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Struggles

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    Struggles

    Hey everyone! I'm pretty new here, well to the message board anyways. My name is Cody, I'm 17...I've been in long distance relationships and in person relationships before. But the guy I'm in one with now is seriously the man of my dreams. We have been together for almost a month, not a long time I know. But I feel like I've known him all my life. We click really well, and we are very compatible.


    He lives in California, and I live in Kansas, but I'm moving to Arizona in a week, then I will only be 5 1/2 hours away from him. He came and saw me last week, and the way I was treated was just amazingly well to say the least! I have a lot of fears that come up from my past with many different situations, but it has made me the man I am today. But what's different with Javier, my fears still come up but he helps with them without even knowing that he does, or the fears just vanish, because I confront them. He really treats me well, with respect, care, and love. Something I've always wanted, and it's taking some time to actually get used to being treated....right.


    We have very good communication and respect in the relationship, some of the issues are, he is around his ex a lot of the time, because they work together, go to class together, they don't get a long but I'm getting texts from time to time, with him venting to me on what his ex is doing. How do I stay calm and not get mad about it? It doesn't annoy me, just kinda makes me doubt that he really sees me for who I am if that makes sense. But I like to listen and help people, I'm going to be going to school for Psychology to be a guidance counselor. And in his defense I do ask him what is going on, because I want to know what all is going on through his mind, since I can't see his body language, or hear his voice while he is at school or work.


    I feel like if he stopped telling me those things, then it would lead to lack of communication, and then problems would start. Have any of you ever been in this situation? Thanks in advance, and thanks for reading all of this!!

    #2
    First of all I'd like to say Welcome!

    About your issues.. I think you just have to fully trust your boyfriend, and understand that he is with you now. If with those texts you get annoyed or upset, you should talk to him about it and make him understand your position. I don't think it'd lead to lack of communication, but it'd bring you closer together because there IS communication about how you two feel about each other's actions, since you're apart.

    My boyfriend is in the "same" situation, I mean, I don't spend so much time with my ex, but we ended our relationship on friendly terms and we do hang out from time to time. He's not really happy about it, we talked it out and things are getting better between us.


    Good luck!

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      #3
      Back then I used to vent about my ex a lot but I just needed to say the things I couldn't say to my friends but he might be appreciating what he has now but you still need to let him know how you feel about it.
      It seems that you two have great chemistry so don't let that get in the way of the relationship.

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        #4
        i agree with sixx. as long as you trust him and also that the communication is important, it would be more worrying if they were around eachother and he never mentioned his ex at all... its good that he is open with you about it.

        i have been in a similar situation in the way that i vent about my ex to my current boyfriend (my ex isnt fully over me and its upsetting the things he does sometimes) but i talk to my current boyfriend because i am annoyed and i want him to know about whats bugging me and stuff. dont let it make you insecure/mad or whatever because hes with you now, the ex is history, you sound like a good person by asking him about whats going on with him and how hes feeling, we all get like that sometimes, when we ask and sometimes wish we didnt/dont like the answer... you click well, you are compatable. dont let the ex ruin it!

        i hope this has helped. good luck !

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          #5
          Thanks guys for the great feedback!!! I really needed that. And it does help calm my fears, I do have more faith in myself then I did before, and that's important while being in a relationship, I really appreciate the support from you guys too!

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            #6
            Hey, welcome, it's great to have you here!

            I wouldn't worry so much about it. As someone else said, it's when they don't talk about it that it can become a problem. If he's talking openly he isn't hiding stuff and it means he probably wishes he could get away from the ex as much as you want him to. Unfortunatly, life sometimes forces us to spend time with people we don't really like... but often that reminds us exactly why we don't like them!
            Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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              #7
              Yeah I agree, when he isn't talking about, that is when you should worry. And I also agree that you should tell him how it makes you feel when he talks about, that way you he will know how you feel. Good luck it sounds like you will be able to talk it through with him

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