Compromises. . .

[Kiyenna]

So. . . lately I've been thinking about when I move to be with my angel a lot. I found out that he won't be staying with me. I'll be in a place I don't know with no one I know but him. . . probably working all the time to support myself since I'm all alone. And he'll probably be busy studying constantly because he always takes too many classes. When will I ever see him? He'll be all I have there. And then in the summer he'll be leaving me by myself there to study abroad. I want him to, but I don't want him to. . .

I'm sad and disappointed because I thought things would be so different. He used to talk like he'd stay with me and we'd take care of each other. That's not the case. . . My parents will hate me when I leave, so there's a burned bridge. And I'll be leaving my siblings who mean so much to me and are always there for me.

Everything looks dark and depressing now. . . I'll sleep alone and wake up alone and spend my day working. Maybe go to bed without ever seeing him. If I have money problems, or someone breaks in, or I get sick, no one is going to be there for me. When the economy was better I was sure I could get a good job no matter what and everything would be okay.

Also, my siblings were going to move to Chicago because my brother's girlfriend is there and to be with me. It's 8 hours from my family. 6 from his. I'm getting the shorter end of the stick, but oh well. Well I asked him about it and he said no. He said he needs to be closer to him mom and brother. Closer than I get to be to my parents? It's really, really unfair that nothing in our relationship can ever be the way I want it to be. I have to do everything his way. . .

Now I'm scared that he can't be without his family and I can't be without mine and all of our dreams are disintegrating right now. . . and nothing is going to be okay.

I want to just give up and let him have his way and make my siblings stay in Iowa. Then my family is happy minus the absence of me, and he and his family is happy. I'm the only miserable one. But that's how life always goes for me and I'm sick of it. He never makes sacrifices for me. Why am I the only one who has to give things up?

I love him more than anything in the entire world and I know I'll never love someone else the way I love him. And no one will ever love me the way he loves me. . . But what's going to happen to us? ._. I'm so, so, so scared. . . I feel like I'm dying and the world is shattering.

[archangel]

Kiyenna...
your thread kinda relates to one I posted not too long ago.
Thinking-Ahead-Moving-to-be-with-your-sweetheart

I'd recommend talking it over with your SO to tell him how you feel about his decision. Since similarly to my thread the best solution is the route with the least amount of compromises for both of you.
I hope everything works out!!
AA

[Zephii]

Mate I'm so so sorry *big hugs*
You need to talk to your boy and knock some sense into him. He is asking too much.

Why wont he stay with you? (I assume by stay you mean you wont live together) And what is the point of moving to where he is if he is only going to move away a short time later?

It is hard to be the one that moves for the other person, to be far away from the friends, family and places you know. It's a lot harder than I ever expected, even with the love and support of Obi and my friends here. You need to make him realise this and use it to bargin something into your advantage. No man is worth making yourself miserable.
I know how it feels because originally, I was moving for Obi and he never wanted us to go back to Australia again. I asked him "How can you ask so much of me that you claim you would be unable to do?" And I pointed out everything he was asking me to give up, not only what I already had, but experiences like being there for my sister when she has children and being part of their lives, and having a carrer. Perhaps Logan just doesn't realise the extent of what he's asking from you, maybe he hasn't thought and planned as throughly as you have.

Don't dispair, there is always a solution. Sometimes you just have to be creative. I'm sure you will find a way!!
Always here if you need to talk
~Miri

[Kiyenna]

He won't stay with me because he's choosing a college that requires he stay in the dorms his first year. And he said even after that, he might not stay with me. . . And I don't know the point. I'm just scared that something might happen and I'll have wasted all the time we could have had together waiting for the perfect opportunity to finally be there. And things are bad at home. . .

And he hasn't thought about it and I don't know if he ever will. He leaves everything up to me and he used to always avoid talking to me about that kind of thing and saying we'd worry about it when we got there.

Thanks for listening. It has always meant a lot to me.

[Zephii]

Tell him that you's will never get there to worry about it unless he helps you make plans to do so because stuff like this doesn't just fall into place! Boys! *rolls eyes* (Yes, that was sexist, but I don't mean it in a bad way, so please nobody get your knickers in a twist over it)

It seems to me that he's just scared of rushing in, which is fair enough, it's a little scary. Is there any way you can just visit a time or two before you move closer perminantly? I know getting your parents to allow that will be hard, but plenty of kids travel a bit after they finish school, I'm sure you could find a way to convince them somehow.

[Kiyenna]

I know!!! XD Guys are like that a lot. They don't like thinking about things they don't exactly want to so they just avoid it!

