Breaking heart in progress

[dse99we]

Hey everyone. First, thanks for any advice you might offer. I really appreciate you taking the time to read the following and offer up any type of wisdom that might pop into your mind.

My name is John and I live in a city in the Midwest. I am a gay male, although many people who know me have a very hard time believing it. I met a guy online over two and a half years ago, and it has always felt like the perfect thing, but the distance has always caused some sort of heart-ache. He lives in Denver. I wish I would have found this forum earlier.

We have the occasional visits, and everything is great. We Skype often, talk/text every day, and (I know this might sound corny) we sleep together over the phone at night, either wearing headphones or saying goodnight and falling asleep with one another on the phone. We text when we wake up and say "have a good day," and always leave each other some kind of corny voicemail throughout the day. Like many in-person relationships, we have nicknames for each other, inside jokes, favorite things to do together, etc.

We had always talked about moving closer to one another, as we were both in the position to do so. After a while, though, he decided to go back to school in southern California. He found a place, registered for classes in Spring, and we always knew the day was coming, but he moves tomorrow. Now the time difference will be two hours, and he has an actual ROOMmate, not just somebody he shares a duplex or apartment with.

So, we can't sleep together anymore, and with our crazy schedules, we know that our interactions are going to be much less than they were before. We've had the "if it's meant to be, then it will work out" conversation, and we are both determined to make it work.

Last night was our last night falling asleep together, and we talked a lot today. His flight leaves at 6AM tomorrow morning for CA, so tonight, we won't be able to be together. This is where I feel like I'm going to sound crazy- but everything reminds me of him, and I hate being alone. For almost every single day for 2.5+ years, we have slept together. Even if we didn't text at all during the day, or if there was some kind of family tragedy, it was always comforting knowing that we would be with each other at night and make each other smile, etc.

How do I get my mind off of it? Have any of you gone through this before? Like I said, I know we will still talk and text as much as possible, and he said that he would still call to sleep at night if he can, but keep in mind midnight his time would be 2am my time.

I feel like it's all coming to an end. Something that was so great for both of us is now drawing to a close, and everything I do, memories just keep popping into mind.

How would you approach this situation?

Thanks for any and all comments. Even if you think I'm an absolute nutcase, please tell me. I need to get some perspective.

[folclor]

Hey and welcome to the community! I'm glad you found it as it's a great resource. I understand the thing about falling asleep together. Before my boyfriend got a job that he had to wake up early for we would fall asleep on skype together every night and in the morning he'd murmur a good morning and it was lots of fun. His job kind of changed when we'd be able to chat and you're in a similar situation as him now, too. I've moved closer to go to uni (three hours away now instead of a day's plane ride, score!!) and have a roommate so it would be impossible for us to go to sleep together anymore.

But you two have been together a long time, right? So you have a lot of trust built up. My suggestion is that, if you can't talk every night like you want, set one night that's like a date night or something where, no matter what, you two will talk on that night. It's always a great thing to look forward to and you get to hear your SO's voice. You could even set up video dates on skype so you can see each other. My boyfriend and I do that for date nights. We're corny, too ^^; we kiss the webcam cause we can't kiss each other. It's fun stuff ^^ But mainly just figure out when you two can communicate and talk then. Texts still work, y'all can text throughout the day when you're able or call for quick chats between stuff. It'll be good ^^

No matter what, though, make sure y'all both have your own lives to live. You probably have that down, but it's important. That way it makes it so talking is something you want to do and are not obligated to do and, also, it gives you more to talk about ^^

Good luck!

[dse99we]

I very much appreciate that. I really like the idea of a date night. I will bring that up to him next time we talk. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

[Miramaid]

can you move there?

[JennyRW]

I know is hard, but You have been pretty long time together so I know you can do it You just need to be strong!
What my bf and I do is that we are texting the whole day (without interferring with job or class, like before starting to work, on the breaks, as soon as he finish his working day...)
We don't talk until falling asleep but we do talk every night to at least say good night (he goes to sleep like 2 hours earlyer than me, so we say good night, he goes to sleep, and I stay up doing assignments or watching tv...) And every morning we send texts to eachother to say good morning on the weekends I call him as soon as I weak up, I dont even leave the bed and Im calling him
You have to try to adapt to the new situation and to his schedule, but you'll se that texting is a pretty good thing because you can do it during the whole day (but not if you are driving hehehe)
Good luck!

[Zephii]

Hey

You can still sleep together. Who cares if his roomie thinks it's weird? Obi and I slept together every night too (with a 5 to 7 hour time difference, go us lol) even when he slept at school with the rest of his classmates in the room. Like you have to respect his room mate, don't talk all through the night or anything, but just sleeping together and a few whispered "I love yous" and "goodnights". The roomie would get over it I think. So if you're willing to keep it up even with a time difference, let your guy know. He'll likely be flattered that you want to continue.
And the time difference? Well it wont kill him to start going to bed one hour earlier and you one hour later. Compromise.

Welcome to the forum, you seem like a nice feller, hope to read more posts from you soon

[mllebamako]

I think you'll just have to give yourself time to adjust to a new reality. There are so many different LDR situations and you just need to look at this one as a new challenge. Find a new way to feel close with him- the date night suggestion was great, or you can send each other love letters or care packages, etc. Hopefully, you'll find a new special tradition

(welcome to LFAD!)

[Jovan]

No help i can give and either comment because I'm having the same situation like you do. I can understand well how you feel right now and it's pretty hard to adjust my life without her. We use to online call 24/7 even during our working time. I always believe one thing, time is the answer. Sooner or later i will get use to it.

[dse99we]

Hey. Thank you to everybody who took the time to offer advice. This really is an outstanding place to read people's experiences. I hope to offer up some advice of my own in the days to come. I think people in LDRs are a special kind of people. We're stronger than the rest.

As for my situation, I talked to my SO today, and it really seems like this is going to be hard. I am not sure what conclusion we are both going to come to when we get into the routine of things, but like I said "if it's meant to be- it will work out."

More threads to come. Thanks again, everyone.