Afraid of falling for someone else

[Phimini]

Monday I started the new fall semester at my university and I've gotten extremely worried now that I'm back and around people again and socializing, that someone new is going to catch my attention. This really scares me because I really love my boyfriend and I don't want someone else... that, and I did see someone that really turned my head. The big issue is that he's in my class, so I'll see him twice a week every week for 15 weeks. And I'll likely end up working group projects with him at some point because this class requires a lot of group projects.

When I initially saw him in class, I thought he was pretty easy on the eyes, but didn't really think beyond that. After all, I don't really feel there's nothing wrong with just acknowledging that someone is good looking, even if you have an SO. Our first day we had to stand up and tell a little about ourselves and when he went up and talked about himself I realized, wow, we have a lot in common. That's when my brain went "WHOA, THIS GUY HAS DATE-ABILITY".

This scares me so badly because I don't want him... I want my boyfriend. I'm trying really hard to not blow this out of proportion and make a bigger deal of it than I have to, but I'm worried. I'll be going to that class again in about an hour and a half and I'm worried I'll have the same reaction when that's exactly what I DON'T want. And there's no real way I can avoid him if I do have that reaction again, short of changing classes which would make things extremely complicated for me; I'd probably have to reschedule a number of my classes.

I don't know anything about him besides the few things he talked about Monday, so that initial reaction might not come back, but at this particular moment I'm trying to stay calm before class starts...

Can anyone offer me some advice? Has anyone dealt with this before?

[lucybelle]

Man I have little crushes all over the place. I don't think that's a bad thing. What I have with my SO is special and I would never ruin it. But there's plenty of guys hanging around that I think "hmm... if I weren't taken..." Just as long as you don't act on it! Crush away

[Rugger]

Try not to see him outside of class. It's okay to have little crushes as long as you don't act on them. Try to not work in a group with him if you can. Try and keep busy

[hxcbreakdance]

It's okay to think someone is cute but I would try to avoid him whenever possible. Also, don't act on any feelings you have for him and if you ever start to think about him in a dating kind of way just start thinking about your SO. Eventually I think those feelings will go away.

[heartbelongstoasailor]

yeah i would definitely stay away from him...... my boyfriend is 754 miles away and its because he is in the navy and i cant imagine thinking of any man the way i think of him.... yes i find other men attractive but never in a i want to date him kind of way.... if you are around this other cute guy and something comes from it then it just wasnt meant to be, be strong though girl because sometimes the best things in life are easy and dont just go to this other guy because hes convenient and here......

[Bobbiejeanne]

I wouldn't say I'm in the same situation as you exactly but I'm in college as well, and that fear does hit me once and a while.

What helps me is communication with your boyfriend (via text, bbm, a phone call, whatever!)
and if that's not possible, whenever you see this guy, think of how much better your boyfriend is over this guy... I can imagine if you're anything like me at all, one thought about your boyfriend and there is no way another boy can come into mind after that...

[Tanja]

Little crushes on good looking and nice people are perfectly normal! I have them occasionally but it doesn't mean I'm going to just throw away my relationship and run off with someone I've known for a day. Nothing wrong with acknowledging the fact that someone is hot. World is filled with hot people, you see them everyday.

Just think of him as a good looking guy who most likely already has a girlfiend. Seriously, if you find yourself daydreaming about this guy for hours THEN I would re-schedule my classes and just avoid him. As long as you don't let yourself get carried away you have nothing to worry about. If, on the other hand, you feel so attracted to this guy that you can't stop thinking about him maybe your relationship with your SO isn't strong enough to last through University with all the temptations around you?

[Sora1101]

My advice is to go ahead and talk to the guy, be friends, but only in class. I wouldn't hang out with him outside of class. This way you get to know him better, from my experience with crushes sure you like the way they look, you think you have a lot in common with him but once you try to stop seeing or talking to him it will only be fuel to the fire, everyone gets curious when you know it's something you can't have and that can lead to bad things. So like I said be friends with him or at least chit chat with him so you can set your mind at ease, once you get to know him better you'll realize there is a reason why you want to be with your SO and not this guy. Although keep it in class, once things progress to outside of class activities you might start getting romantic feelings rather than friendly feelings.

[WakeUpSusie]

It's pretty normal to have small crushes outside your relationship... you're not dead, after all! Everyone gets them, and if someone tell you something like "ZOMG I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO ANY OTHER MEN BESIDES MY SO HE IS THE ONLY PERSON I NOTICE EVERRR", they are probably lying. What is not normal or ok however, is to act in any way on this attraction. Even flirting without any intentions is iffy... it could lead to something that would be considered cheating. I would just be friendly with this person, but be careful about your actions and don't let your mind wander. If the temptation is too strong, you have two choices:

A. Completely distance yourself from the crush so the temptation isn't there anymore
B. Break up with your boyfriend to pursue your new interest

Neither choice is wrong provided that you handle it maturely, sensitively, and responsibly. Good luck!

[HollzHeartsChris]

Everyone is bound to have a crush on someone at some point or other. It's completely normal to experience this feeling. Just make sure that you avoid too much outside contact with him, have him as a class friend, but make sure it doesn't go too far whilst you're dedicated to your SO It's just the easiest way to avoid complicated and sticky situations.

