Charming

[ImInLove]

So ladies, do you like it iif yourSO says charming things to you such as calling you beautiful and other related stuff?
My gf always said to me charming is not good.. (by this i think she means that charming things are things boys say, lieing about the girl being beautiful etc to impress them).. whenever i call her beautiful she said stuff like... "im not". Recently i tried to stop saying 'charming' things because i thought she didnt like it when i said charming things. But since i stopped being charming, she said she start to feel like i not care or miss her sometimes anymore. She never said the reason of this feeling was because i stopped saying charming things, but possibly could it be?
She could also say that she doesnt feel like i miss her or care to her sometimes anymore because, in the past my gf always said like.. "its late there you should sleep now" and i would say "no i will stay up until you fall asleep" and then i keep insisting i will stay up until she falls asleep, but since uni started i have done that (for the last 5 weeks).
OR she could say that she doesnt feel like i miss her much because i not make something for her anymore, (in the past i made some videos and poem/song for her etc)... (but! right now i am making something for her, everyday we are apart i am writing her a letter and when i see her next i will give them all to her, inside eaech letter is a flower i made from paper)... should i tell her about this? or keep surpise till the day we meet again? I want to wait and not tell her.

Any opinions?
Sorry about the length of it, and if any of it is poorly worded.
Thankyou

[Rosebud]

It sounds like you and your girlfriend really need to have a talk and discuss how it is she feels about herself. I know that seems odd but from her not wanting compliments from you it seems she might have some issues and she really needs your attention. I don't mean to sound harsh because in all honesty, I'm the exact same way. I will have times when I tell my boyfriend to stop telling me I'm gorgeous or sexy or whatever because I feel so entirely down on myself that it just makes me feel like he's lying to make me feel better. But then, at the same time, I know I'd be upset if he actually stopped saying such sweet things such as calling me his Princess because I know he says those words out of love for me, and even if I don't believe them I DO believe he says them because he wants me to know he cares. And then there will be days where I outright tell him to call me pretty because even though I don't believe it's nice to know at least one person in the world does. I know it's tricky and I know many people would think such behavior is an unacceptable way to communicate with their partner but often when someone has such a warped perception of themselves it's not so black and white. My advice is to be patient with her and if you don't want to spoil your surprise with the letters why not send her a little something else to show you're thinking of her? Best of luck

[kiara_silver]

I agree with rosebud, because im the same way. I dont believe im very pretty or attractive. And i hate my body.... but he says he loves it and even though i dont believe it about myself i do believe he means it. And though i may say hes silly or say things negitive about his comments i still love hearing them and they make me feel good about myself and feel loved. So im sure if your busy on top of no compliments she may feel neglected. Because with the distance on top of you at school and then u not being "charming" and she doesnt know that your doing that for her and all those tiny changes can make you seem distance if she is used to you being one way then suddenly your acted and being a different way. With a LDR we cant see everything. I know when my SO was busy with college he felt distant because he was busy and then when he did come on he was tired but it felt like he didnt really want to talk, his replys were short and he wasnt as talkative... sorry im ranting, i would just suggest every now and then reasure her. Distance is hard we dont have that luxury of giving them a hug or a loving look or kiss, so we need words.

[ImInLove]

Ahh thankyou ladies so much.! I appreciate your time to reply
all that you have said has helped me, a lot of the things said here are very similar to what is going on in my relationship. i've become calm minded now.. and continue to be myself and say the charming things and other stuff i did before.
Goodluck to both of you with your LDR

[amandamayaaa]

ohh my god, i love when my boyfriend is charming. thats one of the biggest things that attracted me to him was how sweet and considerate he was. he sent me a dozen roses in the mail before we had even met, and the first night we did meet we had this pretty hotel room and he had candles lit and rose petals everywhere when i walked in.

now when i say i love it, first off, i just mean little things, like saying i love you or a sweet gesture more, or opening the door for me. i am not materialistic one bit so i never need/want him to shower me with gifts, just little gestures


and i have also never really had a problem with my appearance. i am in no way conceded or have a big ego, but for me, if a guy tells me i'm beautiful, i believe him. that is, unless it's some creepo that i don't know ha. but anyways, girls do that a lot, they say they aren't this or that, when they should just take what their boyfriend is saying to heart.

i have never felt so beautiful until i met my boyfriend. he always tells me i look so beautiful when i wake up in the morning, hair all messed up, and while i may not think thats true one bit (ha) i still believe him and thats how he feels, so i take the compliment with a smile

like you said just continue to be yourself. you should not have to change for her. she should love you how you are!

[xnavylovex118]

Distance between couples can have a lot to do with how we want to be treated. For some people being charming may make things a lot harder. By having someone who seems so perfect for them be so sweet, while not having the physical contact to back it up. Other times some people need that sweetness in order to get through the day. Of course you definitely shouldn't change who you are, but at the same time may be talk to her about how it makes her feel when you do those things. It seems as if she's having a mix between actually wanting it, but even being afraid to have that. You could try to not lay it on as heavy if you'd rather not have the discussion, but do little things here and there to remind her how important she is to you. Like cute little good morning texts. Or even find a company on the computer that you can send flowers from to her if you'd like. But definitely do not ruin the surprise. Trust me, it's well worth it. My SO did that for me when he was at basic and I can honestly tell you that it meant more than anything to me.

I honestly cannot think of a single day that my SO and I have been together where he hasn't called me beautiful or gorgeous. But, for me, those little things like that are what mean the most to me. I never felt so cared for or wanted, or attractive, until I met him. For over 3 years he has done that every single day. It took awhile for me to adjust to, and at one point I honestly did think he was just saying it. And really that could even be her case. She could just have self esteem issues.

Just don't give up being who you are. There really aren't many guys like that these days. Really try to talk to her about, or make the gestures a little easier for her to cope with until she can adjust.

Good luck with your LDR. :]

[ImInLove]

Thankyou so much! and for all your time to write it all.
I will take your advice.
Thankyou Goodluck for your relationship too.

[Zephii]

I love when my boyfriend is charming too. But, different compliments work for different people. Maybe when you tell her she's beautiful, she can't accept that. So tell her you love her laugh, or she has the best smile, or she has the best sense of humour. Pick something not physical, and work on her confidence?

[lucybelle]

Shooooot... the reason I'm with my boyfriend is he tells me I'm beautiful about 50 times a day!

I'm actually quite bothered with people who either bat down compliments or what I feel "dig" for compliments. They say things like "I'm so fat". Okay... then go on a diet if you feel like you want to change. I'm not going to tell you "no you're not fat, you look great!" if you're digging for a compliment. It would really frustrate me if I was constantly giving compliments and my SO was constantly telling me I'm wrong. It would just make me stop doing it. I think you two need to talk about that.