Horrible roommate? help please!

[eanne138]

My boyfriend and I just started our LDR. We go to two different colleges. We've been dating for four years so we obviously don't think the distance is going to be a problem, but I am having a horrible time with his roommate.

Obviously when we both moved in we needed to let our roommates know that we have been intimate. Mine was fine and understanding, but Greg's roommate is just a jerk. I met the guy once over video chat once and starting talking about it and his agreements with greg about us having the room to ourselves and to make matters worse he started doing pelvic thrusts in the background. This was the first time I met the guy and he was an absolute jerk. He made me feel like a sex object. Considering Greg and I were intimate for the first time this may, he is completely off base. Today I blew up. I was finally getting to video chat with Greg when his roommate made one of his comments I yelled at him and hung up.

I obviously want to visit greg because any time I get with him is great, but I don't want to be around someone who is going to make me feel horrible about myself every time I'm there. What can I do or what would be the best thing for Greg to say to him? Its hard for him because he has to live with this guy for a year and doesn't want to rub him the wrong way. Thank you for any help!

[Dziubka]

I think you might be judging a bit too fast here.

It's perfectly normal for a guy (especially if he's in his first year of college) to much jokes like that. I'm sure he didn't try to be mean and it's just his kind of humour. There's no reason to be upset about it. If anything the guy's just jealous that your boyfriend is getting some and he isn't. Plus yeah, being told first thing after you get to know your new roommate, that you're going to be banned from the room if his girlfriend comes visiting, wouldn't exactly make me very happy either.

I don't even know why you had to tell your roommates. I mean (to me anyway) it's sort of obvious that I'd go to the library to work or meet some friends if I shared a room with someone and they had their SO over. Intimate or not, they might want to spend some time on their own anyway.

PS: A horrible roommate is different from that. I've had my fair share of roommates and there were some outright horrible ones among them. Making stupid sex jokes, definitely doesn't make a horrible roommate.

[WakeUpSusie]

^ I agree with all this. If one of the first things my roommate told me was that I would need to leave when their SO was visiting so that they could be intimate, I would be a little put off too. Yeah I don't know, I definitely think it's a little strange that you guys felt the need to specifically bring up the fact that you have sex and then outright discuss the rules and regulations you wanted for when you were together. I mean, your roommates are adults too, they have enough common sense to know to give you guys private time.

Welcome to college. Give it a few weeks and things that seem uncomfortable now won't be so weird.

[kat4301]

Yeah kinda sounds like he might be jealous of what you guys have. If he knows you have already been together for four years he might be feeling like time is catching up on him, but who knows. When college hits a lot of people begin to think "Now is the time to find my forever partner" (some don't though and we all know people like that). Anyways, I spent probably two of my four undergrad years with terrible roomates so I treated myself to my own apartment in grad. school and those bad roomates will make you appreciate things you would have never thought about. Roomates are a pain but luckily only temporary.

[lucybelle]

The roommate is an 18 year old boy. What do you expect? If he bothers you that much, then just get a hotel room for the night. I'm not really sure why you had to tell them you were going to have sex. I mean just ask the roommate to "give you some space" for the night.

[Zephii]

If you're going to tell people that you're in a sexual relationship you kinda have to man-up to the jibes that come with it. It just happens. Just think up some snappy come backs and let it go. Getting upset wont help anyone.

Next time he does it (if you're there in person) say "Exactly! That's what we're going to do. So here's $20, go out and get yourself a pizza"

I think once you've had a bit more sexual experience you'll realise that it's not as serious as you're thinking it is now. It's hilarious and messy and gross. Who wouldn't want to make fun of sex? And everyone does it. Seriously. So while it is private in the way you don't want people watching, and people don't want to know all the ins and outs you's made, it's not so private that a little humour should be taboo.

Joke back! If he hacks on you for having sex, hack on him for masturbating in the shower (I bet he does) or something.

Good luck!

[eanne138]

Thanks....I guess I was over reacting. It was just really frustrating that Greg's roommate was always bringing it up....not us. And the first time I met him it was the only thing he wanted to talk about. I guess he'll just have to grow up and if not I just need to learn to ignore it. Thanks!