H.S. Sweetheart LDR I Need Advice!

[crystaldragonix]

Hello LDR community,

So I need some advice. I'm 21, a 5th year in college applying to go to Optometry School a 4 year program. I having been dating my BF since junior year in High school and we have been long distance ever since. We are about a city apart (30-40min drive). However as students its very hard to visit each other due to our crazy schedules and empty bank accounts. I see him at most 4 times a month. We been together 5 years going on 6 and I just want this LDR to stop. I want to see him everyday and I am running out of patience. Here's the problem, if I knew for sure like REALLY for sure that he would be able to go to grad school in the same city as me and the same year then I would be patient. However that is not the case. To give you a gist of how things are, my bf is a momma's boy to the extreme. He lives at home with her. She cooks all his meals etc.(He's 22 by the way) That is the reason why he didn't go to college with me in the first place because she wanted him to be a pharmacy tech, then go to community college near his house. So that put him way behind in classes for pharm school. So say if I go to grad school (in state or out), I'd probably be half-way finished before he even has enough classes to apply. I can only take so much sadness, loneliness and unhappiness. Adding another 2-5 yrs is a long freakin' time. The longest we've seen each other at one time was two days straight. I thought the point of a relationship was to add happiness to your life, and right now i feel like its taking it away. My needs are not being met, I want to see my bf everyday like a normal couple in love in college. I don't want to be in Grad school missing him, and being angry that he can't visit me. I don't have time for an emotional roller coaster especially where I am going. I think I may just go to grad school and start fresh, no LDR, no BF. But he is the love of my life. We don't have any problems when we see each other. What do you think?

[Mara]

Couldn't he just transfer to another school in the same city you would be going to grad school in? My SO is in grad school and I'm still finishing up my undergrad [he's older than me and I'm behind] so when we close the distance I'll be transferring schools. It's really the only thing I can do in order for us to close the distance without having to do another 2.5 years LDR.

[lonelyinlove]

To be honest, I think that exactly what you told us you need to tell him. He needs to know what a big problem this is for you. If you continue having this issue where you are only working to keep this relationship alive and he is not trying, you will resent him so much and that is never good for a relationship. You both should try to talk about a solution for the problem....

Hope I helped a bit...

[crystaldragonix]

[/COLOR]@maria
I have thought of this however, he is playing the "I don't have money" card. Which to me is an excuse because there is something called scholarships and student loans, which you pay back interest free anyway. He could have transfer to a college near me (for undergrad) because he has enough credits, but he didn't b/c his mom isn't willing to pay. For grad, I know you can file independent, and he says he will go with me for grad, but whose to say that he will pull the broke card again?

---------- Post added at 07:14 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:11 PM ----------

@lonelyinlove

I've tried that. Its gotten to the point were he doesn't want to talk about school or the future. I think he feels like I'm trying to force him to hurry up with school or tell him where to go. If anything he is starting to resent me.

[Mara]

Hmm, sounds like there are some control issues going on with his mother and it also sounds like he isn't quite ready to close the distance with you. I think that only leaves you with two choices. One, you lay it all out for him and tell him that you simply cannot take this distance anymore and if the two of you cannot close the distance by x date you just don't see how it's going to work out and if he doesn't follow through then unfortunately you end things. Two, you stay with him and wait until he's ready and able to close the distance with you however long that takes. I do understand where you are coming from though..no one wants to do this for forever, but only you can decide really where to go from here.

[crystaldragonix]

I appreciate all of your responses. I will try these suggestions, even the ones I've tried before and see what happens.

[Sharon Q]

I would try and talk to him about it. He is 22. Its time for him to move out of his mom's no matter how much of a mama's boy he is he needs to understand he has his own life and he can't stay at his mom's forever. Try to talk to him about moving closer to you explain how hard it's getting for you and that if he wants the relationship to continue that he needs to move closer to you at some point.