The Myth Busters Thread

[pytsip]

So there's a lot of myths out there about LDR's, some of the normal ones and some that maybe you've heard from people that aren't so often heard. I thought that having a thread to debunk some of those myths would be cool. Although this could have gone into the games section, I figured since it's focusing on debunking myths about LDR's that I'd put it here.

Post a myth about LDR's that you've heard, it can be anything, then, debunk a myth that someone else has posted. It doesn't specifically have to be the person who posted before you, and it doesn't specifically have to be one that hasn't been debunked already. If you have a different input on one that has already been "busted" then you can bust it again with your input! Or, if you want to bust the myth that you posted you can do that as well! Have fun with it, and also be helpful in your answer. I hope for this thread to be helpful to people who maybe have questions about LDR's or aren't sure about certain things.


Myth: People in long distance relationships can't possibly love each other as much as people who see their SO on a regular basis.

[Rosser]

I would have to say that the myth you posted is false. I personally feel that due to the fact that we don't get to see our SO constantly, we are able to compensate that missing part of the relationship with feelings that most people won't find attractive (such as voice, texting mannerisms, odd little habits)

Myth: Its impossible to express love in a long distance relationship

[kiara_silver]

I would say false. Because when you talk to someone and open up to them even if its online your letting someone in and develop feelings from them. And words are very expressive. A message of just those 3 words mean so much. A I love you is so meaningful if meant, i don't think that just because its said online or over the phone or in a love letter that it loses its value. So yes i think there are ways to express love in a long distance, from your words, to love letters to staying up hours with a time difference just to talk to them.

Myth: The person can't possibly be who he/she says they are. Its all a lie you have no proof who your talking to unless you meet

[Rosebud]

Myth: People who meet others online only do so because they're too ugly/socially awkward/weird/etc. to find anyone in person and the relationship is thus built around the fear of not wanting to be alone.

[blankita719]

RE: Myth: People who meet others online only do so because they're too ugly/socially awkward/weird/etc. to find anyone in person and the relationship is thus built around the fear of not wanting to be alone.

I did not meet my current SO online, but I did meet the guy I was seeing before him online. Completely untrue. Many people turn to online dating or online communities because they don't have time (or the ability when you're a single parent) in their actual life to go out to bars or clubs or other social activities to meet people. Even though I am shy and don't necessarily feel I am the most attractive person in the world, when I had more time to go out and meet people (before child), I didn't have any issues with meeting people in real life. Turning to meeting people online was my only real option to meet new people at some point. And before my SO and I got together, I was talking to another guy who lived in my same state, but would also have been a LDR because he lived on the opposite end from me.

Myth: People in long distance relationships are more likely to cheat on their SO

[GatoGirl]

RE: People in long distance relationships are more likely to cheat on their SO

Total bunk. I'm doing a dissertation on LDRs and I've read tons of studies on LDRs. The ones that examined cheating in LDRs found that those who cheated in LDRs were those who were cheating before the LDR started, or were contemplating cheating and the LDR made it easier. The majority of findings about infidelity with LDRs shows that there's no more cheating in LDRs than there are in geographically close relationships. One study found less cheating, because who's got time or the money? When you are in an LDR, your extra time is spent working so that you can take those trips to visit each other or because you don't want to go home to that empty apartment, and your money goes to phone bills, internet, and travel costs!

Myth: People in LDRs have them because they can't tolerate being close, and need more 'space' in the relationship, but they don't know how so they have an LDR. (OMG my hair is just about on fire when I type that myth, because it irritates me to no end when I hear that one! I work in the mental health field and the psychobabble around this myth is infuriating to me.)

[Rugger]

Myth: LDRs are just booty-calls because you don't see them that much

[pytsip]

Myth: People in LDRs have them because they can't tolerate being close, and need more 'space' in the relationship, but they don't know how so they have an LDR.

