Decisions.. (What would you do?)

[Anabela]

Time for my first topic, I guess..

I met my boyfriend 18 months ago and we've pretty much been together ever since. We were living and working together outside our respective countries (seasonal kinda job, we did it twice) and in July this year decided we should go home and save as much as we can so we can start our life together in the future. The only promise we made each other was that I was going to visit him for Christmas.

Within weeks of returning home he landed a job that is right up his alley and I'm really happy for him. He's very optimistic and can't stop talking about me visiting "soon". My situation's a little different as far as job is concerned. I do have some savings, but I've pretty much been struggling getting freelance work cause economy's pretty bad here in Europe, and I just can't find a position that would allow me to save even if I lived with my parents.

I could go back to doing that seasonal thing, even though we both decided that we're done with it. We were working as tour guides in pretty remote places so one of the main concerns is that we won't be able to communicate as much as now.

I was offered a contract for this well known operator. It would extend over holidays, so I would not be able to travel and see my bf. If I go and resign before holidays it would look very unprofessional and I would not be able to use it as a reference. It's not like it pays incredibly well, but it's better than I have now. I'm so torn if I should just wait until the holidays and manage with infrequent freelance work and wait until January to maybe start applying for this kind of work.
I really want to see my bf, it will have been half a year by then.

If I do take the job, we won't see each other until April. There is absolutely no way he can come and visit me, because of the nature of the job and the expenses involved since the place I would be is even further than my country (which is far enough). I'm frustrated because it's like I have to put my job on halt until holidays. On the other hand, I'd really love to see him around that time.

I really don't know what to do

[xnavylovex118]

I would honestly talk to your SO about the situation, if you two are both really wanting to start on your future it seems as if the job route may be the only way to go, even if it does mean extending the time you'll be apart. And in a way, I think he should have a chance to voice his opinion on the situation since there is no way he'd be able to come see you instead. With you both working towards a future together it seems as if the job may be the right choice for you both since it would put you one step closer to closing the distance. But I really think you should see what your SO has to say about it all. Let him know how torn you are, and may be his insight will help you figure out which option is right for you and for your relationship.

My situation is a lot different because my relationship is military oriented, so any time I can get with my SO is the only time I'll ever be able to have. For me, I wouldn't be taking the job, and I'd be going to see him. But, that's under completely different circumstances.

I really hope things work out and that you can come to a decision that makes you happy. I wish you nothing but the best in your LDR.

[Anabela]

Thank you so much for your thoughts!

Of course, if it was a military job I wouldn't take the job, but those circumstances are very different. I admire you and all other people in military relationships for your courage. My dad was in the army and I remember how it was being without him for long periods of time. Can only image how my mother felt. You all are my heroes.

The only reason why I'd go to see him is that it's Christmas after all and it's the only time of the year he'll get to be not working for 10 days or so. I told him I don't mind coming to see him in April, even if I don't see him half a day while he's at work, but I know it's not the same. His family is supposed to come from all over the States and he wanted to introduce me to them (I already know the parents, though).

He told me it's all up to me, but I know he'll be disappointed if we postpone this meeting. It will have been almost a year in April since we were last together. If it was a really good job that would allow me to save a lot I wouldn't think for a second. But it's not that well paid. It's just the possible future reference on my resume that would look really good there (not that it's not worth anything).

I guess I'll just have to weigh in everything. I really value other LDR people's opinion.

[xnavylovex118]

I first off have to say, thank you for everything you said in the very first paragraph. It's always something that's nice to hear, especially when there's so many people who would rather cut down that lifestyle. I really appreciate those words.

He seems really supportive of the entire situation, but even if you decide on the job instead, you'll feel just as disappointed as he is. No doubt. But, you can always try and see if may be there are other jobs that you can try for before jumping the gun and taking the one you'v been offered. You know in your heart what's best for you, if taking the job doesn't feel right then that's what I would honestly lead toward.

Maybe this can help:

When my husband enlisted, it was right when I was graduating high school. I had a full ride to college, and even scholarships on the side. I was completely and financially set. So, when it came to his training we both decided together I was going to stay home and go to school for the year before we decide what step we want to take next. But, when it came time for him to leave I really began to think about what I could actually be giving up and the concept of losing the time I was going to have with him, literally made me feel sick. So, I told him that whether or not he was okay with it that I'm giving up my ride and when we can, I'm going to come and live with him. The idea just didn't sit right with me, something in me just said I was making the wrong choice the first time around. And even though I'm going to be stuck with a lot of money to probably pay off in the future, I'm happy with my choice.

I hope that helps may be with some insight for you. :]

[Zephii]

I would personally take the job and then if I couldn't get time off, I'd quit and take the Christmas visit. This way you're not just sitting around waiting til Christmas, but you still get to see him. You can possibly even still use it as a reference, if you are ok with bending the truth a little.