Help!

[ksedar2408]

First off, I am new to the site and so glad that I came across it. I'm hoping it will help being able to talk with people in the same situation as I.

My SO and I have been in a LDR for just short of 6 months. August 21st will be our 6th month and I will be spending that weekend with him! I cannot wait. Lately I am really struggling though and have been upset more times than not. It makes him upset knowing that I am feeling so depressed and he tries to always put a smile on my face. We've been seeing each other about one weekend each month, and I know that it could be worse, and that I am so lucky to have him because we truly do love each other. He knows that I have a lot of other things going on right now: family issues, problems with finances for school, ect. He is trying to make me happy, I know he is. He is a very outgoing person, and I both adore and envy his personality because I can be terribly shy. So he'll go out with his friends and I sit in bed.. waiting around. Which I know isn't good, but being an introvert I don't have many friends. I just don't know what to do to make this easier on the both of us. I should not cry as much as I do because I know I am lucky to even have him in my life. I guess I'm just wondering how everyone else copes with their LDRs? I want this more than anything, I really do, and I want to be happier so that he can be happy as well. I want to show him that I am strong enough to do this.

I'm sorry for writing so much! I just needed to get this out. Thank you all for reading!

[LilyChiba]

I'll say first up, if I was able to see my SO once a month, I wouldn't be having half the issues I'm dealing with myself haha. Not to pick on you about that at all, just saying. I was fairly ok with the distance even after the one year mark, right up until when the DV lottery came in the first time. That's when things started to fall apart for me, because it meant that I would have a longer wait to see how things went. Days later, I find out that there is a second drawing because of an error. I wasn't really excited or putting much into it. Because I also started a course in June. Now, I haven't done any courses or work in 2 years, because I've wanted to be available on the pc for my SO as much as possible, not just for my sake but his. So starting at two days a week wasn't bad. But then the second draw came out, and I still didn't get it. Ever since then, I've been crying a couple times a week and been very moody. Last week I started work experience, which is another 2 days a week. It's put hard times on us because we're so used to talking any time we want, now we're limited to pretty much -maybe- after work exp/class and 2 full days (he goes out to the club on the other day I have off). The only way I have been able to mildly cope on this, is talking to mutual friends we have about how I feel, because my SO can be oblivious and even after I told him how I felt this week, we haven't had the time to change the fact we've had such little time in the last two months. We've both also had a lot of family stuff to do on weekends before I started work exp. The only way things have got by, is that he has slowly had to learn how to support me instead of getting annoyed by why I'm upset. I distract myself the best I can with other things and sometimes that helps, or a nice warm shower. Nothing beats that. Pick up a hobby that you can do or meet some new friends and I know its hard, I'm extremely shy myself. That was part of the reason to do this course, meet people. That's really the best I can offer since I'm always a cry baby myself XD

[Zephii]

Hey Great to have you here!

This site will be an awesome help getting through your LDR - it's like an endless supply of friends and they are there pretty much 24/7 (site seems to slow down in summer because some people get lives but hey that can't be helped!) LDRs don't have to suck, they can seriously rock too, and being the person that stays home while he's out isn't so bad either, because instead of mopeing you can do helps of lovely stuff for him to improve the relationship and keep it fun. Always look for the glass half full part. And if you get bored, message me, or pick someone at random! Serious!

Carrots xx

[Kay1994]

Hey, I have had the same 'problems' with my SO, she has family problems and such, I'm not gonna go into details or anything. But the only thing you can do is to keep happy, and as was said, look at the bright side, you see eachother alot! and do things, have hobbies, play games on the computer or something. When I miss my SO, I play Call of Duty and after a couple of rounds I am either cheery, or pissed because I'm loosing, but either way I am not sad anymore.

[ChristmasFanatic]

I am the introvert one myself, and get jealous, annoyed, etc. cuz time for us passess slowly. They can simply go meet with their friends, etc. And at times, its maddening! Keeping busy is not enough cuz all I think of is My Wife. But I found out, as much as I hate to admit it, is being with other people really helps. I hardly got friends myself and prefer to be with family... spend time with what you have, a minor distraction can go a long way.

[Mara]

People say this a lot, but it's really true- you need to keep busy. Even if you are an introvert, try focusing on yourself doing the things you enjoy and using your spare time to undertake hobbies that you wouldn't otherwise have the time to do. Being in a LDR has taught me a lot about myself and has helped me to be a stronger person. I'm long term relationship girl so I've always been in serious committed relationships where most of my spare time was taken up by a partner. Now that my partner is hundreds of miles away I really have a lot of spare time on my hands. At first, I was miserable with nothing to do and very lonely, but slowly I began taking up different hobbies and finding things to fill up my time. I'm still sad obviously about us being long distance, but the days past faster if you are busy.

