekly, I call her and text her a lot.

She did too but not so much cuz she said she is saving. But recently, she never do anymore. She said she needs to save for food and whatnot. I send her money(100 UK pounds last week, and she cant even spend 5 pounds for a call card. She knows my phone bills are way high already)...

I sent her 7 letters already(once a week as I said), she sent 0. Now Im not asking for much, but I want to feel loved too, to feel missed. I told her about this, she said she is just toooooo busy and stressed with adjusting to her new life. But its not as if she got hospital duty daily. She cant even give me a miscall. Should I just be more patient? Or am I right to feel neglected? It seems like I dont know her anymore since she went there. Its like she went cold.

Also, she told me once she is doing fine, then yes, she can start giving me the attention I want. But hey were married, thick or thin, shouldnt you give your SO even some of it?

Sorry, Im just soooo hurting right now, and the loneliness is driving me insane.

as i read your post i feel sad for you...but yet as you said she's your world for 7 years..and despite of all this thingy that is happening still you LOVE her,.its what you called unconditional LOVE,.loving without asking something in return..
Thats how maybe we filipinos are.,were very lovable and understanding,.were LOVING our SO so dearly...
But on my own perspective maybe you should talk to her directly,.tell her what exactly you feel,.coz I know that she herself also feeling the same way too...it is hard being away with our loved ones..me with my SO were almost a year now being apart,.because we needed to for us,.for our future....what I usually did now,.I do pray,.just keep on praying GOd is listening,.he knows and feel you,.ask for God's assistance bro...Well Good Luck to you..to us...God bless kabayan!

[pytsip]

I think that she probably just needs some space. It's a lot to soak in being in a different country. Although I had all intentions of talking to my friends and texting them daily and such, when I was finally in China, it wasn't that I didn't care to see them or to talk to them, it was just a string of events that made it difficult to talk to them. The time difference, the fact that I was busy with classes and traveling and seeing China, it made it difficult to keep in contact with those people.

My boyfriend is currently still in China, and I know that he rarely talks to his family, or even to his best friend. it's not that he doesn't want to, it's just that he's so busy working and exploring that it's just difficult to catch the times to talk to them. I also know that while I was in China, our communication was much better just because we didn't have the obstacles that face us when we are in different countries.

I know that it's difficult, but try to stay strong and remember that she loves you, even if you are feeling neglected, I'm sure she hasn't done it on purpose. Although, I suggest talking to her about it, maybe she just isn't aware of how you feel.