friend is destroying himself in his LDR

[Morin]

so I'm living with my friend and we're both in LDRs, which is kind of nice we can talk about it with each other and stuff.
anyways, we're house hopping and occasionally staying with his dads gf until he makes enough money to get us to CA to meet his girlfriend.
while a problem, it's doable, the issue begins here...

My friend is dating this girl long distance and he's been working his ass off to move to where she lives. He's made enough money for both our plane tickets and is working for a little money so we can survive until we find jobs. The problem is, he is very sick with bronchitis and pneumonia, and his desire to prove to his girlfriend that he cares about her is clouding his judgement and he's putting a terrible strain on his body. He's been neglecting sleeping, taking his medicine on time, eating, resting. All he does is work (he's a freelance artist) and throw up and drink water. I would almost be a little more comfortable with this if his girlfriend even appreciated what he was doing for her. She says him doing all of that isn't showing her that he wants to be with her and cares about her... how many people do you know would push themselves like he is to be with a girl, especially one he's never met? He will mention resting to her and she'll have a fit and be like "do you even care about me?"
his desire to prove himself to his girlfriend and prove to her that he loves her is destroying him...
he sleepwalks when he is really stressed out and has been doing that lately, I sleep next to him to and have to wake up to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid... any advice on sleepwalking? I'm afraid to wake him up because I heard it can kill them?
what should I do to help him?

I've sat him down and I have had many talks with him and I can see that it's getting through to him, we talk and he cries a little and I make him a smoothie and we have understanding for a moment. Then his girlfriend will contact him complaining that she needs him to care about her and it's like everything I said to him disappears and he's back in work mode. He understands that it's not healthy and that she doesn't care about how sick he is or appreciate what he's doing, but that seems to just fuel him more. Like, he "NEEDS her to see that she is wrong"... he's 19 years old and she's 22, first love and all of that. It's crazy and I'm worried for him. If he could afford it, I'd send him to the hospital but he can barely afford plane tickets and to buy food.

I talk about this with my SO and she can't believe how she is treating him.
It's like... anything he does is never enough for her and he's so determined to prove to her that he cares about her that he's not being rational and instead of being like "it's okay.. you need to rest" she's like "you don't care about me. all of my friends say you don't care about me. if you really loved me you would be here" that last one made my blood boil

I need advice on what I can do to help him before he ends up hurt.

[Rosebud]

Just a real quick question-why is he buying your plane ticket for you? I imagine that's pricey and going off that it makes me assume he's paying for your bills/food as well? Even if he's not the plane ticket still makes me wonder and I would think if he didn't have to foot the bill for two people it would take off a lot of stress for him in having to pay for so much.

[Tabitha]

I agree with Rosebud. Why is he paying for you? He probably wouldn't have to stress out as much and work as hard if he wasn't footing the bill for you as well.

[Laura_N]

I think all you can do in that point is to listen to him when it's getting too tough on him and talk with your friend. I know this may sound harsh, but it's his own business: When it's a matter of health it should always come first, but if he's not too interested in it there's unfortunately no way to force him. He should at least see a doctor, though, because what you described can get dangerous over time if he keeps going like that!

And dear, waking up someone who sleepwalks isn't going to kill them... You can gently try to guide him back to bed, sleepwalkers usually take commands quite well. You should let him sleep, but if you really have to (he's doing something hamrful and won't listen to you), then I think it would be best to try to wake him up. Is he aware that he is sleepwalking? If not, you should tell him. I haven't heard of many sleepwalkers doing anything dangerous to themselves, so if there really isn't a risk of that, then I think you should get your own sleep.

[Zephii]

There's not much you can do except be there for him to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart. Sometimes people have to learn their own lessons. In the very least though you need to get him onto a decent multi-vitamin (centrum is really good) and maybe some sustagen or other drinkable think that's high in nutrients. They do cost money, but they seriously help if you're pushing yourself for something.
Also pnumonia is serious shit. That can kill you. Fuck the money, get the bloke to the doctor.

