Am I being unreasonable?

[Jezah]

So, I haven't posted for a while, cause things with me and HBB have been awesome. However, we have hit a sour note and I am for the first time...really upset.

This is the rundown, Friday night I got a call from my boss. Turns out I forgot and missed a shift, and I had a MAJOR freak out. I was really upset, worried I would be fired. I love my job, and need the money. HBB was on Skype with me when it happened, but it was already 7:30pm here so it was 12:30 there (I think, math is not my strong suit). He stayed up for another hour with me while I was really shaken and on the verge of tears before deciding he needed to sleep. That alone upset me. I needed him and he wasn't there. I got over it though, let it go and moved on. Now tonight I got home from work upset cause my boss yelled at me, and got 2 other pieces of awful news. One of which actually triggered my ptsd a bit (not that I told him, I am embarrassed about it) and really made me feel horrid. So much so I couldn't eat, and was shaking. We had already planned for him to wake up 2 hours after I got out of work to talk to me. Well 10pm rolls around and he txts me saying he is too tired, so I say "sleep for a couple more hours I am fine" and he does. That was fine, I was doing other things. Well he gets up at 12am and is ridiculously tired but decides to try anyways. He gets on Skype, and is too zombie like to offer me much consolation at all. I take what I can get though and besides just talking to him makes me feel a smidge better.

Well, I got another piece of crap news at 1am and it made my by then improved mood nosedive. However, at this point, again, HBB is fading fast. He ended up going to bed shortly after, having pretty much done zilch to improve my now crap mood. Seriously, I know he needs sleep but he GOT sleep, like 6 hours or so....and I NEEDED him. I am so not a needy person either, I hate to even show I need him but I DID and my reward is him going to bed. I love him so much that even writing this I feel bad...but I can't be afraid to be upset with him once in a while just because I am afraid to lose him or to seem ungrateful.

I feel like I need to pull that wall back up, push him out a little since it is obvious that I need him and he cannot fulfill that need. I don't want to, but this hurts and leaves me feeling like a fool. Am I being a complete idiot??

ADD ON: Just wrote this 5 min ago and feel horrible, like stomach in knots. I hate voicing any complaint with him since he has always been so perfect...but maybe that in itself is bad? I feel bad even being upset, like I have no right >.<

[xnavylovex118]

My husband (who is in the Navy) and I have actually ran in to the exact same problem the past few weeks. So, I can definitely empathize what you're feeling.
We've finally managed to talk it out, so I can offer you a little piece of advice as to how not only soothe over the whole situation, but also for you to let your SO know how you're feeling with the entire situation. Let's just hope you don't get to the mental break down that I went through with it all.
Best way, put a time for you both to sit aside and talk it out. What you wrote in here is almost perfect for you to even tell him. You're not being selfish in the slightest bit. All you want is the same treatment that you would naturally provide for him. Besides, the saying does go something like, "Be with someone you can't live without."
Lines of communication are vital, especially for long distance. I told my husband how I felt almost insignificant when he brushed my messed up state off for sleep, and explained that him listening and understanding was something I desperately needed. And it sank in for him. Simply because distance is hard on both SOs, and as much as any one may hate to say it, we can't always handle everything on our own.
Don't let the problem sit, cause it will really only make it worse. Just tell him how you feel.

[WakeUpSusie]

I understand that you were trying to work through a difficult situation, but things can get sticky when you rely on someone else to make you feel completely better. What I mean by that is if you put the pressure of having to make everything better on your SO, you in turn put a lot of strain on the relationship. I've been there, and that is a BIG cross to carry. We ended up breaking up because of it. I couldn't be held responsible for making every little thing in his life better because he was too codependent to do it himself.

Now, I'm NOT attacking you or saying that the same thing is happening/will happen, but I'd caution you to be careful. It can be a lot to ask someone who needs things themselves, like sleep, to give them up to talk about something that theoretically one should be able to work though themselves, at least until the other person is able to offer help. For example, it sounds like your SO did stay up and talk to you, for an hour, about what was going on and finally admitted he needed sleep. I don't really think that is too much to ask, especially since he agreed to wake up again a few hours later to talk about it again. It sounds like he was being sensitive to your feelings and what you were going through, but he was also exhausted. It's important for those in a relationship to be sensitive about eachother's needs. While I completely understand why you were upset and wanted to talk to him about it, I think that it's also important to realize that he needed something too and gave a lot of it up to comfort you, even if he couldn't (not wouldn't) give as much as you wanted at that particular time.

[kteire]

Gah, stupid time differences. I've got the same between me and my SO, and 5 hours can be a pain.
Honestly, 6 hours of sleep is not that much for many people. I know that getting my SO to do anything after less than 8 hours of sleep is impossible. But your SO is only human, at least he made the effort to come online at veeeery early hours to try to make you feel better, even if he couldn't. Don't take his tiredness personally, I'm sure he wishes he could have made you feel better, but there's only so much he can do. You needed him, and he tried to help, but it's a lot of pressure to put on someone to say that they're not fulfilling your needs because he couldn't make you feel better, and couldn't overcome his own tiredness. Don't push him away just because of this, just try to communicate how you're feeling.

[CaptainKaz]

Being the half that is five hours ahead, it's pretty brutal staying up late/getting up early to spend time with my SO. I get about 5 - 6 hours of sleep a night, and it is exhausting. Sometimes, I just have to say to my SO I'm simply too tired to talk. It doesn't mean that I don't want to spend as much time as possible with him, it's just my body literally won't work any more.

I do understand feeling hurt that your SO didn't seem to pick up that you needed comforting. Boys can be thick as two short planks sometimes. But it might just be that he didn't realise you were as upset as you were about everything. What upsets some people is water off a duck's back for another. What I found out the (hard way, of course), was that if I really needed my SO at any point, I would outright tell him that I needed him to be there for me - and he likewise tells me. It pretty much solved any disagreements over situations like this for us.

[Kristin91]

I think it's perfectly within your right to feel upset. My SO and I have gone through a point like this where I really needed him and he pushed me away. It took a few hours but I finally told him how I was feeling and we talked through it, and we were okay a few hours later. The only thing I can say is make sure he knows how you're feeling and talk thing through with him. As someone above mentioned set aside a specific time to talk about this...