I'm back

[Sarah M]

So... as some of you may know, I was struggling with my feelings for Matt back in May. I felt like I didn't love him anymore and despite recognising that what we had was amazing, I couldn't do it anymore. The distance didn't help.

Well, it's been three months since I made that decision and in that time I felt more free in a sense, but also more connected to Matt because I had shared how I felt. Honestly and truly. I didn't go out and act like the sterotypical "single person". I made new friends, felt more able to go out and spend time with new people and I even went on a few dates.

Matt and I stayed in contact. We're still very close, if not best, friends.

I miss him. And I was missing him almost instantly. I spent June/July working at the snowfields. When I came back, I missed him so much. I wasn't surprised, though. I feel like that time was what I needed to get space and clear my head. It did just that.

He bought me a Claddagh ring from Ireland because I wanted one and I am still to pay him back (when I visit). I realised how much I still care for him when I automatically put it on right hand ring finger with the heart facing towards me...

I feel closer to Matt than ever and I cannot wait to spend Christmas with him in less than 100 days! I remember this time last year I was counting down the 100 days before he was to come over. Now it's my turn to go there. I don't want to say I love him again. Not just yet. I think I'll save that for my arrival in Heathrow. What do you think? I think somehow it should be organised that Michael Buble's "Everything" plays over the P.A. as I walk through the arrivals gate. It's our song. But, I doubt that will ever happen. I can still daydream.

Anyway, I'm glad to be back on here and hope you are all doing well in your relationships!

Sarah.

[uniquefem]

Sarah...
OMG its a great news then i will give you a quote that i think very fit your situation:

“If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.” Doug Horton

[Miramaid]

So question: what do you think was wrong with you back in May? Why did you feel like you did not love him any more and needed some space? And why do you think getting some space and going on dates helped you realized that you did love your SO and wanted to go back? Also who initiated the "go back" part: you or him? And was it hard to stay in touch with him during all this time?
Sorry i was not following your story but I think even if i was I would still have all there questions

[Zephii]

Missed you! Welcome back

[kteire]

I remember reading your board back in May, I'm really happy for you that things are going so well!!
I'd say if you can wait the 100 days to tell him you love him, it's be lovely to say it in person at the airport

[Sarah M]

@uniquefem: Thank you so much. That quote is beautiful

So question: what do you think was wrong with you back in May? Why did you feel like you did not love him any more and needed some space? And why do you think getting some space and going on dates helped you realized that you did love your SO and wanted to go back? Also who initiated the "go back" part: you or him? And was it hard to stay in touch with him during all this time?
Sorry i was not following your story but I think even if i was I would still have all there questions

@Miramaid: I'm not sure. I wasn't comfortable enough in myself and my feelings to stay in a relationship with Matt. I think I felt even more distanced from him because I wasn't able to share my experiences with him as much as I would have liked to. I am a nursing student and I went on clinical placement in a very rural and remote area of Australia, so it wasn't easy to contact him while on placement and it was difficult to explain to him some of the experiences I was having. I also felt that he didn't care and that I wanted to be "free". I say I felt this, because I know it's not true. He cared. He cares. A lot.
I think that by going on dates, I realised that no one else was making me feel like he did. Not even at the beginning of our relationship when everything was fresh. Take it as you will, but I feel that from the beginning, Matt and I had a connection. We work well together. We've always been honest and we can always have fun. I also feel that I was reassured by the fact that he still believed in us and wasn't necessarily fighting my decision, but guiding and counselling me. That's what I needed. He didn't push. He was just there. He's always been there.
There was no initiation of "going back". When I say "I'm back", I mean I'm back in the right headspace. I wasn't at all confident in myself and my thinking was fuzzy. Now, I feel sure of myself, of what I want, of where I stand with Matt and what he means to me. It wasn't hard to stay in touch. It was nice. We spoke as friends, without any feelings of having to be romantic or lovey-dovey simply because we're in a relationship. I think the time "apart" gave me time to reflect on our relationship, our friendship, our experiences, my feelings, everything... It was great. Reflection is a wonderful tool. Once I realised I missed him, I told him. I missed him even after I ended things, but I miss him now as my best friend and the person I love.
Don't be sorry - I don't expect you to have followed the story! Thank you for asking and being interested... I hope I've answered your questions!

@Zephii: Thank you! It's nice to be back and hear from a friendly ...avatar? :P

@kteire: Thanks very much. I hope so! I can't wait...