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Is it time for a break up? (Really long)

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    Is it time for a break up? (Really long)

    My SO and I have been dating for almost 9 months. I love him very much, but lately it's become too much for me to handle. It started a couple months ago when he deleted his facebook, I didn't care too much we still texted and such. One day, I was looking through my photos when I noticed his comment, which had diapered when he deleted had re-appeared. I clicked his name only to find out he re-activated and deleted me. I confronted him. He denied and later I found it once again deleted. This happened a few times, before one time he just denied it. He didn't bother to delete it, but instead just said it wasn't there though I could plainly see it. Eventually, he admitted to it, but that he didn't really use his facebook. I, for the most part, ignored it, but I would still check it profile frequently. I was curious, anyway, what I had noticed is his friend count had been fluctuating a lot. People were being added and deleted. I told him and it was again out right just him denying. He said he hadn't been on it weeks. Eventually, it was deleted again. he did re-make it and he ended up adding me. After adding me, we were talking on the phone one night. He was playing video games and I was on my computer. I told him I was going to "stalk" his facebook. He said okay and explained he had nothing to hide. I looked through his profile and saw those days when he said that he didn't use his facebook there were posts and people added. It didn't bother me too much beside the fact that quite a few girls were added and even some posts on other girl's walls and photos. It all bothered me a little, but what really through me over the edge was a video posted on his wall with an above caption that said, "for you." It had one like, another girl. It struck me as suspicious and when I asked him about it he said he never posted that video. Lately, facebook haunt been a problem, but phone usage has.
    His phone broke for 2 or 3 months, I cannot recall for the life of me for some reason. These were months with no calls and very few texts. This happened about the same time as the facebook drama. When he finally got a new phone, our talking was limited. He called me every night for hours and for an hour or two in the morning when we woke up before his phone was broken. The first month he got his new phone I didn't receive a single phone call until I explained to him how much it hurts me when he doesn't call. He called me every night that week until it became more of a struggle. I began having to bed him to call and if I told him to call me before he went to bed, because I needed to sleep, it wouldn't happen. He wouldn't even try to call me. I explained, again, how I didn't like when he wouldn't call. He still continues, however, to not call. He seems to always be with his friends. It's literally an every night thing from 8pm-4am. The only time he has "time" to talk. He constantly tells me he's too busy even though he dropped out of high school and currently has no job.
    Since he has no job, he has no money. This means that if I want to visit him, I have to pay for it all. I've never received a present or even a letter from him. I've sent him 3 packages and 1 letter so far and he shows no interest in doing anything like that for me. It doesn't have to be something expensive. I'd just like something handmade.
    He, also, constantly breaks promises. I've lost complete trust for me, because he promises every night to call, he tells me every day he'll change and make me happy, and he promised me for 6 months that he was working on saving up to come see me. He never saved up a penny, even when he did have a job. It's becoming too much for me.
    Two night ago, we had one of our biggest argument. I told him that I was no longer happy in our relationship, because he stopped caring for me. He completely argued with me and told me that if I leave him he'll kill himself. I can't discuss my feelings without that subject come up. We argued for a few minutes when he finally said, "You just like to argue." It's almost like he can't see whats going on. I've threatened plenty of times to break up with him if he doesn't change and he always promises he will. He never does.
    Later that night, he promised he'd start to call me every night staring tonight when he got home from his friends. We texted for a bit, with long intervals, before I fell asleep. I did make him promise before then that he would call even if fell asleep. I woke up the next morning to no phone call. After I sent him an angry text he finally called me in the morning.
    Last night, we we're texting, again, with long intervals when I finally told him I was tired and would've appreciate a phone call. He said he wanted to finish his game and urged me to sleep for a little bit, because he would be awhile. I finally fell asleep when he stopped texting me and I woke up at 5:30am again with no phone calls. I couldn't fall back to sleep.
    I've told him multiple times that I'm not happy, but he says that I'm overreacting and that he's still happy. It's come to the point where I cry every night. I want to break up with him, but I feel like I just can't. I love him too much.

    #2
    I don't think you are overreacting at all. You are unhappy and he is not taking that seriously and making the necessary changes. My ex-boyfriend was like this, he had a ton of excuses for why he couldn't call/skype/send letters/etc. But in the end, I realized that he just didn't care enough to find a way.

    Something that really bothers me is that he claimed he would kill himself if you left. This is extremely manipulative and childish behavior. You should be able to make a clear headed decision without his threats of hurting himself.

    Good luck with your decision. We're here for you!

    Comment


      #3
      It's time. This isn't a relationship, this is a hostage situation. It seems like the only reason you haven't left him is because of the emotional blackmail he throws at you when you try to leave. He's playing serious games with your head, and when you try to tell him how much he's hurting you, he tells you you're over-reacting. Yeah, that's not a good sign -- that's called gaslighting. Honestly, he seems borderline emotionally abusive. Or at best, he has zero respect for you and your emotions.

      Comment


        #4
        Minerva is right, this is a form of emotional abuse.

        you deserve to be happy, and clearly, you aren't if you're crying every night. you say you love him, but ask yourself, what is it exactly that you love about him? write them down. list all the pros, and the cons to see which outweighs the other. I'm sure when you first started dating him, you would have probably laughed at this idea, but now you really need to take a look from the outside in.

        he's draining you. you're constantly waiting on him but he's a no show.

        the best thing for you to do is cut him from your life. he was able to easily delete you from his facebook, wasn't he? you should be able to do the same, and never look back. you deserve someone who is willing to make time for you. someone who enjoys your company and doesn't make it out like its a chore. someone who makes promises AND FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH THEM.

        I hope you take my advice and drop this guy. he is not worth your time anymore. clearly, to him, you're not worth his time either. but I'm sure that there is another guy out there somewhere on this earth who is willing to make every sacrifice he can because he'll love you like you've never been loved before, but you won't find him unless this one is out of your life.

        good luck

        Comment


          #5
          I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice. It's nice to have a little third party help and I'm going to seriously think about what I'm going to do. I'm glad I found this website. None of my friends really understand my situation.

          Comment


            #6
            Sounds a little familiar - the last LDR I had, neither of us had jobs, yet I had to pay for everything with travel because I always went there. That's bullshit. And all of it sounds like emotional blackmail. Don't let him hurt you anymore! Break up with him. Don't give him anymore chances, and most of all, when you do break up, block/delete him from everything. He'll try to beg you to come back. Don't. For your own sake.

            Love you forever and forever
            Love you with all my heart
            Love you whenever we're together
            Love you when we're apart.

            Comment


              #7
              You honestly just described the exact situation I was just in. I broke up with him today because it was apparent that he just didn't care anymore. It's hard as shit and as I'm writing this I'm sitting in my room moping. But the fact that he will blatantly lie to you and disrespect you, as well as threatening you with suicide shows that he doesn't really care.

              A breakup would probably be best, but I know that even if it's staring you in the face it's hard to do sometimes. I'd been fighting this for well over 6 months before I finally decided to leave. Like I said, I just went through the same thing. If you need anything, I am more than happy to talk.

              Good luck darling.

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