How do I keep me and my family happy?

[sarinalilac]

My SO and I have been on and off for going on three years. We both turn eighteen in the next few months ish and we intend to meet then. He only lives about a half hour away but it may as well be the other side of the world since we are both forbidden to speak to each other "technically" my dad is pretty much okay with us and my SO is just not allowed to have any gf ( so he doesn't knock someone up like what happened to his aunt) I cry through nights thinking my parents will disown me I've considered pretending he's someone else but our story is so magical it seems I'd be defacing our relationship. Has anyone dealt with such strong opposition and gotten through it? Does anyone have any advice on making them see that my LDR is the real deal not just a fantasy?
Any help would be greatly appreciated<3

[xnavylovex118]

A lot of people, especially family, really don't understand how an LDR can actually work. Truthfully, some people just don't believe in them. And it seems as if you're in that type of situation.
I can understand that you want to make your family happy, and to be happy at the same time, but you really only have two ways to go about this. You can either tell your family once you're ready and try to explain to them how you feel, or you can go on the road of keeping it from them and telling them your SO is just a good friend.
In all honesty, I believe you're happiness is really what matters the most. You can't please everyone, and sometimes you just have to go with what feels right to you. If your relationship with your SO is what you really want then that's what I would advise you to do.
One of the easiest ways to try and ease it on to your family would may be have your SO visit you once he turns 18, and introduce him to your family simply as his name. Then may be after a few hours, over dinner or some sort, you can explain to your family that this is your SO and how long you have been together and happy you are with him. Sometimes all it can take is them seeing you happy to understand how important making the long distance work with you two. There's no guarantee in how they will take it, but really it's important that you try.

My SO and I recently got married, and with our relationship being military oriented it requires long distance. His family was the exact opposite of supportive, and went as far as to say that we would never make it. And my SO disowned his parents for it... It's a little extreme, but that was his decision because he didn't want to deal with people putting down our lifestyle. But that was how we got through our situation. I'm in no way promoting measure that drastic, simply just sharing what happened with us.

I really hope everything works out for you. And I wish you nothing but the best with your LDR.

[Zephii]

You haven't given any reason why your family would disown you, but I think you're likely just over-reacting. Either way, half an hour is practically nothing, because you can do that on public transport, spend a day together and be back for dinner with no one any the wiser.
I'm sure there is a bigger reason that you're forbidden to talk to him - why have you been off and on? Is it possible your parents don't like who he is as a person (from the impression you've given them) rather than having something against LDR?

Eventually if you persit with the relationship they will see that it's real. This could take years. But really, it's none of their business and in a couple months you're an adult.

[bluishskin]

Either way, half an hour is practically nothing, because you can do that on public transport, spend a day together and be back for dinner with no one any the wiser. I'm sure there is a bigger reason that you're forbidden to talk to him - why have you been off and on? Is it possible your parents don't like who he is as a person (from the impression you've given them) rather than having something against LDR?
Eventually if you persit with the relationship they will see that it's real. This could take years.

Good point. I agree with this.
I just want to add that it takes time and an effort so that your family will see that your LDR is for real. I agree with xnavylovex118. Start introducing him to your parents, involve him in your conversations and invite him to your house to see them. It's not just your parents who need to know who he is, he also has to start to get to know your parents. It's part of courtsey.
I also believe from my point of view that parents know a lot better than us and often they see things that we don't. That happened to me when I was dating my ex. My late father didn't like him for some reason and he would rather see me dating someone a lot better than him in many aspects. It took me 4 years to realise that what my father had said was true. Part of it was my fault as well: that I hardly communicated about my ex and I only invited him to my house to meet my father once.
On the other hand, no you can't make everyone happy in your life. It often takes courage and big sacrifices to make things happen. Life is about making a choice. So perhaps at the end, who will you choose? Your family or your SO? Whatever your decision, make sure you think about everything carefully.

[lucybelle]

As much as I want you two to be happy, when you're living with your parents, in their house, it's their rules. That's plain and simple. If you can move out, get a job, and support yourself you should be able to see him whenever you want. Until then, just try to make them see you're serious about the relationship. If they can't see it, you just have to wait until you have your own place with your own rules. Good luck.

[sarinalilac]

You all make very good points, and the reason my mom doesn't like him is the distance thing it's not very far and he hasn't come to see me she says he isn't serious enough. I've alwayshad faith in him and known that "someday" would come. The transportation is an issue because though were close there is no system connecting our towns and my parents are very protective. I know sometimes it looks bad when "kids" are in LDRs but I'm being careful and he's my bestfriends friend. As to my family disowning me I mean it in that there is a history in my ancestry of one daughter being rejected from the family because of decisions of love/marriage. This has happened in every generation of my moms side since anyone can remember. She's always given me the "you deserve better" thing with every bf but she literally screamed at me and told me she didn't trust me anymore when we last talked about all because she found an email saying "send me a copy" from him. It was about a poem I wrote, she thought I was sending pics to him.

[uniquefem]

I am sorry if i sound bitter or bad...

But, i can not understand how there is no transport but you had internet?? i live in literally jungle in Sumatra Island Indonesia in South East Asia. Outside my working fence is jungle, no black roads, you still could see free monkeys and snakes or bears. But i will say there is road and we use all boat, and 4wd trucks to go every where. I hardly believe there is no transport in any part of the world even only with a donkey and took a week to go down from a mountain, there should be a way to connect from a region to another. Especially...errhhh you had internet?? would be weird when you say "no transportation system" LoL you made me sound like living in a metropolitan city here...