This is completely bogus. People in LDR's want to be close but unfortunately are in love with someone with whom they can't be close with. Obviously, some LDR's are started as close distance and because of circumstances beyond their control have become long distance. The other half of LDR's, the ones that start out long distance, also disprove this theory. Most of the time a goal of a long distance relationship is to close the distance. It's one of the goals that is focused on greatly on this forum and it's also something that almost every couple in a LDR faces. If people were really so afraid of being close to someone and really "wanted their space" then this would not be such a crucial part of every LDR.

Myth: One person in the couple always has to sacrifice more than the other person in long distance relationships.

[Sora1101]

Myth: The person can't possibly be who he/she says they are. Its all a lie you have no proof who your talking to unless you meet

Oh the wonderful invention called webcam, if you can see them while you're talking to them you obviously know they aren't some 60 year old man when they say they're a 15 year old girl :P

[Miramaid]

Re: Myth: People in long distance relationships are more likely to cheat on their SO.
I do not know what I think about this one. People do cheat in CD, but it may be more complicated to do. I do think it is a lot easier in LD but all boils down to what the person's values are.
Re: Myth: One person in the couple always has to sacrifice more than the other person in long distance relationships.
I actually have to disagree that that is a myth. I think it is totally right, but there is nothing wrong with that

Myth: LD do not work. (Though it is HARD we have seen LD couples making it through and having families)

[Minerva]

Myth: LDRs aren't "real" relationships.

[xnavylovex118]

Busting the myth: A real relationship has nothing to do with what happens physically. That would be like saying just because somebody kisses someone or has sex with someone that they are in a relationship, that's not the case. Things like that happen all the time and there aren't any feelings involved. A relationship is based on how you feel towards somebody, and feelings can be developed whether or not you can be with somebody for "real."

Myth: An LDR relationship has more problems than a CDR. (meaning things such as arguments.)

[Piglet-]

Busting the myth: A real relationship has nothing to do with what happens physically. That would be like saying just because somebody kisses someone or has sex with someone that they are in a relationship, that's not the case. Things like that happen all the time and there aren't any feelings involved. A relationship is based on how you feel towards somebody, and feelings can be developed whether or not you can be with somebody for "real."

Myth: An LDR relationship has more problems than a CDR. (meaning things such as arguments.)

Hmm..hard one.
I would say that the amount of problems are relatively similar. You give some, you take some.

Myth: You don't know what you got til it's gone.

[ChristmasFanatic]

Myth: You don't know what you got til it's gone.

Now this is hard. I guess it depends on your situation. To me, its true cuz weve been together(CD) for 7 years. There are times that we took eachother for granted, and now that were apart, we wish we should have treated eachother with much spark as our first few years together.

I cant speak for others though...


MYTH: Communication must be done daily, else you will just be drifting away from eachother...

[Piglet-]

Now this is hard. I guess it depends on your situation. To me, its true cuz weve been together(CD) for 7 years. There are times that we took eachother for granted, and now that were apart, we wish we should have treated eachother with much spark as our first few years together.

I cant speak for others though...


MYTH: Communication must be done daily, else you will just be drifting away from eachother...

7 years is a long time my friend, i congratulate you!

False. Different strokes for different folks.
I would implode if i did not speak to her every 5 minutes, much less day to day.
But i have learned that some people in ldr are accustomed to speaking only every so often.

---------- Post added at 12:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:11 AM ----------

Now this is hard. I guess it depends on your situation. To me, its true cuz weve been together(CD) for 7 years. There are times that we took eachother for granted, and now that were apart, we wish we should have treated eachother with much spark as our first few years together.

I cant speak for others though...


MYTH: Communication must be done daily, else you will just be drifting away from eachother...

7 years is a long time my friend, i congratulate you!

False. Different strokes for different folks.
I would implode if i did not speak to her every 5 minutes, much less day to day.
But i have learned that some people in ldr are accustomed to speaking only every so often.