I am lost here...

[Koneko]

I have submitted a previous post on here about how my SO never asks me to do things with him and I am always the one who has to come up with fun stuff for us to do.

My SO and I are an LDR couple and we have been together for a year. It seems like he doesn't want to do anything with me... He never asks me if I would like to watch a movie with him, play some games, or anything. I feel really hurt because it's like he is making no effort in this relationship. I tried to accept that "maybe that's just the way he is thing" but I really think that he isn't trying at all... I have tried not asking him to do stuff with me for a month and he never suggested one thing.

Even when we text each other, when he doesn't know what to say he will reply with "sooo." Whenever we have those moments where we don't know what to say next, I always try to keep the conversation going. But once again, he doesn't even try.

I feel unimportant to him and unwanted. I mean he promised me that we would plan stuff to do together as a couple but he doesn't ever do it. I ask him what game would he like to play or what movie he would like to see and he will say, "idk."

Another thing that bothers me is that on Facebook, sometimes his past posts will come up and I see sweet posts about his ex girlfriend. He broke up with me to date her and it only lasted for a couple weeks (This happened last summer). But he never posts anything sweet about me on his Facebook. He never told me that he loved me or anything. And we have only talked on the phone once (last year). Once in a while I'll ask him if he wants to talk on the phone, he will say, "idk." So we talk through text all of the time. It's like I don't know where we stand right now. It makes me cry while I'm writing this. I don't want to tell him this because I don't want him to feel like he is a bad boyfriend.

I am terribly sorry for this long post. I am really lost and upset right now... I really don't know what else to do. I don't want to break up with him but I am not happy in this relationship. He could at least try, but he isn't at all...

[Mara]

You need to tell him all of this. A person can't change their behavior unless they know how you feel. You need to tell him that you aren't happy, you don't feel important to him, and that you really need him to put more effort into your relationship. Don't phrase anything you listed above as wants or negotiable items because obviously these things are really important to you. If he cares about you, he will at least try to meet you halfway.

[Koneko]

Ok... Thank you for replying. I might try that.

---------- Post added at 01:53 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:51 PM ----------

I'm just scared that I will come off as needy or clingy. Like right now, I am usually the one who has to text him first, and I am waiting to see if he would text me first today instead. He didn't bother to text me yet...

[HollzHeartsChris]

A relationship should be two sided, not one. Tell him how you feel and remind him gently what it means to be in an LDR....it may be difficult to deal with at times, but it's made all the more difficult if one person is putting all the effort into keeping the relationship alive whilst the other does nothing. He has to realise that he has to make the effort and if he truly cares about you, then he will make that effort.

[krabuzh]

I second all of comment above and I think you should try to talk with your SO about your feeling honestly. No need to feel that if you told your SO then he might think he is a bad bf. Because how could he know what your feeling and your opinion if you never told him? People won't change if they never knew their fault/negative side
Just tell him what you feel okay and I do hope that he will change for good after he heard it.

But if the worst case is that he still keep on doing the same thing and didn't even change, then I think you should think about it again.
I mean, what's the point of having a relationship but you never happy with it.
You should be happy and you shouldn't be hurt too.
The same goes with your bf.
And in my opinion, your bf at least should have tried to make you feel happy and put an effort in your relationship.

Hope the best for you and good luck with your relationship! *hugs*

[Koneko]

Thank you Mara, HollzHeartsChris, and Krabuzh. I appreciate all of your advice Thank you all for taking the time out to read my post and answer me! *hugs*

[Yaaamiii]

I agree with everything said above :P. A relationship is definitely two sided and he needs to put in his half as well. I feel like maybe you've made things too easy for him? But I would definitely tell him everything you just told us because its closest at trying to say how you feel. Plus, if this continues you may start to grow resentful of him :c And that wouldn't make things better.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Thank you Mara, HollzHeartsChris, and Krabuzh. I appreciate all of your advice Thank you all for taking the time out to read my post and answer me! *hugs*

No problem That's what we're here for hehe *hugs*

[Koneko]

I feel the same way as well. I am too forgiving and I guess that I am pretty desperate. I will tell him all of this when the time is right. Thank you Yaaamiii

[kimuto208]

mmm...... i would feel the same sometimes as u do, koneko.

i think u should tell him eventhough no improvement at all, as i experienced the similar situation and i told him what i think of, i do have the same fear of don't want he thinks he is a bad bf. but i don't want to hide any my thoughts in our relationship too.

ppl should shut down themselves sometimes, like lock them up and no listen to others, need to try and talk more even get no feedback.

I know it can be frustrated and exhausted, but u tried at least, u put the afford in it.

[Zapookie]

I second everything already said. You need to talk to him. Communication is so important in an LDR, because that's pretty much all you have for a majority of the time. Speak to him about this, let him know that the way he's going about things is making you feel unimportant, and hopefully it will open his eyes. It's the only way he'll be able to change. I would only consider ending the relationship if he makes no effort once you have thoroughly spoken to him.