To fall out of love

[Pisces]

I posted a thread roughly a week ago saying that my SO and I split up. We're still close friends, but our closeness makes it hard to not think of him in a romantic way. My question to you all is, how would I go about falling out of love with my ex? Everywhere I have looked online has said to completely erase him from my life, but he's my good friend, and would not be able to do that. Besides... the time we spend together helps keep my mind off the way things could have been (as ironic as that sounds). Even one of my closest friends said that I should just stop talking to him. I tried asking another two of my friends who know pretty much the whole story, from beginning to end, but they just didn't get it. They don't understand that, while I am still in love with my ex, I won't be able to think of another relationship. I won't be able to truly stop thinking about what our lives could have been like. If he were to get involved in another relationship while I am still in love with him, I would completely fall apart. All of this I know, as that's how it has been from the beginning, even before we were really serious.

If you've read all of this thus far, do not even bother suggesting that I take some time away from him, or take a break from him, because it would not work as well as everyone else I know seems to believe. He keeps my mind occupied from things that I should not be thinking about. He says I'm just avoiding the problem, but the problem is that I still love him - which I'm trying to fix and just don't know how.

[Rugger]

The only thing that can make you fall out of love is time unfortunately ( and doing the things you said not to say). I would say spend less time talking to him and more time with other people, but don't cut him off completely. Just don't make him the center of your life, because he's not anymore. Keep busy doing things that do not involve him in anyway. Cut down the time you talk to him to every other day, and then once a week. He should be like every other friend you have, your life doesn't revolve around them, it shouldn't revolve around him.

[pytsip]

I'm not going to suggest anything, what I am going to say is that despite this being about a guy and trying to quit being in love with him, I feel like if you replaced any pronoun referring to him with any illicit drug and it would sound exactly like someone off the show Intervention. Please just try to do that, and then ask yourself again why you can't quit loving him.

[snow_girl]

Unfortunately if you aren't willing to take a break from speaking with him it is not going to be easy for you to rid and romantic feelings. There is no switch inside you can just flip off from bf/gf to friends just like that. It takes time and if you aren't going to distance yourself from him its only going to be hard on you.

[kteire]

There is no surefire way to fall out of love with someone, except patience and time. And space.
Honestly, I was going to suggest that you take some time away, even after reading your whole post. It won't necessarily be a quick fix, but if you're in constant contact with him and you can't stop thinking about the future you'd planned, you won't move on. I know that's not what you want to hear, but people have a point when they say that.
But yeah, I don't know if you'll take that advice, but just bear in mind that you don't have to cut him out completely, but you need your own space and recovery time. You really do need to give it a try at least, it's the only way I've ever gotten over anyone before.

[Micah]

I'd say keep yourself busy and surround yourself with people that make you happy. Perhaps you could find a new hobby or rediscover an old one that you may have neglected due to your relationship. Time does heal all wounds.

[Zephii]

Some famous guy said "Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship never" and I think that pretty much sums it up.

I too have tried to fall out of love with someone, and well, now I'm marrying him, so you can see how well that worked. I know I read your post on why you broke up, but I can't seem to recall the details... If you love him so much and you're still best friends it really seems dumb that you're not together honestly. I know, that was the opposite of helpful, let me try again...
I don't always think taking a break works. Because then you think of that person and sometimes you begin to think they are even better than they actually are. But taking more time for yourself, and spending time with your other friends who you may have neglected by being in a relationship, would be good steps.

I don't think there's much anyone can offer you, I'm sorry

[Piglet-]

Is he still in love with you?

[Pisces]

@ Rugger - were I to talk to him every other day, or down to once a week, he would definitely notice something is wrong. Besides, I usually talk to all of my friends at least once a day (we're all on skype, as all of my closest friends friends have moved away).

@ pytsip - I don't get it >.>

@ Zephii - We agreed that neither of us were really ready/prepared for a relationship like ours. We were loosing our friendship because of problems in our homes, and the stress of barely being able to help ourselves (let alone each other) was ruining not only our relationship, but out friendship. https://members.lovingfromadistance....ent-We-re-over

@ Piglet - He was on the day we broke up, anyway. We both made it clear that day that we still loved each other. As far as I can tell, he still is.

