Taking a break? >.<

[Silencedsongs]

Gaaah.

We've been drifting apart. Not in the sense that we don't love each other, but compared with his very different schedule and mine - distance has been building between us. We can't seem to agree on things, and it's as if neither of us will back down. It's as if any topics either of us brings up, the other one is bored by it or shows no interest. When I'm chatty, he's not. When he's chatty, I'm not. We're just so out of sync, and it's been slowly creeping up and bothering me more and more.

I suggested taking a break, because I didn't want to always feel like there was an obligation to make the conversation flow - which it's not lasted more than 5 minutes the past few weeks. He was snarky and sarcastic, saying how can you take a break with someone who's not even around? -.-

I think that was just ... the language barrier aspects of his not understanding that term in a relationship at least for american standards...

Even now, the conversation is continuing, and it feels more and more like it's leading to a break-up. I'm wondering if a break would be helpful at all, at least I thought it would be. Just time away to not have to feel obligated or a sense of duty to keep conversation flowing that's not flowing at all. >.<

[Miramaid]

The idea of breaks was and still kind of is very foreign to me. I am not an American. IF you say it in different words he may take it better. For example tell him that you want to not talk or communicate in any way for,say, 3 days and give each other chance to miss each other. Plus you may have more things to talk about. Or a week long break. Do not do it longer tho coz it really is a long distance already and he is right in terms of you guys being ALREADY apart and only talking on a phone or whatever. Do not abuse the break

[Mara]

I don't think a lot of people are huge fans of breaks in a relationship especially if it's a bit of a foreign concept to them. I would try saying that you need space for a few days and explain your reasoning why and what you would hope for the two of you to get out of it.

Personally, in your situation, I'm not sure if a break would be helpful or not. It sounds like the two of you need more communication not less, but maybe some time not talking would give the two of you a better prospective of things.

[Silencedsongs]

I even rationalized with myself over the 'is less communication really going to be helpful?'.. The thing that's personally eating away at me, is the attempt to get a conversation going, and it just stops dead in the water. I'll switch a topic, and still it stops dead in the water. It's the attempts and the feeling that I HAVE to get a conversation flowing with him that's nagging at me. If we don't have communication, we don't have much of a relationship.

I just spoke to him and just further explained, I personally need a few days of space.

I admit, part of the lack of communication is my fault as I was distant or rather cranky over the summer. My uncle died, my friend's mom died, and I had a severe eye infection that left me under house arrest for more than a month and close to losing my eyesight. But when I try now, it's kind of a ... I'm just a little too late, when he was trying over the summer - he doesn't quite want to try to push a conversation now. Push. We have to FORCE a conversation. Should it be forced? =/

[Mara]

I think you've just had a rough time over the summer and now it's hard to really get back into the swing of things. I'm sure the two of you communicated just fine before so what's the problem now? I think that's what you need to find and solve. Maybe it would even help being open about the communication issues and trying to understand from his standpoint what he feels is going wrong. It almost sounds like you are wavering though on whether you want to be with him or not and if you are, that's something you have to decide and go from there.

[xnavylovex118]

A conversation really shouldn't have to be forced, but at the same time communication is really important to any relationship, CD or LD. It seems as if you both have reached the point where it's not that you don't want to talk, more so neither of you don't know what to say to one another. Mara is right when she says that you both need to figure out where the barrier has come up between you both. Definitely confront the concept that your communication is completely strangled. Forcing a conversation only leads to arguments, and that's not something you want to add in on top of the communication problems. Do not doubt your relationship just because you guys are having issues talking. Long distance, talking is one of the only things you have with your SO. You don't have the opportunity to be able to speak with your body like CD. After a while it is possible to feel if you have run out of things to say.

If you decide on a break to gives you guys time to miss each other make sure you write down or remember things to tell him. Talk about what type of days either of you have been having; what you did, who you saw, even if it seems silly to mention something do it anyways. Talk about how you've been feeling throughout the days, and of course your SO as well. Things like that really help get the conversation going. It's always how my SO and I start our conversations and throughout each thing we manage to pick out at least 6 or 7 things to talk about before we find even more. Even if it's just random bits, it really keeps our lines open. There is always something to say, whether or not you take a break, you can fix this type of situation.

Best of luck.

[Silencedsongs]

Well, we ended up taking a small break for about 5 days. It was actually nice, because I got the chance to miss him without harping over 'Why aren't we able to talk?!'. Unfortunately though, we're still in limbo. I've been busy with school, and he's been busy with school as well - adding onto the fact we're 6 hours apart. Our communication really has not changed, nor have we had the opportunity to sit and discuss for more than 5 minutes what our last conversation was truly about and figure out why we have such a wall between us right now. I'll be the first to admit I'm part of the reason that wall is up through my actions over the summer, but I don't feel I can take the full blame for it. Someone previously said it looked as if I was looking for an out in the relationship, and my first instinct was to immediately deny such a notion. Then, the more I think on it, the more I wonder if it's true. It's almost as if I've become more nit-picky over everything. Things that did not bother me before, are now bothersome.

It's agitating to me that he (in my POV) doesn't seem able to bow down and acknowledge he might not always be right. A silly example is when we were discussing Trueblood and the wolves used in the series being real wolves. He did not believe they were, and said they were as real of wolves as he's a fish. So, I lessened the 'wolf' aspect to at least hybrids, and accompanied a link detailing they were 'wolves'. He never responded, and only responded when I changed the subject. It's not the first time he's done this, in our relationship - when I will acknowledge I've been wrong or acted foolishly.

I don't want to let this relationship become about my nitpicking everything, but at the same time - we've got to figure out what's going on and why we can't talk. I wanted to talk with him last night, but he opted for cleaning instead. I know he's working a lot recently, and his job/schooling is particularly stressful as it's dealing with psychoanalysis for criminals... It drains him mentally, which also adds into the distance we've been feeling - he becomes distant and closes himself off.

[TheBadRomancer]

UGH this sounds like the situation I'm in.
I'd be too afraid to take a break because I don't want to lose her.