Paranoid.

[Sixx]

I wanted to tell you all something, to see if anyone's been in the same situation and probably could give me some advice.

My SO sometimes has his paranoid/jealous "moments", of course, as any other normal person, but the other day he went up the walls, and for no reason at all.

That morning I was out with my mom, and my SO started calling me. In that moment I couldn't pick up and just start talking in english in front of her because she'd start asking and blabla, so I stopped his calls, and when he stopped calling I gave him a miss-call so he'd know that I'm okay but I just couldn't talk in that moment. (I usually text, but most of the time I forget to recharge my phone card so I can only miss-call (lame lol), but he KNOWS that)

So when I got back home I went to see if he was online, but he wasn't so I left because I had to keep helping my mom.

After lunch, I went to see if he was online again, he wasn't. BUT once I opened my msn I found a loooong offline message and an email from him, apologizing, telling me how much I mean to him, that he needed me.. basically begging me to not to leave him () He even added a (sad)song to the email. It all completely puzzled me.

I was still shocked about it when he got online, we talked about it and it seemed he just overreacted because the day before that, he felt that I was "distant".

I know he’s had rough past relationships where he got cheated on, and I’m sure he’s worried that it can happen to him again, but I haven’t given him any reason to think/act like this. And I swear, “cheating” is the last thing to cross my mind since I’m really really good with him. I just don’t understand why he gets so paranoid sometimes

Any advice?

[xsomanymilesx]

i've never really been in that position but it sounds like he has some issues from the past and its making him behave this way in your reletionship, try talking it all out with him and keep reassuring him is all i can say.. im sure others have better advice than this and will be more of a help in this thread i hope you're okay xx

[folclor]

oh, I used to do that all the time to my guy. ^^; I'd text and text and get no reply so I'd leave a hundred offline messages, at least one e-mail, etc. I'm pretty sure my reasons are different than his, but all you can really do is reassure him. Talk to him and find out what the issues are and help him work through them. If he's willing to get better things will start getting better. Took me almost a year but I rarely have those freak outs anymore.

[Caitlin2009]

I have those moments with my girl, mainly because she has a bit of a heart problem(its better then it used to be!) and she gets sick easily so i'm always worried about her no matter what, if i know shes sick and she doesnt come online right away i do panic! so i do get paranoid but not about her cheating on me because i know she would never do that, but i do get panicky

[agentholli]

This happens a lot I think to everyone..People who are new in a relationship, or in any relationship in that matter are worried that the other person will leave them. Because of his past experiences, he will be like that until he finds the security in your relationship.
Me and my BF went through patches like that. Especially me. Like if he wouldn't call, I was instantly worried that he no longer liked me. Or if I called and he didn't answer, I instantly went to Oh NO he changed his mind about me. I actually LOVE it when my BF does this. It makes me feel soooo important and loved. I didn't answer one time because I had left my phone at home and I was shopping...I figured he probably hadn't even called...i checked my phone and he had called like 4 times and sent 6 texts...and even though he was scared that I was ignoring him...it was nice to know that I meant that much to him.

I think its a normal reaction. And I say this as to why i think its a normal reaction. When you FINALLY meet someone who is EVERYTHING you ever wanted. And you feel this STRONG chemistry/connection..you DON'T want that to be gone. So when at any moment you start fearing that they have changed their mind, you start freaking out.

Just the other day, I told my BF that it was sooo nice to not be paranoid anymore. Because now I feel 100% secure in my relationship. I now know that even though I haven't heard from him for hours, he still loves me. It is a GREAT feeling to finally get there in a relationship...and your BF will get there too. Just ALWAYS reassure him that things are ok that you still want to be with him...and that will help. Also time will help too.

[kasia516]

if he has had issues in the past, then i understand why he would be a bit paranoid (not that you'll cheat, but that hes a bit scared of that happening again). You dont seem to annoyed at him contacting you so much, which is good. the best advice i can give is to stick thru it right now, and that over time he'll be much better about it. he just has to get to the point where he realizes youre in a serious relationship with him and you only want him.
we didnt really have any paranoid feelings at first, but i was a bit worried he would meet another girl (which my friends told me would happen) and that he would start liking her. that never happened and we're in a really really perfect relationship now. just give it some time and reassure him when he needs it.

[Sixx]

I do reassure him whenever I feel him a bit hesitating, and we've talked about it before and he always says he trusts me, but then comes up with a scene like that..

I hope time helps. Thank you very muchhhhh everyone!!

[folclor]

Well, it's not always about trust. ^^; Alex and I have trusted each other since before we were together, we told each other nearly everything when we had barely just met because we had a feeling we could trust each other. Still, even with the trust I went into panic attacks and freaked out and texted and offline messaged and e-mailed an insane amount. It's not about the trust. There's probably an underlying issue that either y'all have talked about but he hasn't completely reckoned with or he hasn't talked to you about because he's afraid of your reaction or lack thereof. Since you trust each other he's likely told you almost everything if not everything. Think about any issues (other than just cheating as that will pass in time as you don't cheat on him) like abandonment or self esteem, things that would make him freak out. You really need to sit down and have a chat and see what's up and how you can fix it. Maybe reiterate that you can't always answer your phone but when you have the possibility to shoot him something to let him know you're okay you will. But, whatever's wrong, just make sure he deals with it now so it doesn't escalate.

Best of luck

[Mio]

We all do it, some days we are just too down or something. I hope you can keep working it out!

[Sixx]

Thank you!!!

Marian you're right about that, it's not always trust.. I realized something about this reading your reply, thanks!

[NerdyH]

I know exactly how it is, my boyfriend can be very paranoid and jealous over the smallest of things. He's has a messy past with girlfriends as well. I won't be able to give you any advice on how to fix it, as I'm trying to fix this situation with my guy as well, but if you want to talk to someone in a similar situation, send me a message and I'm all ears!

Good luck with this!

[So_Far_Away]

Right now, my guy is on a week long sport competition which means we havent spoken since sunday morning. I know that one of the girls he's with (incidently also the only other person our age as the others are all in 40s) likes him and doesn't have any real issue with the fact that he's taken. He's told me that if he wasn't with me he would ask her out.. I trust him. I don't trust her. I'm very paranoid. I won't let on to him, because we have had trust issues in the past. But as someone has said, it isn't always about trust. I trust him to be around other random girls, but this one I know. I don't trust her at all

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I think he just got worried when you didn't answer. Sort of freaked out, he just thought the most. Not that it was about not trusting you, just kind of paniced. I'd be sure to explain it and reassure him again. The distance isn't easy for them either.....we have to remember that. I think I forget sometimes because I tell him it's just harder for me right now and he never really says anything. Hope it works out! *hugs*

[hmd2010]

I think we all do things like that at some point or another in our lives. I've never done that particularly -- In fact, I do the opposite. When I'm feeling insecure, I become distant, rather than clingy. I'm always pre-empting a broken heart . . any sign of anything that troubles me, and I push away, even though most of the time its all in my head. Just be patient with your SO and know he just loves you and doesn't want to lose you.

[Sixx]

NerdyH, thank you, and same for you, if you ever need to talk I'm here

So_Far_Away, I'm sure it's not a really pleasant situation to be in, but just trust him, blindly trust him.. if you love each other everything will be fine. *hugs*

Thank you everyone for all your replies!!