What am I doing?

[hmd2010]

First of all, I am SO glad there is a resource out there like this! So thank you to the creators

Here goes . . I am a female, married with a child. I have an online girlfriend who is over 1500 miles away. My husband is okay with it. She is in an open relationship with her husband as well.

It's really been amazing. We text and IM a lot, and we will be meeting for the first time next month. However, it is very cost prohibitive to do this often. And the big kicker, is, obviously we will never be together one day. She has been dating others inside her marriage for many years, but I'm new to this. Neither of us, obviously, are interested in leaving our husbands for eachother. That's the nature of open relationships..

But what I've been wondering is . . is there any hope for this relationship? I love this girl madly, but after we see each other next month, where does a LDR where you will never be together go? Is there any point in even seeing each other? Are we setting ourselves up for heart ache? Should I be prepared for it all to end after the meeting, when we have nothing to look forward to?

Any advice would be appreciated. I'm so torn . . sometimes I think I should just put an end to it now, before I will be more hurt than I know I eventually will be.

[agentholli]

I am sorry, I don't have any advice for you. LDR's are hard but it seems that your situation might be a little harder. I wish you the best of luck!

[garnet]

I could be wrong, but it sounds more like you are simply in love with two people at the same time, rather than enjoying being in an open marriage. If I were you, with the strong feelings you have, I would probably cancel the meeting. If you're in love, you will get hurt. I've never been in an open relationship, but as I understand it, once your heart is involved, the trouble starts.
This is just my 2 cents though. I wish I could help.

[hmd2010]

Thanks, Garnet. This wasn't how my open marriage was supposed to be, she was never supposed to happen, I guess you could say. She's someone I knew online, and I sought out the help of other girls in open marriages when I was looking to open mine. So somewhere in all of the coaching and the talking, she flew in under my radar. *sigh*

Oh my gosh, the idea of breaking up with her hurts my heart so much.

[Mio]

I don't know much about this type of relationships, but I heard they can be not healthy in al psychological way. It looks like a heart breaking moment, and I hope you can manage it in a good way for you all!

[hmd2010]

I don't think these types of relationships are unhealthy. I can love more than one person. The problem is our distance. If we were living in the same town, we could make it work easily.

[Caitlin2009]

i dont get why you need another person, your already married isnt that enough? I'm sorry i just dont get it....if you love that person your already with why the hell would you have an open relationship unless your prone to cheating already and that makes it easier on you. *shrugs* thats not love in my opinion im sorry but it just isnt

[hmd2010]

I've never cheated on anyone I've been with in my life.

And if you have children, I hope you only have one. How can you love more than one child?? Isn't one enough??

And so you're telling me your definition of love is power and ownership over one other person? Sorry, that's not mine. I can love many people, and I do.

[Caitlin2009]

Thats not the same thing!! Not even close! With your SO your supposed to give them your heart and soul and your supposed to keep it, not share it with anyone!

[hmd2010]

I'm sorry, what evidence are you basing this on? I love my husband, thus, I will not leave him. I love my girlfriend. I love my son. I love atleast one of my two parents. I love my in-laws. I love my siblings. Sorry, no one person gets all of my heart.

[Caitlin2009]

i suppose you also give cheating people a round of applause......sorry i just think it's bullshit but thats my opinion!

[hmd2010]

How am I cheating? My husband is aware of it, and its 100% okay with it. I do not believe in deception.

[Michelle]

Some people have very strong values and beliefs when it comes to how a relationship should be like. And that is 100% okay. But how can one person dictate what every relationship should be like? You can't. You can be true to your own values and beliefs without being judgmental of others.

@Caitlin, you are in a lesbian LDR, which is totally cool and many people here are fine with that. But like polyamory (hmd2010's multiple relationships), your type of relationship is not mainstream. The majority of people don't agree with polyamory or homosexual relationships. But just because you don't agree with something and would not be in that type of relationship yourself, doesn't mean you can judge those people. Just like you wouldn't want people attacking your own relationship for it being a homosexual one. "People who live in glass houses should not throw stones."

@hmd2010, check out https://www.youngmetropoly.com/ The woman who runs that site is married, but also has other relationships that are long distance. She actually links lovingfromadistance.com in her blogroll. It is definitely a helpful site if you are in a polyamorous relationship

[garnet]

I believe this works for more couples than one might think. Personally, it isn't my thing. But if you have the right two people, and seriously, they have to both be of the correct mindset, it can be a happy lifestyle for them. I don't see how it could be called cheating when it is a known open marriage. I've been very surprised to hear a couple married couples I know swing. But they are happy, and it works for them. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes imo.

[Caitlin2009]

bi sexual. and yeah i know that and im not trying to, its just something i dont understand or get, it confuses me! But hey what do i know *shrugs* if your happy with it by all means go for it but, its not something i could do personaly and im cranky at the moment so I apologize for what i said