Girlfriend wants me to act stronger and grow up

[fatal1ty]

Hello everyone,
ive been in a ldr for 4 good months. recently we have been in a lil bit of hard time because she had some drunken accident accident, and because she probably got regretful about this, she offered me to break up claimin she cant be a good girlfriend. i ofcourse refused, told her its not something unfixable. but our speech the next day was rather dramatic, well i was dramatic, got emotional about her doin such a thing and got myself crying, while she was rather stronger to handle the situation. and after that, she got the idea of me not being able to handle stuff like a real man. i do know that i need to be more manly, decisive and strong, but it was just a mistake move on my side. now i really want to assure her about my strength, but its quiet hard to prove it on long distance. therefore id like to hear some recommendations from u people about how i can actually improve myself in that way and make her sure about it. i really do love her and would fix any flaw i have for her, so plz tell me, what shud i do or tell?

thx so much

[WakeUpSusie]

I'm really sorry, but that was really difficult to read and understand. Maybe you could rewrite that so it would be easier to understand what's going on so we can offer advice?

[NonyaB]

What did she do when she was drunk?

I think her pretty much telling you that you aren't man enough was quiet mean, she did something bad/wrong (that's what I get from what you've written) and you got upset, that is quiet understandable.

[xnavylovex118]

Personally, I don't understand why you should have to change to make her happy. Especially when she was the one that made the mistake. Obviously if she's offering to end the relationship it must have been severe, but she has no right to tell you to fix yourself when she has flaws of her own to work on. It takes a lot of guts for a guy to actually cry in front of, to, or over his SO. I don't know many that would. If anything, that should show her that you are strong enough to actually bare your heart to her. I know that when my SO actually does that, as rare as it is, it shows me how much he cares for me, and that he trusts me enough to be that open with me. I think if anything you need to make her realize that. You did nothing wrong becoming emotional.

[Zephii]

Men cry. Men get upset. Men are human and deserve to be able to act it, just like women. If she can't accept it, maybe she's right and you can do better. True love accepts you as you are, it doesn't try to change you, because you're already perfect.
Peace and Carrots xx

[GatoGirl]

It takes a lot of strength to hang in there for an LDR. If you weren't 'strong' you would have waffled out of the relationship before it started.

[Piglet-]

That was hard to understand but it seems as if she is making you the bad guy here.
She cheated on you and is calling you weak because you are crying? That is absurd and moronic.
No offense, but she sounds like an insensitive bitch...
I may have just read that wrong, but if i read it correctly i stand by my statements.

p.s.
Crying isn't feminine, it's human.
Personally, my SO enjoys when i cry (in a way lol) because it lets her know that i am vulnerable and care deeply about her.

[bluishskin]

It's definitely okay for men to cry, as long as they're not being too emotional as if they were having a fit or something. I disagree if she thinks you should be more manly just because you cry, that's just plain nonsense. To be in LDR for four months takes up strength already, a lot of people can't make it that long. My question is: what about her? Is she strong enough?
A little correction on your post: quite hard, not quiet hard.

[lucybelle]

She's quite nestled into her gender roles hasn't she? You shouldn't apologize for showing emotion. You shouldn't apologize at all. SHE'S the one who messed up, and it hurt you. Not having any reaction at all would be something to worry about.

[Morin]

you did nothing wrong by crying. people often forget that men are human as well. there is this image of man portrayed that men are supposed to be strong at all times, well, in reality it doesn't work that way. You can cry just like she can cry and anyone else can cry. It sounds like you had a reason to cry... I'm sorry that whatever happened to you happened to you. for now, I would just work on fixing whatever it was that happened between you two. From your post you want to, you said it's not unfixable. it's important to handle an issue like this head on, otherwise it could end up being a resentment issue with trust later on. trust me, I've been there and done that. You're not less of a man for crying at all, that was uncalled for on her part. The important thing to do in a relationship is to communicate and you did that. now you two need to fix. If you're hell bent on being more "manly" you could tell her how you felt about her questioning your masculinity and how uncalled for it was. We're all human, it's okay to break every once in a while. <3
hope this helped!

[snow_girl]

If men weren't supposed to cry, they wouldn't have tear ducts.

[Tanja]

When you love someone you don't ask them to change themselves to please your ideals more. SHE is the one who clearly did something wrong so it should be HER who does the apologizing and making up. And she needs to make sure she'll never ever hurt you like this again.

If you still want to stay in a LDR with her after being hurt, if you still wanna fix your problems and make it work... Man, you're stronger than many of us here! Don't change that for anyone.

[XxMeg589xX]

Personally, I don't understand why you should have to change to make her happy. Especially when she was the one that made the mistake. Obviously if she's offering to end the relationship it must have been severe, but she has no right to tell you to fix yourself when she has flaws of her own to work on. It takes a lot of guts for a guy to actually cry in front of, to, or over his SO. I don't know many that would. If anything, that should show her that you are strong enough to actually bare your heart to her. I know that when my SO actually does that, as rare as it is, it shows me how much he cares for me, and that he trusts me enough to be that open with me. I think if anything you need to make her realize that. You did nothing wrong becoming emotional.

I totally agree, You shouldnt have to change at all just to save your relationship. It seems like she may be the one with the problem. Everything will work out though & if she cant take you for who you are - then it just wasn't meant to be.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Men are equally human as women and we all need to cry a little bit sometimes, no matter who we are! We all only have a certain amount of strength before things get unbearable and we need to shed a few tears. Heck, if we didn't cry sometimes, we wouldn't be human If she can't accept this, then she is in the wrong. She needs to understand that there's only so much everyone including you can take before you have to have a little cry to yourself. It doesn't make you weak in the slighest. After all, we're only human, and you shouldn't be ashamed of that fact.

[LeilaniJoi]

I remember logging into Skype one night with my SO refusing to come on the cam. He had been having an argument with his ex and was noticeably upset, but I did not expect to see tears when I finally did get him to log in. She knew which buttons to push to bring all of his insecurities out and yes, my big bad biker with the tatoos and piercings was crying on cam. All I could do was cry with him but by not juding him, it brought us closer than ever before.

There is nothing at all wrong with a man crying. It just shows you are human and have feelings and sensitivities just like anyone else. I'd warrant a good many men cry but don't want to admit it but it is oh so wrong for a woman to diss a man for that or say he needs to be stronger. Opening up about your feelings, your insecurities and your desires takes a VERY strong man. I honestly think you need to find someone that appreciates you for who you are, not someone that tries to change something so precious in someone. She appears to be very silly, very self centered and very selfish. You can do so much better.