Starting to lose faith...

[jiynx]

I'm starting to get really lonely and starting to lose hope about this whole LDR thing.

We've had three visits so far, and they happen about every 3 months. Well, it's getting around that time again and there isn't a visit in site. We're both too broke to afford a trip to either of our towns. I'm ready for a change. He's trying to get a trade job up here... but it's seeming to take a lot longer than anticipated. I'm not sure it'll happen for a while.

I'm so scared that he's going to realize that he's lonely too and give up on us.

I know he loves me, and he's the greatest thing that has happened to me... but people can only stand the distance for so long, right?

I was just looking for some inspiration and some nice words to get me out of this funk.

[Silly Boots]

Inspiration is a funny thing, because each one of us here has had the same inspiration at the beginning of our relationships. We all convince ourselves that the distance is irrelevant; we can beat it. If we weren't sure of this at one time, then all of this never would have happened. So, often times when people feel their hope slip, it's a good idea to look back on the way you once felt, and why. Read your old blog posts, and pay attention to everything you wrote. You wrote them for a reason, and that reason is because you love your boyfriend. What has changed since you wrote that? Other than the passage of time, it appears that nothing has. I hold the hopelessly romantic view that if two people really do love each other enough, they can wait for as long as it takes. Right now you need to ask yourself if you really do love him the way you once thought you did. Once you realize the answer, then that will be your inspiration, whether you decide that he is worth it or not. Either way, I wish you luck and truly hope that he can find a job near you soon.

[Zephii]

I've never really understood people thinking about breaking up over the distance. To me, that's completely absurd. Like, why would you do that? Some people are like "LDR is too painful, I'm too lonely". Being single doesn't make you less lonely. Breaking up doesn't make it easier because you can't magically stop loving the person you're giving up. Sure, you could date other people, but if you thought you'd be as happy with someone else, you wouldn't put yourself through this.
We do LDRs because there is no other option. You do it, until it's done and the distance closes.
You can't give up unless your heart already has.
That's just how it is.

Acceptance goes a long way.

Don't give up. There are lots of good reasons not to give up! For one, three months isn't that long. Six months even isn't that long. Maybe not even a year is too long! I remember my supervisor at work once told me about what it was like for her to migrate to Canada to be with her SO 15 years ago. The loved each other, and they married in her home country, then he came back to Canada and they waited two long years for her visa to be processed and accepted. Two years! - Not just away from a boyfriend, but away from a husband. I can only imagine how they must have felt.

Why else shouldn't you give up? Because tough times don't last, but tough people do! And because everything really does turn out ok in the end. It does, it's almost inevitable if you think about it.

I bet even from far away he can put a smile on your face, fill you with love and turn your whole day around. And you probably do that for him too, without even realising.

The moral of this ramble is that you can do this! Now, go do something sweet for him, to remind you both why this is worth it (because it so is!)
Carrots xx

[Sora1101]

Not to sound horribly mean or anything but waiting 3 months or even 5 months isn't that long of a wait. You are in your LDR for a reason giving up now would just be stupid. You would have wasted all those days of waiting and flushed them down the drain, and for what? To be single and still lonely only this time with no one to console you except maybe some friends, and to lose the one you know somewhere down inside of you is the one you truly want to be with.

It's like flipping a coin the second it's in the air you automatically know which one you're hoping for it to land on, you know you want to be with your SO and once you break up with him you're gonna wanna turn right around and kick yourself in the butt.

[pytsip]

Usually when I start to feel like something it too difficult to handle, it always helps to think about the fact that there is always someone out there who has it worse, and they have found a way around it. Even in day to day things that aren't even related to LDR stress, I had a belief that I liked to call WWMJD? (What Would Michael Jackson Do?) Because to me, he had a rough life, and although it's questionable as to whether that is what killed him, the truth of the matter was, he put up with it for a long time. I know that's kind of weird, and it doesn't seem like it would relate to this post, but bear with me for a minute.

See, through out my experience being long distance, I would start to lose faith in the idea that I could do it. But I would come to this forum, and even if I didn't have anything to say, or even if I had something to say but didn't want to say it, I would see other people who had gone 12 months, 2 years, 17 years being long distance, and they made it work. People who had gone years with only seeing each other through skype, and my whole "WWMJD" theory played a huge part in me getting through this. Because I realized that it wasn't impossible, that other people had gone through it, some with worse situations than mine, and if they were able to continue their relationship, why couldn't I?

I agree that it's difficult, my last week being in China I found out that my SO was probably going to stay for another year, that would be an entire year without seeing him because god knows that I couldn't afford another plane ticket to China for a while and he wasn't making enough to be able to fly home either. When I found that out, I seriously thought that it was going to be nearly impossible to get through another year, and as I was on the verge of telling him that, I remembered this forum, and I remembered that there are people who have it worse, and who am I to be like "my situation is so bad, I can't possibly handle it," when there are people who have it much much worse.

Also, even though it may seem like you will wait forever to see him again, you can never accurately predict the future. In my case, the 95% chance that my SO was going to stay for another year, ended up being the 5% chance that he would come home. I'm not saying that this is what is going to happen for you, but why give up when you're not entirely sure what is going to happen. Maybe in a month you'll get a raise at work, or maybe he will get a raise. Anything can happen.

I also agree with Zephii, that at least now you have someone, you may be lonely, but you'll be more lonely if you're single.

[Mara]

I remember the first time that we had to go longer than usual for a visit and didn't know when we'd see each other. It's an awful, awful feeling. It's one thing to see each other every so many months, but then it's another when you are used to seeing a person every so often and then just not being able to and not knowing when you are going to be able to see them.

Just hold on to hope, hold on to all the happy memories the two of you have together, and all the things you share. It's not like you'll never see him again. I know it seems terribly awful now, but it won't be like this forever.

Why don't you try doing something nice for him to distract yourself or doing something the two of you don't usually do together to cheer each other up?

It's the little things I find that help the most. Stay strong we are all here for you.