[Rugger]

If you keep shooting us down, what do you expect us to do? There is no magic fix for getting over someone, honey. Why don't you talk to him about it? Ask him what you two should do together because he probably wants to fall out of love with you as well. Agree on times to talk and times not to talk so one of you won't feel slighted. You'll know it's coming. Working on getting over each other on a United front?

[kteire]

@ Rugger - were I to talk to him every other day, or down to once a week, he would definitely notice something is wrong. Besides, I usually talk to all of my friends at least once a day (we're all on skype, as all of my closest friends friends have moved away).

Something is wrong though. The two of you have broken up, and you need time to recover from that. It doesn't matter if he thinks something is wrong, because I'm sure he knows you're still in love with him after such a short time. If you do want to get over him, you can't have the same amount of contact as when you were dating. If you don't want to cut him out entirely, just decrease how much you talk to him. Contact is not essential post-breakup unless you two want to get back together.

[lucybelle]

After my first heartbreak it took me almost 1.5 years to get over him.

I agree with what everyone else is writing. The only thing that's going to let you move on is time and separation. Stop talking to him. Give yourself time.

[Zephii]

Oh ok! I remember. Thanks for the link.

Listen. He loves you. You love him. Neither of you are ready for a relationship. You're best friends. But most importantly - HE still loves you.

To me, there's no problem here. Maybe I enjoy the delicate torture of this kind of relationship and there's something terribly wrong with me. But seeming it's a mutual agreement and it's not likely he's going to run off with another lady and you'll lose your chance, who cares? Just spend heaps of time with him, have fun together, have those feelings for him - there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't let too many of them ooze out of their bottle all over him. This is the shit romance novels are made out of. Maybe, instand of trying to fall out of love, just work on your acceptance of the situation. "What is, is what must be." Time will pass and fix all your problems. In the meantime, eat chocolate, watch the notebook and enjoy your unique friendship. Seriously.

[pytsip]

@ Rugger - were I to talk to him every other day, or down to once a week, he would definitely notice something is wrong. Besides, I usually talk to all of my friends at least once a day (we're all on skype, as all of my closest friends friends have moved away).

@ pytsip - I don't get it >.>

I mean to say that the only way for you to get over it, is to stop doing it. It's always hard to fall out of love with someone because the love is an addiction. When you have it, you want to keep it, and you want to continue to feel that way, but if you break up with that person it's a push a pull. You don't want to let go of that feeling that it gives you, so you chase it (like a drug) and what I mean by chasing it is you continue to talk to the person that you loved, you try to be friends with them, you try to do anything you can to be with them because they're the thing that made you feel comfortable before, they were your drug. But you're going to keep feeling crappy and you're going to keep asking why you can't stop loving the person until you're willing to stop going back. Unfortunately, just like a drug, the crappy feeling is going to get worse before it gets better, but once you get over that hump, for drugs it's the withdrawal, for love, well I guess it's also the withdrawal, but anyway, once you get over that hump, I promise you will feel better, but you have to want to do it, and apparently, you're not ready for that yet, but that is the only answer to your question.

[Riyko]

My answer(s) will be harsh.

You want to get over him, you need to cut contact with him, there are no if's and's or but's about it, it needs to happen because the longer you talk to him every day the longer and harder it will be to get over him. It doesn't matter if he knows there is something wrong you need to tell him look we broke up being mutual or not we need to spend time apart and not talk for a few weeks to give both of us a chance to get over this relationship and if we want to try talking at x day of x month lets both get on skype and talk.

The other thing is your break up was mutual because you can't handle being in a relationship together due to stresses to be completely honest i think that is a bunch of bull if you love each other no matter what is going on you'd stay together despite all of that stuff, it doesn't matter if you can't meet often or what ever if you love someone you should be with them.

Like i said i know my answer(s) are harsh, but you have to understand i've been in the same exact situation as you, when i was with my ex for the longest time his dad didn't like me and he wouldn't let his dad stop him from being with me because he loved me and even to this day he still does (i won't get into our break up), you know what he's my best friend and you know something else it's harder than hell to get over him. I see my ex every single day and on the weekends i sleep at his apartment, is it hard to get over him you bet your ass it is, would i want someone else to go through this no, which is why my first answer is a bit harsh.