Other people not respecting your relationship

[pytsip]

Ok so the other night I was hanging out with a guy that I met a few weeks ago. Originally he sent me a few text messages asking to hang out, so I figured that it was important to let him know that I had a boyfriend. He said that was cool and he was cool with being friends, so I went out to have a few drinks with him the other night. I got a little too drunk to take him all the way back to his house so I told him that he could stay at my place and sleep on the futon. Meanwhile, at the bar, I had pretty much taken up the entire time we were there by talking about Andrew, I mean he's coming home in 6 days, it's a pretty big part of my life right now. Well anyway, when we got back to my apartment, a beer got spilled all over my futon, so I was trying to be a nice person and told him that he could sleep in my bed. I really didn't feel the need to reinforce the fact that I had a boyfriend yet as soon as I tried to go to sleep, the guy was all over me. I kept pushing him away, trying to be nice but firm that I didn't want to do anything, and he kept saying "it's ok, he's in China he won't ever know." It got to the point where, despite me being a little tipsy, I told him to get up and that I was taking him home. I guess it was my own fault in a way, I think sometimes I am too nice, but it just really irritated me. The guy had absolutely no respect for my wishes. he kept saying "it's ok, we're just friends" and then would put his arm around me and try to start kissing me. And I kept telling him that "just friends" don't do that.

Of course, the next day I sent Andrew a message on facebook about it. I told him everything, and I still have yet to hear back from him. I'm pretty sure he's not mad at me, but I just needed to vent to him and also make him aware of what was going on. I guess here I am venting again.

So anyway, if it's too long for anyone to read the whole thing, just answer this question:

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has not respected the fact that you were in a relationship with someone, what was your reaction, how did you handle the situation?

[snow_girl]

Lots of times when a guy hears someone has a boyfriend it means try harder. It doesn't always mean off limits to some guys and perhaps he felt he was lead on. He went out for drinks with you, then you offered to let him stay at yours then invited him to stay in your bed. Regardless if you were talking about your bf or not, he is going to take that as a come on. You've both been drinking and he's a guy. I think it was dumb on your part to let him stay in your bed just meeting him, almost like you don't respect your own relationship. How would you feel if it was reversed and your bf had a girl stay in his bed? It sounds like he was either just horny drunk or likes you, either way I think you ought to distance yourself from him. There have been guys that thought that me having a bf didn't matter but I never put myself in a situation where something awkward could happen so it didn't escalate to much.

[kteire]

I had a similar situation shortly after my SO and I became LD. I was traveling around Europe for 4 weeks on a Contiki tour, ie, I was stuck with the same people the whole time haha. In the group of people I befriended and hung out with, there was this one guy who I became quite good friends with pretty quickly, as we shared a lot of common interests. But then he started trying to convince me that "Love isn't always enough" and "You're going to have a hard time going four months without at least kissing someone" etc etc, basically telling me I was foolish for not being with anyone but my SO. And so the first night that we all drank together, he kept trying to get me away from everyone else to kiss me, thinking if no one else knew, I wouldn't mind. Well, I did mind, and I tried to avoid him as much as possible, but it's hard when you're having to be in a group together all the time. It all came to a head one night about 3 weeks in, we were in Venice, and I drank way too much, and ended up walking off with him for a short while, so that I could drunkenly yell at him for belittling my relationship and not leaving me the hell alone. I puked on him, went back to my tent and passed out, and then he set his sights on my other Canadian friend for a while, haha.

I hate when it's happened though, cause that's only been the worst of many situations where people I otherwise enjoyed and trusted tried to convince me that just because my SO would never find out, I should cheat on him. And they always try to say "What makes you think he isn't doing the same??" I tell my SO every time it happens, mostly because it does upset me quite a bit.

[kiara_silver]

Not to harp on you but i kind of agree with snow_girl that letting him stay in your bed was fault on your part. For me letting another guy into my bed would be crossing the line, and let alone you both are drunk. Kind of seems like you were asking for it. If Nathan were to invite over some drunk friends and let a girl stay and sleep in his actual room it would bug me. But good job for staying strong and kicking him out and then coming to your bf. I hope he writes you soon.
Mhmm i have never been in a situation like this really. I had before i told anyone about my SO been liked and my cousin wanted to set us up because his friend took an interest in me, but i avoided it, other then that nope just my family in the way lol

[pytsip]

I know it wasn't the best decision on my part, it was something that happen given the circumstances. I wasn't going to risk driving, and the entire idea was for him to sleep on the futon in another room, however, I'm also not going to make someone sleep on something that was soaked either. It is something that I know I shouldn't have gotten myself into. I guess maybe I'm a little naive, I've shared my bed with other guys in the past, prior to me dating my boyfriend, (him being one of them) and they were all very respectful, even though I wasn't even in a relationship at the time. I guess I just thought, he knows I don't want anything to do with him in that way, I have no other option but making him sleep on the hard wood floor or me sleep on the hard wood floor or me driving him home and possibly risking a car accident or a dui.

and kteire, I get the "what makes you think he isn't doing the same thing" all the effing time. It irritates me, because I think he isn't because I trust that he isn't and that if anything did happen, and he messed up, like I did, (even though nothing happened) he would tell me.

