Writing to a black hole...

[YorkshireLass]

Does anyone ever feel like they're sending messages into a black hole when trying to communicate with their SO?! Sending e-mails and texts that don't get replies, for a couple of days if at all, and then only a brief sentence or two?!

What do you do - do you carry on writing to them regardless, or wait for them to reply, however much silence is in between?

[Zephii]

Occasionally I felt like that when texting Obi. He didn't like texting because his phone was crap and well... some people just don't text much... so many would go unanswered. I learnt to send texts that didn't really require a reply, so that I could still make his day but I know I likely wouldn't get a response and that was ok.

If it were our only communication, and it went on for weeks or something, I'd stand my ground and be all like "this isn't enough, step it up a bit" I don't play games, so I wouldn't just wait around for a reply or do the same back to him or whatever, I'd just flat out talk to him about it.

[kiara_silver]

was like this when he was super duper busy, and he also stopped liking the site we had used to message. So i would write like 5 messages and he would reply to one or he wouldnt reply and waited till we were both online lol, but i still like to write him, cause my messages are usually just random, or whats on my mind or whats going on, so it makes me feel close to him, like im talking to him. So i carry on writing him lots. And he writes me back often, its just when he is super busy mostly

[Tobby]

Sometimes I do feel like that. I would always send messages to my SO whenever i could still reminding her and comforting her I'm still there. Sometimes i would get sad thinking she doesn't respond back to me at all, only rarely is she able to. Then again i think of how hard life is for her, and how busy she is all the time with limited communication devices. Just as long as she gets to read what i want to tell her I'm happy . I also give her updates on what's happening with my current life every now and then. you wouldn't believe how much my day gets better when i see a new message on facebook coming from her. DON'T TAKE THE LITTLE THINGS FOR GRANTED! Just think some people have it worse than you, and still surviving through with it.

[lucybelle]

If you don't think you're getting enough communication you need to ask for more. When my SO wasn't sending me enough emails, I let him know. He certainly stepped his game up after that conversation

[Miramaid]

If you don't think you're getting enough communication you need to ask for more. When my SO wasn't sending me enough emails, I let him know. He certainly stepped his game up after that conversation

I did just that. May be not in the best way coz I was overwhelmed and cried but as a result he said i did not appreciate what he did do and that he was busy and stuff...I have not heard from him at all in 3 days. And that is considering that there is no time difference and we can call/text/IM/ and skype every day. I do not call because the whole issue was over me wanting more and him defending himself. HE threatened to not call or text at all for 2 weeks so I wuld actually feel how it is. I do not know if that is what he is doing but I think if you are in love you would not NOT communicate with your SO for 3 days...

So it depends on the reason why he doesnt want to communicate. There is this movie "he is just not that into you" and I wonder if many men are just not very much into their women and take them for granted

[Minerva]

Email used to be an issue with us because I like to send long, War-and-Peace-length epics and expected the same sort of replies. Eventually he told me he doesn't like to email, and since we talked almost every day via IM, I learned to live with it.

Now I just accept it as one of his quirks, because we have otherwise excellent communication. But if email was all we had, I'd be pushing him to email me more.

As for myself, I love to send and receive emails, but I tend to get overwhelmed and if I have too many to answer, I freeze up and put it off. Maybe that's what he's doing?

If email and texts are your primary communication, there is no reason he can't send something out most days. After all, a text only takes seconds. Emails take a bit longer, but a quick email should take no more than 5-10 minutes at the most. Let him know you need more. Talk to him about it. Some guys just don't communicate as well as others, and he might think he's being far more communicative than he is. And try not to overwhelm him with a ton of communications that he'll find difficult to respond to.

Good luck.

[chwdg10]

At some point, I'll try and be annoying about it just to show how ridiculous it is that he isn't replying to me for a long time.

[bigmac62]

Yeah, it does feel like that sometimes, but then I remember she's really not much of a talker, even face-to-face. Most times, she is doing something else or just getting ready to go to bed.

I agree with Minerva: if that's your only form of communication, then shoot him an email saying you'd like a little more substance in his repiles. Just be gentle and not annoying about it, and everything should work out for the better for both of you.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I sometimes send my SO multiple texts whilst he's in school and I still haven't learned yet that he can't reply to them all Patience is the key, but there's only so much of a limit before the silence can become unbearable. I agree with lucybelle, just talk to your SO when you can and ask if it's possible for him to communicate more with you. That should make him realise how you're feeling and hopefully things should improve.

[Madge]

Tell me about it Since I am a student I have a bit more free time.. meanwhile Nick is working fulltime so the communication can sometimes be a bit onesided. I am use to it now although if we go a couple of days without any form or communication I get a bit ansty.

I agree with what others have said, talk to your SO if you need more communication

[YorkshireLass]

Thanks for all the replies!

Miramaid, your conversation sounds like how mine usually go - I get upset, he says I don't appreciate the effort he does make, etc.! Often it turns out to be my fault, somehow, for doing something of which I've been totally unaware.

We have talked about the communication issue, several times, starting from when I first came away (over a year ago), after which we decided that we would try to send (at least) one e-mail a day, even if it was just "Hi, how was your day? I had cheese sandwiches for lunch" (or something like that ). I've pretty much kept up my side (unless there was no way I could, i.e. no internet or phone signal), but he's been pretty intermittent throughout. I used to just carry on regardless, telling him about my day and so on (just a short note before bed, so as not to take up too much of his time), but lately I've grown tired of trying to keep up a one-way conversation and really don't feel like writing to thin air any more. I'm also kind of curious to see whether he will take the initiative and contact me "first" - which I guess is playing games, in a way, but if telling him directly doesn't work, I'm not sure what will...

Tobby - thanks for the perspective; you're right that some people do have much more difficult situations to deal with, and I should appreciate what I do have; I'll try to remember that!

[sweetshine]

I get like that, but usually Im over reacting and hes just busy at the moment. He always writes back with a reply eventually and tells me what hes been doing. Well, if he can anyways. Patience, is a hard work in my vocabulary. lol