Does anyone else feel like 'this' is not enough?

[LovingHim]

Me and my boyfriend have been in a LDR almost a year (we were CD before) and I was coping well most of the time, but then last time we couldn't see each other for 3,5 months (which I guess is normal for other couples, but I was spoiled with visits every 5th week). During that time, I felt very lonely, because I stayed in the city where I study during the summer due to my job and my only friends here are guys who I don't want to see much - I don't want to make my boyfriend uncomfortable. In short, I became impatient, telling my boyfriend I don't want a penpal or a boyfriend on a phone, I want a real relationship... my boyfriend was sweet and supportive, telling me to wait till the next visit because afterwards everything will go back to 'normal' (seeing each other every 5th week). A week or two ago he came to visit me and everything felt right, but now he is gone again and I am a complete mess. I feel like I have had enough of this, I really want a real relationship when I can come over anytime I want, do normal boyfriend-girlfriend stuff and not to sit on the internet. I have lots of hobbies, but I still kind of feel single (I don't have a crush on anyone and would never cheat on my boyfriend), it's more like the feeling that I miss being in love, I miss having good time together, pictures, memories... the worst part is that there will be at least another 3 crappy years like that. I can do my own stuff all the day, but then one thought of us being apart tears me up. I don't want this anymore but I don't want a break up either... anyone can help me? sorry for my English

[kiara_silver]

I think most of us has had these days were we just want to end the distance and feel like its to hard. I know there were times when he was really busy that i struggled with the distance. He would barely have time to talk to me, and i would feel neglected and like he was out of reach. Not only were we long distance but now theres no communication, and at those times it was hard i felt alone. And then now after finally meeting and seeing how amazing we are together, having all these memories and time together he's gone and we won't see eachother for 5 months the soonest and a year the latest. And its so hard right now. Its much harder then before it seems. And we both know we never want to to distance again when we get the chance to end it. Its horrible being alone. And so far from eachother. And the worst art is theres not alot you can do about it, other then work hard to see your SO again. I like to take comfort in what he told me. That its only a small part of forever that we'll be together. So yes a few years is extremly hard, but look at it in the long run, getting all those years and your life later with him. My advice is just to keep the communication open, communication and talking is key. And to keep your SO high on your list of prioritys. I know its hard but hang in there girl.

[knhdarw]

I feel the same way but i feel like this once a month i have SEVERE PMDD which makes me question if i love my BF or not and sometimes can make me think im not in love with him... It gets really scary because i know i love him but sometimes i just cant feel it and i cant run to his house to help make me feel better like u i miss the feeling of being in love i know i love him but from 1000 miles away you dont get to have those intimate lovey feelings because u cant touch your SO... I will not be able to see my BF until december and it KILLS me and there nothing i can do about it. All i wanna do is lay in my bf's arms and kiss cuddle have all the normal experiences couples get to have it breaks my heart to not be able to have that Even if i was to break up with my SO i dont want anyone else nor would i cheat on him. I love him so much i just hate nt having him here and i hate waiting and not being able to do anything about him ;(

[amackin]

I feel like this all the time at the moment. We are less then two weeks away from a deadline that will determine if we can ever close the distance and the stres is causing lots of fighting and I haven't seen him in over 6 months now and 6 months is just too long. I am hanging by the "skin of my teeth". I am tired of feeling single while in a relationship. I miss affection so badly. This is literally the hardest thing I have ever done and I am not exactly young! I have had three kids, gone through divorce, suffered a second trimester miscarriage and am turning 40 in December! I have experienced plenty of stessful situations and this is the worst!

[kteire]

I guess I can feel like that from time to time, not so much lately. I found that a lot when we first started doing LD, and it was really hard to get past. I don't really know why I don't so much anymore, to be honest, might have something to do that in 2 months I'll be seeing my SO more often than every 3 months.
I guess when it really comes down to it, what's really important is whether you'd prefer to have a LDR with your SO than a CDR with anyone else. It sucks. I'd give anything to have that normal, close relationshippy stuff with him, and I feel like my SO and I spent most of our "honeymoon phase" being apart from each other. But he has to be in the UK or Ireland for the next 2.5 years, and I have to be in Canada until I have enough money to move.

[Anabela]

I think all of us have periods like that. Me and my SO were living together before we had to return to our countries. The day before we were supposed to leave for home I was on the verge of a mental breakdown and he hadn't even left yet. I was in a LDR for 3 years when I was very young (16-18) and I knew how hard it was. This time it was even harder cause the distance is huge. I love my SO so much I would walk to come and see him if it wasn't for the ocean between us. I told him I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it. I was so sad. He encouraged me, always trying to be positive.
It got better over the first month of distance, but I have very dark periods when I keep thinking that I can't do it anymore. We don't know when we're gonna close the distance and that is what makes it so hard. I also feel stuck cause we can't close the distance because of the visa issues. It's completely out of our control.
Very often I have a feeling like I'm left hanging until the perfect conditions meet so we can be together. I can't do much, only save like crazy for that one visit a year I can afford.

To summarize, I want it to stop, this pain that I'm feeling, but the idea of being without him completely is even worse. What would I do without the love of my life, no matter where he is? It is very hard. So yes, it's only up to whether you want a CD with someone else or whatever is possible with your SO.

[LovingHim]

Thank you for all the responses. I am 100% positive I want a CD with my current boyfriend. I guess is just frustrasion from being apart and the fact that I am young and haven't had a proper relationship yet. I don't want to wait anymore, I want to have him here and now, but as he says, we have a good relationship and many people don't have that. But everything can't be perfect, right?

[Anabela]

You're right. Life is all about choices and finding that fine balance between what we can and what we want. I guess the best would be to go for whatever situation is realistic, and which makes you the happiest at the same time.

[rivi87]

Yea I think it is part of being LD. I like you were saying I have been fortunate than some seeing my SO every 6 wks or so. Now I will be seeing him in less than a month for 2 weeks and then the worst thing..I won't see him most likely for 8 months and I don't know how I'm going to cope. Not to mention that our daily nice convos have been cut more than in half and I hear from him every few days It's a very hard adjustment. On the other hand I know that this is just a phase and I would'n't trade him in for anyone else. What can I say..you just know when its something to stick in there and fight for. In Mitch's words "I don't know what to tell you..you're stuck with me now :P.

[books]

I can really relate. My SO and I were CD before and I think for me that adjustment period where you go from seeing that person every single day to not seeing them at all is so hard. It's especially hard knowing what it was like to be a CD couple, having that experience, all those memories and then now you have to adjust to the LDR. I have also told my SO that at times I don't feel like I have a boyfriend, which he didn't take well, but basically I was trying to say that at times I really feel alone in all of this. I miss the support of having him by my side and really want that in a relationship. We have super limited phone contact and I have no idea when my next visit will be. The first visit was right at the 5-month mark, now I'm thinking the next one may be closer to 7-8 months. I am just trying to maintain and take it week to week. My biggest fear is that as time goes on, I will disconnect from him which really scares me as we had such a strong bond when we were CD.

[lonelyinlove]

yea I feel like that alot...& i wish i had advice for you...hell, i wish i had advice for myself. Its not fair...but we can't help who we fall in love with....All we can do, if its worth it, is try our best to make it work.....my heart goes out to you...