I know you're unemployed and stuff but there is plenty you can do to pull in some bucks. Go mow a few lawns for old people, wash some cars, babysit, walk people's dogs for them, clean people's houses and do their gardening. There's plenty you can do to help out. (I'm sure you're already helping and not just sitting on your bum, I'm just throwing some ideas down.)

Carrots xx

[lucybelle]

Yeah I'm not really understanding why he's paying for both of you to fly over plus money to live on for a bit.

But anyways, all you can do is continue to support him. Tell him how you really feel, that you think she's bad for his health, etc. It might not make it through to him, but you can try. Pneumonia is serious and he should see a doctor for that. Seriously, one of the teachers I worked with died in a matter of 2 weeks because he kept working even though he should have went to the doctor.

As for sleep walking-- my SO does that and it freaks me out. You can't hurt them by waking them up. I always just grab him and say his name. He usually wakes up.

[Morin]

I probably should of added in more detail ^.^ I have contributed with tickets and getting food and helping to find a place to stay when we head over there. I'm not sitting on my bum at all haha, I'm terribly active in the mission!
I just wish he could be a little more rational... his health should come first, always, and she shouldn't beg him to pick her over his health and then get upset when he asks to rest and tell her friends that he doesn't care about her.
I've been feeding him vitamins and I make him take ten minutes out of his day to drink a smoothie. I'm constantly warning him about the possible danger he could be in if he keeps pushing and it hits him... but not the way it should. :/

[pytsip]

Well, to me it sounds like everyone in this story is being a little selfish except for him. If you're concerned with his health and you think that he shouldn't be doing all of this work to pay for part of your plane ticket and his and for money for the both of you to survive until you get jobs out there, why don't you pick up the slack for your end (I know you said you have contributed but he's still paying for part). Feeding him vitamins and making him smoothies are one thing, but it seems to me that you could be doing more yet you aren't. You are blaming his girlfriend but yet you're part of the problem also. I don't mean to be harsh, but that's how I see it.

[Morin]

@pytsip- you are absolutely correct, I could do more to help him.

[Frankenbat]

I think you should do more for your friend. Make him rest, offer to help him with his work, run errands, there are free health clinics I believe, take him there... let him know that you care and show him that you are worried by helping him out. Sit him down and have talks, keep doing it. It sounds like he needs a lot of support and it sounds like you may not agree with his decisions, but regardless be supportive. You can tell him all you want that you think he's making a bad decision but when he gets up in the mornings to start doing what he does, support him. Try to knock some sense into him, health does come first.
I agree with pytips, you all seem a little selfish with the exception of him... but that's fixable. start now, show him. His health is more important than anything.
and to his girlfriend, she could be a little more understanding of his situation and appreciative of what he is doing to be with her. I suggest you talk to her, if you haven't already, and tell her money does not grow on trees and he's doing the best that he can with what he has.
right now, I think your friend needs to take a break from working and work on fixing himself.

[XxMeg589xX]

It sounds like hes very determined to get to her and it doesn't seem like there is anything you can do to change his mind. You simply cant make anyone do something they do not want to do. & I also agree with everyone else, it seems like while you are trying to help with everything ( & im sure hes very appreciative that he has you to come to and that you care for his well being) but maybe you could give a little more and take some of the stress off of him by helping more with your part? I dont really seeing things change until he gets to her - Love will make you do crazy things! Just be there to support him

[HollzHeartsChris]

Your friend seems to me to be absolutely committed to seeing his girlfriend! Whilst I admire his strength and determination, nothing in my opinion should come before wellbeing and health because it's so important and yet so easy to forget about. Your friend really needs to get a doctor to check out the pneumonia, he needs that to be treated asap. The bronchitis is another problem that's complicating things but with plenty of rest and making sure he isn't running around so much that will go away within a few weeks, with the added help of tablets I would have thought. I had it once, and it took me around six weeks to get over it, and whilst it isn't nice, he should be fine.
All you can really do is support him as much as possible. You should try and share the load of what he does, help out more, that would really make a difference and I'm sure he'd appreciate it