SO worried about losing my to another guy

[Hildy]

I am a new freshman in college and I've been in school for about a week and a half now and that is also the amount of time that we have been LD. My SO and I had agreed that we could make any friends we wanted to, girl or guy. I know this is hard for my SO because he struggles with being paranoid sometimes, but he said that it was fine despite the fact. The other night, my roommate and I were playing volleyball and a couple of guys joined us later and one of them is a tennis player, like myself. Being new to campus, I have very few friends or connections so I gave this guy my number so that maybe we could play tennis sometime and I could get more involved in the tennis community here on campus. I told this guy that I have a boyfriend so that we are clear on that subject and that I am not intersted in a relationship with this guy, only on being friends. My SO is having a hard time dealing with the fact that I have befriended another guy. He is very afraid of losing me to another guy.

My feelings for my SO are rock solid and I couldn't imagine leaving him because I started to like another guy. I understand that this does happen in LDRs but I am very sure about my feelings for my SO. If I didn't feel this confident, I would not have agreed to take on this challenge with him.

I told my SO that he needs to trust me and my judgement. I know I am faithful and not going behind his back in any way. I even felt that it would be wrong not to tell him about my new guy friend. I am confident in us, but he is having a hard time.

Is it inappropriate for me to have given my number to this guy? Should I have gone about this a different way? How do I help my SO feel more confident about me and trust me?

[snow_girl]

I think that if you laid out the boundaries with this guy then giving him your number is fine. Sounds like you SO has a some issues of his own he needs to work on, just make sure you tell him often how you feel about him and that he has nothing to worry about.

[Zephii]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. You've told the guy you're taken, and you seem smart and strong in your resolve. Just keep communicating with your SO, and eventually he'll losen up and realise it's safe. Hopefully anyway!

[Dziubka]

To be honest, I'd be very disappointed and angry at my boyfriend if he thought like that. Like: If he doesn't feel like he can trust me, than why is he with me? And what did I do to make him think like that?

There's nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong about you trying to make friends and getting involved with people. It's healthy and very important. If you don't socialize, you'll end up blaming your boyfriend for it in the long run. And you'll be miserable.
And it's not your responsibilty to make your SO more confident about you or the relationship. You can of course, tell him the obvious, that you love him, that you're not looking for anyone else, etc etc. I guess you're doing that already and it doesn't have much of an effect, right?
In the end, it's up to him. He has to realize that there's no reason not to trust you.
Can I ask what he's doing? Did he leave for college as well or did he stay in your hometown?

[kiara_silver]

lol im more on your SO's side, in this situation. He's more likely to give his number to a girl and have female friends then i am to hang out with guys. I personally don't love it but i trust my SO so i keep it to myself. Because I do want him to have fun and hang out on his free time. And I trust him, i know he wouldn't hurt me intentionally and i have his heart. But i think theres that fear being LDR. Because your not there, and you can't see, sometimes scenarios come into your head, what if that person gets flirty with your SO, what if what if. For me i guess im ind of possesive. lol in a way that i want to be the only girl in every aspect of his life. But reality is can't. In the end you just have to have trust. So I would suggest be friends, and your SO just has to trust you. You know your faithful so don't worry about it, course talk to your SO and take in his feelings, but still live life and have fun.

[Hildy]

He is going to college much closer to home than I am. I am going to school 2 hours away and he is going to school 20 minutes away from his home. We talked a bit about what happend last night and he seems to be settling down. But I do agree in regards to being upset and disappointed in the way her reacted. I was when I first told him about this, because I know how I feel and I'm sure of myself.

I think he will be just fine after he gets used to us being apart. This is all very new for the both of us, but so far it has been easier for me because I have so many differant things I can be doing and he is stuck with the same old, same old.

Thank you for your honesty and advice.

[JennyRW]

you didn't do anything wrong, you have been honest with your boyfriend and with your new friend, so I don't see anything bad about your decitions. I think it would be good if you can constantly remind your bf how much you love him and miss him to help him feel more secure about the situation. But you need to talk to him, explain him that the fact he doesn't trust you enough hurts you.

[HollzHeartsChris]

To be honest, this is a similar situation my SO and I found ourselves in awhile back. He was worried when I started uni, some guy would come along and try to sweep me off my feet, whilst I was worried girls would try to make advances on him whilst he was in school. We can both be a little insecure sometimes, not because we don't trust one another, but because we have that engraved in our personalities. Paranoia, anxiety, worry...we both suffer from them sometimes because of the way he's been brought up by his parents (who are maniacs to say the least) and because of the fact my father suffers depression and it's worn itself on me. We can't help it, to us it's just part of our natures. We've had worries like this in the past, but we don't worry anymore about this subject because we trust each other completely and we know that we wouldn't do anything like this to hurt each other. We discussed what was bothering us, shared how we felt, why we'd felt it, and reassured one another that nothing would happen and that we wouldn't let that happen.

I suggest you do the same. Just tell your SO that he has nothing to fear, and show him he has nothing to fear by reminding him how you feel about him, how you care about him and tell him how you would never decide to leave him for someone who was CD. Just remind him how much you love him, and everything should be fine after awhile, once he's calmed down and realised things will be fine

[Miramaid]

LD or CD people find other people sometimes... I understand your SO. I probably would feel the same to be honest. My SO is older but has very similar concerns if not worse.
You did not do anything wrong. You also told him honestly about the guy friend of yours. Your SO will get used to it with time (hopefully) or if not then i am afraid it did not mean to be. Or may be he should seriously consider moving with you if it is that hard for him

[chwdg10]

I kind of found myself in a similar situation except with people from work. My boyfriend lives across the country and recently I have begun to socialize more with my coworkers and hang out with them outside of work, including guys. He doesn't like the idea of it, but he won't stop me. I feel bad about it, but at the same time I've made it clear I have a boyfriend, we're hanging out as friends, and there's no reason my boyfriend shouldn't trust me.

It's nice to see others opinions on this issue.

[bluishskin]

I agree with the previous posts. Nothing wrong with what you did. I understand the concern regarding finding other people, whether you are in CDR or LDR. But your feeling towards your SO is strong, you gave the number simply because you needed to socialise and get some friends, and you are honest to your SO. Everybody needs to socialise and make friends. That includes your SO too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially if the boundaries are clear enough.
Communicate with your SO and assure him that things are ok. Hopefully in time he will cope with it better. If not, then it might be a red flag for you.
Good luck!

[Tigertray24]

i think having some insecurity is natural, but overall, he has to make the decision to trust you and not to let those fears cloud his judgment...on your part, i would just make sure that you let guy friends know that you have a b/f...if they push boundaries and aren't respectful of that, you might not want to spend much time hanging out with them...

i have a lot of guy friends, myself and i just try to make sure that i don't end up in a position where my relationship could potentially be put at risk...

[Hildy]

I kind of found myself in a similar situation except with people from work. My boyfriend lives across the country and recently I have begun to socialize more with my coworkers and hang out with them outside of work, including guys. He doesn't like the idea of it, but he won't stop me. I feel bad about it, but at the same time I've made it clear I have a boyfriend, we're hanging out as friends, and there's no reason my boyfriend shouldn't trust me.

It's nice to see others opinions on this issue.

I agree. Its nice to see that there are other people who have experience this same issue. Its comforting.

Thank you.