It will be rough, but I have to do it for him. :P He wants me to visit a few times before I move, too. I'm an adult. They can't stop me. :\

[agentholli]

im sorry. Ths makes me sad. It does sound like you are getting the rough end of it. And it just doesn't seam fair. I don't really have any advice..i know that I wouldn't b able to move away from my family. And my bf has known that from day one. Maybe I am asking to much of him. I actually feel like a total loser, when I think about it. But his situation is different there and he actually wants to move. I hope you can get it worked out. Good luck!

[Alisz]

Yeah, it sounds like he doesn't want to rush into things. You guys have plenty of time. ^^ My boyfriend is kind of the same way. He wants to be with me and live with me, but he's very much the type of person who likes to pace himself. I'm kinda the opposite and can be impulsive. He has little doubt that we'd be fine living together, but he's very considerate of how my parents would feel too. When he talks about being closer, he talks about moving to a city near the border (it will make things easier immigration-wise) like Buffalo or Niagara Falls. At first I got upset because I thought he would want to live with me... He assured me he does, but we have plenty of time for all that. He wants things to go right and for our families to approve. The only way is if we take things slow and prove to them that we're mature responsible adults. Perhaps your boyfriend thinks the same way. Talk to him and find out what he thinks.

Btw, I understand him not wanting to be apart from his family but it sounds kinda like an excuse to me. You said that he'd be studying abroad in the summer... so he'd be away from his family then too. :/ Also, with him living in the dorms on campus and going to class, when would he see his family?

[xsomanymilesx]

you need to talk to him about how you are feeling and sometimes you have to stand your ground even if you are scared, its not right if you feel you are getting the shorter straw on everything, where you said this...

"and he and his family is happy. I'm the only miserable one. But that's how life always goes for me and I'm sick of it. He never makes sacrifices for me. Why am I the only one who has to give things up?"

it shouldnt be this way, surely your SO wont be happy if you are miserable, so talk to him, you need to work it out before you regret decisions. i also agree with Alisz, if hes moving abroad hes going to be away from his family then so whats the difference ... :S

good luck i hope it works out for you and you come to a decision that you are both happy with....xxxx

[Kiyenna]

It's more about later when he finishes school. He won't be awful without them for a little while. In the long term, he doesn't want to be away from them and only see them maybe a couple times a year. I understand, but that'd make it so I'd only see mine maybe a couple times a year. . . :P And I guess like AgentHolli's boyfriend, I always gave the impression that I wanted to leave. And I did. I wanted to leave and never come back. I thought my parents would hate us both forever. I was ready to give them up for him. But my sister left their church and is living with her boyfriend and, after a rough few months, my parents are treating her nicely. It pretty much shocked me. Now that I know that they may eventually not hate us, I want to be close enough that we can visit sometimes. My mom has always loved Logan and if it weren't for the fact that he's not from their religion, she would be so happy for me. I want them to be able to get to know him better. It's kind of my fault that he never thought about possibly moving closer to my parents.

No. . . It's all my fault. I always said they'd hate me forever and I could never come back even though he said they couldn't possibly hate me forever.

This whole mess is actually my own creation and I didn't even know until I just now explained everything for you guys and it clicked!! x_x I've made him feel like he's doing the worst thing ever taking me from here, made him feel like we might not be okay, and made him cry and it's all my fault. @_@ I've got some 'pologizing to do. . . I feel so bad.

[Zephii]

Easy on yourself there mate! Yes, you might have been a bit missleading, but when there is new information it is still ok to change your mind and renegotiate. I'm glad to hear there is a chance your family will eventually accept Logan that's great!
I'm confident you can find a happy compromise ^^
Chin up!

[Alisz]

Yeah, don't be so hard on yourself. ^^ Like I said before, you have plenty of time to figure these things out. *hugs* Nothing is set in stone. You're really just hypothesizing how life would be like there for you. You won't know until you try it. Maybe you can find a place to sublet, so you won't have to sign a lease. Maybe you'll see your boyfriend more than you think. He can't be studying all the time. A person would go crazy :P You'd have days off too from work. Even if he has classes, maybe you can meet up with him after and have a bite to eat. Maybe you'll meet some friends there so you won't be so lonely. I'm just saying, maybe it's not as bad as you think?

Also, he may change his mind too. Has he ever been away from home for a long period of time before? Maybe studying abroad will give him a new perspective. I hadn't thought much about living somewhere else other than where my family lives until I was in another city for most of a 3 year period. It was kinda nice because I felt like I had more freedom. I didn't worry about anything I did and how it might somehow get back to them because someone they know saw me.

Just calmly discuss the options with him. Tell him the things that you want and he'll tell you the things he wants. Tell each other why you want those things and try to find some middle ground. Don't blame yourself, it takes two people to be in a relationship. ^^

[Mio]

I hope you come to a happy medium. Because I think it would be totally unfair for you to be the only one that makes sacrifices.