Hi I'm new! Also, need your opinion

[Natalie]

Hi everyone! I'm so glad I found this forum, it's a wonderful idea to give and get support like that. God knows we need it!

I've something on my mind I'd like to ask your help with.

My SO and I have been together for about a year and a half. We're both in our late 20s. We see each other a few times a year and have a solid relationship. We get along great and haven't had any major arguments. He's caring, affectionate and reliable. We talk every day, even when we're traveling, or on a night out, and we've met each others friends and families. He's not much of a talker and doesn't say I love you every day, but when it does it's special. We're both committed, invested and we both see future with one another. Sexual chemistry is also very strong, we're still very much into it.

Anyway, I generally have depression and anxiety issues and when I'm feeling down, little things often trigger me into paranoia about our relationship. I'm aware of it and I usually don't take it out on him, but talk to my best friend until I get better. It's like I can't tell the difference between important and non-important anymore and I need someone to help me regain common sense.

Today I'm feeling like that, and I would really need your opinion on this.

He has a blog where he posts his poems every few weeks. They're normally quite melancholic. I asked him early on, before we even got together, if the poems are autobiographical, and do they reflect his feelings. He said they usually aren't, that he just puts phrases and rhymes together the way they fit the best - but did say that there were a couple that were about how he felt.

However, I've noticed a strong correlation between his moods and the poems he posts. When he was single and lonely, he wrote a lot about waiting for true love. When we got together, he wrote a lot of happy slushy poems. When he was super stressed at work he wrote about anger and failure etc. So I do believe they reflect his feelings - what's the point of writing them if they don't?

Sorry for the long intro, I'll get to the point now.

Anyway, today he's published a poem about being lonely and waiting for love. Not lonely as in 'I wish my girlfriend was here' but lonely as in 'I have nobody to love'. He goes on about how he's been waiting for love but it won't come. He feels sad seeing couples exchanging kisses, and wonders what he's doing wrong. He feels like time is slipping away while he's waiting. In the end it says, but soon he'll find his special someone.

He wrote poems like that before but not since we got together. Nothing about the way he's been treating me would suggest he's unhappy with the relationship or that he's waiting/looking for someone else. Distance is hard for both of us, but we cope with it. Still, I just can't bring myself to dismiss this poem as just art that has nothing to do with his feelings. It had to come from somewhere, right?

What do you guys think? Like I said, I'm currently having problems with telling whether my upset is legit or not. He was always reluctant to talk about any of his poems, and I doubt I could get a clear answer unless I push him to explain it.

Thanks to everyone for their opinion!

[Zephii]

Welcome to the forum

Well, I know I'd freak out, because that's what I do. I got the feeling while I read your post though that maybe he's talking about physical proximity love. I know when we're LD Obi has a very hard time thinking of it as a "real' relationship (or he used to, I hope he's over that now lol). So maybe it's something like that?
My other thought is that obviously he knows you read his stuff. I would think that's half the reason he doesn't want to talk about it. Like... he can only bear his soul so much?
Or maybe I'm off my rocker, I'm not all the way through my first coffee.

Maybe.. just say to him.. "I read it, I want to make this relationship more fulfilling for you. Regardless of if this poem reflects how you feel or not. Let's make this LDR rock"

I know I've been touched by friends situations before and written poetry for that... but.. I mean.. if he knows you read his stuff and it's not about him the decent thing for him to have done would be to pre-warn you and say "it's not about me" so...

I will shut up now.

[Minerva]

My SO writes poetry. I recall once reading a poem and thinking it was about him, and it turned out it was about someone else. I write too, and though my poems are always autobiographical, my fiction rarely is. It can be freeing to get into the head of someone else and write their viewpoint. And sometimes in poetry I revisit old, comfortable themes; even if I'm past a situation, a new way of expressing what I felt back then comes to me and inspires me to write something. So it could be the poem isn't about him, or is informed by his past. Creative writing, especially poetry, isn't always straightforward, even if on the surface it seems to be.

If you're nervous about it, ask. I know I love being asked about my writing, and my SO does too, so your SO will likely welcome a conversation about this.

[spideybass]

I too have some anxiety issues so I know how you feel about the paranoia. I would say ask him about the poem, maybe in a subtle way so it doesn't sound like you are confronting him about it. I know that sometimes I listen to songs about finding love when I feel down just because it fits my mood. It doesn't mean that I don't love my girlfriend, because I love her with every part of my being. Communication is a big part of an LD (I'm sure you have heard that a million times lol) and it might help if you just discussed it with him. It might ease up your stress and paranoia.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I get paranoid and stressed out ever so easy, and I find that if there's anything bothering me, I talk it through with my SO and we generally sort the problem out that way. I'd recommend you do the same. Your SO sounds like the kind of person who finds it easier to voice his thoughts and feelings through words alone, and that's ok, because everyone is different and deals with things in different ways. Ask him what's up, and solve the problem by talking through what's bothering him. It'll probably be a relief to both him and you.

[lonelyinlove]

Welcome to the site! To be honest, I think you should just bring it up to your SO if you hadn't already.

[corde]

First of all, all those that said you should speak to your SO are of course correct.

I write poetry, or I used to. I can tell you this, sometimes an idea or feeling gets in your head and it has nothing to do with who you are or what you feel, and generally when this happens, people need to do something with it, like write it down in a poem or a story. It's about expressing something but not necessarily yourself.

It can of course be influenced by what is going on in your life, or it can influenced by a song heard on the radio. The number of times I used to really love a song because of the ideas in the lyrics even though they had nothing to do with how I was feeling, but they were beautiful and/or tragic and I would find myself singing it, or listening to it over and over. My ex could never understand that it wasn't because I felt like that, I just loved the idea and the way it had been expressed. She never believed me, always thought something was up.

I'm not saying that there is nothing to worry about for certain, but without something else to suggest a problem, take it for what it is, expression of an idea.

Additionally what Zephii said above is true, it may also be that you are taking it too literally.

[Natalie]

Hey guys, thanks for the welcome and for your thoughts on this, they've been really helpful! I realized that when I'm feeling anxious like this, I don't trust my reasoning very much and I need to validate my upset with someone with a clear head, before I bring it up to him. We are fairly open with each other, he's not much of a talker like I said, but he's always honest about his feelings.

Also, I understand when you guys say you liked songs or poems that don't necessarily represent how you feel, I do that too. But in my opinion, creating something on your own is different than liking what someone else created, as it requires inspiration. Well, I don't want to get philosophical or anything, I appreciate your points of view.

Anyway, I casually asked him what inspired the poem. He said there was a person on his tumblr timeline whose every post in the past week had been about finding true love. His poem was a reaction, sort of a message to that person. It made sense, I was happy with that. We had a nice evening together