[Zephii]

I think you handled it really well. I've never been in this situation, mostly because I don't have a life. I just wanted to tell you not to feel bad.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I've never had to deal with a situation like that before, because I avoid situations as awkward as that like the plague lol. I know that with university coming up soon however, that I'm going to have to be on my guard much more often

[Joyce:)]

Twelve days before leaving for america, i was drunk (celebrating my exams) on a terrace talking to a friend i have known for years. He all of a sudden tried to kissed me, i told him i couldn't, and he obviously went on and on about how my boyfriend was far away.
Boys do that, no matter what kind of relationship you are in. When i was in a CDR and my boyfriend wasn't at a party with me, another boy tried convincing me that my boyfriend could be cheating on me so i might as well hook up with other people.
some people don't respect relationships unfortunately, but it's lucky that others, like us, value them too much to ruin them

[xnavylovex118]

I think you handled the situation really well. You have a big heart, and you were trying to make a guest feel comfortable. I think it was his own fault for trying to force you in to something you didn't want. It all depends on how you want to analyze the situation. But, you did an amazing job keeping a level head.
As for the situation, I've never had one that severe, but I've had to reinforce the idea that I'm married quite a few times. Seeing as I'm not even 20, a lot of people find it hard to believe, and like to keep forcing what they want.
Over summer I was at a fair with a few of my girl friends, who are boy crazy to say the least, and while they were having their good time flirting away, I was busy swatting a guys hand from my shoulders and waist. It's situations like that way I tend to avoid going out with anyone these days. I find it a lot easier to just do what I need by myself or with a friend who is also in a relationship. For some reason it just makes my life simpler. I love my SO far too much to ever do something that could hurt him or us.

[pytsip]

Just a little update on the situation, I talked to Andrew today (silly boy is staying up all night so that he can sleep on his train to Beijing), and he's not mad about it which I'm glad about. Thanks to everyone for making me feel a little better though, it really was one of those situations that I felt like there was no good way of handling it.

[kteire]

Glad to hear he was ok about it!!
And I'm also kind of glad to know other people have had the same sort of thing happen, lol. It sucks, but anytime I'd mention it to any of my close friends (who are all single), they'd be like "Stop rubbing it in that you got hit on" Am I supposed to be excited about that?! Haha.

[ClipitsWings]

i can see how that'd be a tough situation, and i think you worked well with getting him out.

:/ couple weeks ago a guy who has a long history of helping me hate myself basically called me ugly and was trying to force me into describing what...parts... look like and to send him pics. it was pretty disgusting.
then my childhood friend got back in touch with me and was doing a "let's catch up" chat. apparently he's since been on heroine and went through 14 gfs in high school who were all still middleschoolers, he currently has a fuckbuddy. I'm straightedge and I have my guy, so i mentioned that, so he decided to bother about how i'm still a virgin, probably a prude, and how he needs to "fix" me. trying to say i should go get high/drunk with him and was heavily implying that we should have sex. which is disgusting considering he was my childhood friend. also told me that it "wouldnt be worth it" for me to wait for my guy :/ it really hurt

[rivi87]

Some guys have no respect If you are in a CDR or and LDR. I have been told more than once that "Oh he's not here, he doesent have to know line. Are you serious??

I had an experience with this myself. I was on a business trip to organize my bns reunion and there was a guy there. he was cool so him and the rest of us went to eat then I came back and had to do hot-tub therapy for my shoulders so I went back in my room changed into my bikini and hit the hot tub. He came out and started making conversation. I really didnt care and thought nothing of it at that point and he asked if I would chill with him at the hotel bar. Thought it was harmless enough. I went and just started saying how lucky my then fiance was and wished things were different..MAJOR red flag. I told Mitch what he said and he was NOT a fan. I am a nice person and this guy seemed troubled so the last night I was there he wanted to talk to me so we did and he told me some heavy stuff and gave me his actual purple heart he earned when he was deployed. I told him I didnt want it..but he basically refused to take no. When I told Mitch he was quite annoyed and said I should stop being nice to him bc he wants something. He begged me to keep talking to him I said goodnight.After I got back every once and awhile he sent me messages talking about how he thinks of me in my bikini and wishes I wasnt engaged. I finally told him to respect my relationship and Mitch, deleted from him and called it a day.

Sorry that was kinda long but it annoys me when someone doesent respect my relationship and thinks I'm going to just do something stupid and jeopardize what we have and I know you all feel the same. Glad he understood and hope you have a great time with him when he comes home

[Vail]

This guy friend of mine is always calling me 'baby' and 'babe' despite the fact he knows I have a boyfriend. He has always liked me and we did go on a date together, like two years ago... He sent me a text the other day telling me he got his license and he wanted to hang out more, I said that would be fine as long as it was cool with my boyfriend. (My BF knows he likes me but he trusts me.) I also told him my BF was staying over for a week and was sitting right next to me... He goes ahead and says we can hang out after he leaves and adds a suggestive winking smilie face.

I pretty much just ignored him and laughed it off.
Just ignore those people, keep reminding them you have a boyfriend and you have no interest in betraying them.