[jennyjellybeans]

Like Zephii said, Glad to have you here!

I can relate to you alot as well! We had our 6 month when he visited too, which was great. He's amazingly outgoing while I'm completely shy and don't like going out much so I can relate to the whole just sitting around waiting while he's out and about kinda thing. It's hard and boring!!! But you need to focus on doing something else, anything else to get your mind off of him and any sad feelings you have. I was exactly the same way as you, but instead of letting any bad feelings get to me, I do things instead. Keeping busy helps! I'm not a social bug so I stay at home, watch tv, read cooking books, play Call of Duty and other video games, plan out my weekend or what I need to do before I go back to school, clean, anything I can think of and it usually works for me. I stay happy and he sees that, which in turn makes him happy. It may be difficult, but you just need to find things to do, go out for walks, paint, watch tv, read books, or even make something cute for your SO!

Also! Just so you know you are very lucky to be able to visit him so often! Be glad about that! Alot of people on here can't see their SO's that often, so your one of the lucky ones. :3

[ksedar2408]

I really appreciate all of the responses! The last thing I wanted was to sound whiny, when I'm getting to see him more often than many people in LDRs do. My apologies. I've just never done this before and it's hard :\ I'm working on trying to find a new hobby! Nothing has come to me yet. I have noticed that I've been going to the gym a lot more, I figure I can always try to better myself during our time apart. Again, thank you all for welcoming me. I'm really hoping to get involved in the forums and hear everyone's stories for inspiration. Thank you all so much!

[jennyjellybeans]

I really appreciate all of the responses! The last thing I wanted was to sound whiny, when I'm getting to see him more often than many people in LDRs do. My apologies. I've just never done this before and it's hard :\ I'm working on trying to find a new hobby! Nothing has come to me yet. I have noticed that I've been going to the gym a lot more, I figure I can always try to better myself during our time apart. Again, thank you all for welcoming me. I'm really hoping to get involved in the forums and hear everyone's stories for inspiration. Thank you all so much!

Oh sweetie you don't sound whiny! I was just pointing out that that's something to be very happy about! Just think of how lucky you really are! It is hard, most LDR's are, its just how it is. But that's great! Find a hobby you really love and enjoy and do it! And the gym sounds like a wonderful way to focus on something other than him. I hope you have fun in the forums!!!

[Lina]

We all get frustrated, I'm pretty sure, I'm on the list, haha. But it's all about reminding yourself how lucky you are to love and to be loved. Practicing gratitude helps a lot when you feel down. And like others said, find something you like and do it Like painting, a sport, get a pet, origami, etc. The 3 "Stay" rule: Stay active, stay optimist, stay strong.

[LilyChiba]

Yeah I didn't think you sounded whiny at all either. I was just stating that its great you get to see your SO so often. Hell, even if games or going out isn't your thing, maybe write about how you feel. Tumblr is my current addiction to avoid being upset XD I love looking at all the images e.e

[Madge]

Tumblr is so addictive!

Going to the gym is great, they also might have classes where yours is? its a great way to meet new friends

Also getting a hobby is a good way to take your mind off things. I found reading takes my mind of my SO.

Welcome btw! this is a great place to be

[uniquefem]

Well i meet him every 6-7 months. Its not easy.. everyday its a struggle and i could say i am a strong person... love just made you weak :P

I work in a remote jungle in Sumatra Indonesia first time we start the relationship. There is very less i could do than think about him while i am on job site! and the thing i could do is hit the gym 3-4 times a week, run on tread mill while listening to ipod for 1 hour go back to my room, shower and go to bed. Same routine for the next day.

If i were you there so much i could do, like right now i move to a big city, so i had list things that i want to try or do. Made a scrapbook for our anniversary, learning knitting for making a shawl for his upcoming bday, updating my traveling blogs everyday and post pictures that i missed, learn baking loads more, assigning Germany language course this October, thinking taking taekwondo class again, joining the comic book readers club, being active in couchsurfers clubs and Indobackpacker clubs, planning for my end of year holiday with my friends etc woahhhhh.. so much i could list here!!

I am sure you had things you like too.. or maybe things you like to learn.... these things could get your thoughts away from him a little while! and some of these activity you could do by your own.. or maybe with your sister or mom, like baking, or making a quilt??

Try it! maybe you think you don't like it... but hey... you don't know until you try it! just commit to your self that you will do a productive activity in a day... hehe because if not then i bet you will daydreaming about him, and this is baadd!!