From your english i believe you're not from any 3rd world country where you could possibly stranded in a thick rain Forrest where it took over 2hrs bumpy sliding off road kind of driving to get groceries. Sorry if its a wrong guessing tho.

If there is a will there will be a way. Even if he had to canoeing from his house to you, your mom had a point. He doesn't made the effort to see you. Its just less than 1 and half hour..geez.. some of us took over 18 hours flights to see each other and the flights not cheap!

Even if you both just a teen... when you had a faith to someone else you had to do what you have to. I just think that he just not in to you as much as you think he is.

I remember back then to walk to my grandmother house, with no money and it was 5 kilometers, and i was not even 10. My mom was very busy and i want to go there, so i walk by my self!! i've made it, see my grandmother in a day until my parent pick me up (even my mom very upset because i did this). Thing i want to say is... even a 10 years old want to walk 5 kms they could do it, because they want it!! (well.. not suppose to).

Maybe your parents being protective because you does sound a bit naive. Its easy to be old, but its hard to act like you are your age. You could lying down in bed and turn out 18 just like that, thats how easy it is, but you got to show you are mature and know what responsibility is. Responsibility to your self, your school and your family. Maybe if you able to show this they will believe in you and see you as an adult instead an underage kids who always need protection.

Anyway... you can't make everyone happy thats another thing. There will be some people who not happy with every decision you made (just like what i did). Good luck tho!

[sarinalilac]

I am very sorry if I offended anyone I realize I must seem pathetic.. I suffer from anxiety attacks so I have not been able to get my licesne and when my parents freak out at me I feel literally immobilized, so running away even for a few hours would send me into a panic. I try to be strong when my SO is involved but that part of me is very physical and I cannot control the atracks. There is no bus system that connects our towns and there is no one I can ask to help me. I guess I shouldn't have said anything I really am sorry if I upset anyone. I just hoped maybe someone had experienced something like this. I may not be that far from him but when both of our parents are against us ever being with each other.. I think I am pretty stranded. I am virtually my parents property, until December I guess I'm just pathetic and hopeless.
Thank you for everyone who gave me advice. Please forgive me for causing any insult.

[sarinalilac]

Sorry I meant to mention that we are also both being realistic since neither of us has enough money to lead a healthy life together I need my parents approval and support to get a degree in HR so that I can go into the working world and he is doing the same. He has been learning tech support skills from his fathers business and will be looking for a college soon too. We realize that if we want to be together we have to be sure we can support ourselves before we take too many risks.

[LeilaniJoi]

It does sound like you are both terribly young. I actually understand the internet but no public transportation thing, as I grew up in an area like that and in fact, live in one now. Unless you have a car you are stranded 30 miles from the nearest town.

In any case, this is going to sound very cliche but if it is meant to be then a few months won't make much difference. I know it sounds like a long long time to wait, but it passes quicker than you think. Just 8 months ago I was getting to know my SO and falling in love and now we live together and have a committed life together. In fact, he just called me about trading my old OLD laptop for a Playstation game O.o What would have seemed an impossibility less than a year ago is very much reality now.

Take your time, you are both young. Love is a wonderful thing and I don't discount it for a moment even with young love. Take the time to get your adult life in order and on your own feet... maybe plan for the same college? Take it day by day, know it's there and take comfort in that but try not to stress about it. It is important right now to keep your parents happy but once you are on your own, your happiness and his will be all that matters. Your parents sound very protective and that's understandable but if it's meant to be then nothing will keep you apart from one another. Take heart and strength in that. <hugs>

[sarinalilac]

LeilaniJoi that made my heart burst, you are very kind thank you so much for telling me your story and for understanding <3 We've been discussing going to the same school, the only problem the one we want to go to together my parents tell me is beneath me but I'm applying anyway so that is definitely something we want to try <3 you dont know how much that helped, just to know that this was possible. Thank you times a million!

[uniquefem]

I am very sorry if I offended anyone I realize I must seem pathetic.. I suffer from anxiety attacks so I have not been able to get my licesne and when my parents freak out at me I feel literally immobilized, so running away even for a few hours would send me into a panic. I try to be strong when my SO is involved but that part of me is very physical and I cannot control the atracks. There is no bus system that connects our towns and there is no one I can ask to help me. I guess I shouldn't have said anything I really am sorry if I upset anyone. I just hoped maybe someone had experienced something like this. I may not be that far from him but when both of our parents are against us ever being with each other.. I think I am pretty stranded. I am virtually my parents property, until December I guess I'm just pathetic and hopeless.
Thank you for everyone who gave me advice. Please forgive me for causing any insult.

hahah noo.. you didnt offend me here i am just sayin! You just too young maybe to know what to do!

I am asian girl, our culture just like that--parents very strict to the girls... that we had to reports everything. In my family that rule apply until we got married! its like we will be our family responsibility until they hand it over on our wedding day to a guy--which is our husband and then haha we should "report" to our husband.

I got to prove my self so many times that they could trust me, and even let me backpacking my self--at age 24!! LoL

Its just.. even though your parents very strict, you should prove that he is worth the "rebellion". If he can not show any effort, then i think your parents wont change their minds at least let him try to see you... let him do the effort! and you, you should introduce him to the parents even when you're 18 and legal to do what ever you want. Just show them you still their beloved daughter and wont do anything stupid

Good luck!