[Dziubka]

Man I have little crushes all over the place. I don't think that's a bad thing. What I have with my SO is special and I would never ruin it. But there's plenty of guys hanging around that I think "hmm... if I weren't taken..." Just as long as you don't act on it! Crush away

This.

I for one don't believe in "The One". There's hundreds of guys out there, that I could be happy with. I just happened to meet my boyfriend and committed to him, before I met them.
Sometimes I meet a guy and I realize that if I weren't already in a relationship, I'd probably try to get a date with him. It's perfectly normal. Just because I'm in a relationship doesn't mean I'm blind. But I've decided I want to be with my boyfriend and I'll stick with that.

[milaya]

This.

I for one don't believe in "The One". There's hundreds of guys out there, that I could be happy with. I just happened to meet my boyfriend and committed to him, before I met them.
Sometimes I meet a guy and I realize that if I weren't already in a relationship, I'd probably try to get a date with him. It's perfectly normal. Just because I'm in a relationship doesn't mean I'm blind. But I've decided I want to be with my boyfriend and I'll stick with that.

Same here.
I don't have a big believe concerning my SO being the one... just think we both were at the right place and the right time.

That aside, I'm very open when it comes to crushes and sometimes I even like to tease my SO about it. I though rarely meet guys in my everyday life I find attractive since my mind seem to have a malfunction and only seem to notice Asian guys and not a whole lot of those around my area. My SO seemed to be pleased about that fact, until we both discovered the thing called "exchange students" at my university. So yeah, I'm actually around Japanese guys my age A LOT, and this year there was a really handsome one among them and I talked a lot with him.
But, because I do feel secure in my relationship I never had the fear that the "wow he's hot" feelings would turn into something more.

[Kerry]

having a little crush on this guy is normal. you do have to be careful that you don't put yourself in a situation where you could make a big mistake and ruin your current relationship. my advice to you is to keep your interactions with this guy to school only. if you have to spend any time outside of class with him be sure it's in a group. if he asks you out for coffee/lunch/etc. don't go. I think if you just keep this kind of relationship with him you won't be tempted.

[ashleecarol]

I went through this about 2 years ago. This is my story (and it is a little long).

I was in my university choir and really fit in well with all the other people (I'm a naturally social person). There was this guy who was very easy on the eyes and sank into my favorite description of "tall, dark, and handsome" (similar to my SO). He was all about romance and how he feels men have lost their romantic touch that they had "back in the day". In terms of romantic gestures, he was old-fashion and that is very appealing. My SO and I at the time had come to lose our spark, but we still loved each other dearly. This guy in class soon became a friend of mine, but over time I became worried that our friendship was becoming something deeper than it was suppose to. He was very aware that I was taken though. We saw each other every MWF for almost 2 hours for choir and then practice rehearsal/concerts on weekends. He was very similar to my SO, I mean, he was even a mechanical engineer major (like my SO)!! The big difference was my friend saw life through rose-tinted glasses. My SO is not that way, however, loving.
One day, my choir had rehearsal at our football stadium and my friend walked up with a bouquet of roses. I asked him who they were for, assuming he had found a crush in choir. He immediately took my hand and placed the roses into them. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Our friendship had done EXACTLY what I wanted to avoid; become something more. I couldn't bring myself to decline the flowers, I would have felt awful. Either way, I felt awful because all I could think about was my SO. I did tell him that he was to remember that I was taken. He only smiled and nodded.
A week later, my friend claimed our professor wanted to meet with a few of us in the choir room for a few minutes. I followed and when I walked into the empty room, he immediately sat down at the grand piano and became playing sweet melody, singing about a special girl. The entire time I debated whether to dash or stay put. I remained frozen in shock until he finished, only to tell me exactly what a feared; he had written the song just for me. I immediately started crying when he said this and went home for the day. I was so confused and conflicted. I knew my relationship had hit a slump, but was my new friend really who I wanted to be with? Was it worth letting go of a (at the time) 6 year relationship?
I literally went underground for a week from both my SO and my friend. I was even able to get out of choir for a week so I would have no chance of bumping into my friend. I had to figure things out for myself without anyone trying to sway my decision. But, in the end, I knew how deeply and truly I loved my SO and how much he loved me. He may not be the most romantic guy, but he has been with me through some of the hardest times of my life and never abandoned me. Nothing could replace his true love and care, not even Casanova, who tried to sweep me off my feet. There were no feet to be swept, I had already been taken away by my knight in shining armor. Risking to lose the love of my life for a game of puppy love wasn't worth it to me.

My friend and I don't talk very much anymore. Once I spoke with him about my decision, everything dwindled away slowly but surely over the year between us. I still remain happily in love with my SO and we are coming onto 8 years this year.

So, that is my story that started out like yours and went into something more. It almost ruined my relationship. Take the time to really analyze yourself and the situation. Ask yourself truly, "is it worth it?" Good luck.

[beckychan]

But, in the end, I knew how deeply and truly I loved my SO and how much he loved me. He may not be the most romantic guy, but he has been with me through some of the hardest times of my life and never abandoned me.

I agree with this! And what everyone else has said.

I have the same exact fear you do. It's pretty easy to be attracted to a stranger. But the truth is, my SO and I have been through so much together. When I close my eyes at night I feel so comforted by the fact that even if there isn't that warm fuzzy feeling anymore, he's still going to be there for me in the morning, and the day after that and every day from then on.