Taking me for granted? I think so...

[sagittariusgirl89]

Ok, so my boyfriend is going to a wedding Saturday night, and normally we talk for an hour every night before bed, but he made it clear that we wont be talking that long on Saturday night, which is fine by me.

He said we can talk for 10 minutes on Saturday night, but if Im going to stay up till 1am for a 10 minute convo..thats not gonna make me happy, especially since he is gonna be out all day and night drinking. So I asked him if we can talk for 20 minutes and he yelled at me calling me selfish and spoiled.

First off, if I was selfish I wouldnt be in a LDR, and I wouldnt stay up some nights to talk to him.

I told him one day he will miss me asking him to talk to him at night...

[Rach321]

I'm not sure if this one example is enough to say he's taking you for granted, but if he acts like this a lot, he could be. Perhaps he's taking his frustration about the distance and the time it takes out on you? It can be a lot to ask to talk for an hour a night every night. If he is frustrated, this was not an appopriate way for him to bring it up. He shouldn't shout at you or call you names. Hope you can both talk about it reasonably to sort out what's really going on.

[sagittariusgirl89]

Turned out that he lied to me, he wasnt going to bed like he told me, he is going to continue things till 3 or 4, thats why he only wanted to talk for 10 mints

[Bluestars]

I agree that he shouldn't yell at you about something like this. But sometimes things will prevent you from being to talk for an hour every night. If he is going to a wedding, then yes, he will be busy. Personally, I know what you mean about wanting to talk twenty minutes instead of ten, but in this situation your boyfriend will probably just be very busy. If you really do not want to wait up that long to talk for ten minutes, then maybe you should just go to bed early.

I usually make myself stay up late waiting for a phone call, but it is frustrating when my SO will only want to talk for around two minutes when I could have already gone to sleep O_o. I usually end up happier if I just go to sleep if I know he is put with friends because if not I will get mad on the phone later.

You know about this in advanced, so maybe you could plan something fun for yourself at the same time?

[lunamea]

OMG, that reminds me so much of the kind of fights I have a lot with my husband lately! So, I agree what's been said about if this kind of thing happens frequently, you're definitely right in feeling taken for granted. It's good if you know things like these in advance and can plan accordingly. I agree with Bluestars that in cases like these, it may be better not to talk at all... at least, I frequently wish I hadn't insisted on talking and hadn't called at all. What happens with my husband in situations like these is that he won't really be into the conversation anyway and I will get paranoid when I hear women in the background or if he seems drunk and we'll just end up fighting.

What happened to me today was pretty similar, actually. I called my husband in the early evening and he said he had a friend coming over, but he'll be available for talking again after that friend leaves (he told me 10 p.m., since his friend only got there at 8 p.m.) So, I wait and wait and wait. I finally call at 11:15 p.m. and he tells me his friend is still over but he said he'd go soon. I'm like, "wait a second, you have to get up at 6 a.m. tomorrow, why the hell is he not leaving?" and he was just being evasive and I got really mad again, asking him why he keeps making exceptions for his friends, but not me (come 10 p.m. and we're on the phone, he'll be "I'm off to bed"). He also jumped my throat right then and there (even though his friend could hear) and called me selfish and "disturbed." I don't appreciate that kind of name-calling and I think we shouldn't put up with that! I mean, how would they feel? So, yeah, I feel taken for granted as well and I've been planning on giving my husband the cold shoulder to show him once and for all that that's no way to treat me. I always have a hard time pulling that off, though, I usually cave in and contact him again.

Also, I don't know how it's for you, but if I have something planned and tell my hb that we won't be able to talk, he won't have any problem not talking to me at all for a day! That of course makes me feel he's not really interested in talking to me anyway. *sigh*

[xsomanymilesx]

he should be more considerate, if you are wating up for a ten minute convo? not good.. me and my boyfriend wouldnt even bother, just leave it for that night and dont talk, then the next time you talk will be extra good because you havent talked in a day and he will have loads to tell you. although the lying isnt good, you need to talk to him about this, explain why you are upset and you think he is taking you for granted.

[sagittariusgirl89]

I know, I decided I am gonna go to bed and then call him early the next morning.
It just scares me, my parents and my brother are alcoholics, so when my boyfriend says he is gonna continue things at the hotel saturday night i instantly picture him being drunk and flirting with girls...its hard for me guys :-/ I haven't gone a night with out talking to him since he moved (7mths) so I don't know if I can even go to sleep that night...

[lunamea]

Oh, I'm sorry about your family. I understand your concerns, I have the exact same picture in my head every time my husband goes clubbing. Well, if you don't want to go without talking to him, perhaps you could settle for 10mins this time or you could text? And do make plans for yourself, too!

[William]

I think you take Him for granted, expecting to take an hour of his time every night just like that, and being annoyed that you can't get your hour when he's got something special going on.

[Moon]

I think you should just let him go to the wedding, have a good time, and skip the phone call. Trust is absolutely essential in an LDR, and you have to let go of the fear of him flirting with girls, or you'll never work out. If he otherwise talks to you everyday, give him this break, and he'll appreciate you more for it, instead of him beginning to think you could more more trouble than you're worth. Unless, of course, he's the same way with you and then ignore what I've just said. He's not taking you for granted, he just has something else he needs to do.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I don't think he should have yelled at you or called you selfish, but I think you should have let him have his fun at the wedding. It obviously not something he does frequently you said you normally have hour long convos. He needs his "me time' and "guy time." I do get upset with the SO when he doesn't want to talk long and he's with his friends.....but that's only when it goes on for a few days in a row. I know when I'm with my friends, yes I still want to talk to him, but not for 10 minutes.....I want time to spend with my friends, I don't do it often. So.....he's going to this friend's wedding...something that will probably happen once.........so give him time/space to have fun and enjoy his time there.

As for your worries.....I'm sure he's drunk....it's a wedding. BUT I bet he's NOT flirting with girls!