Does each visit get easier or harder? :/ I don't know if I can handle it..

[MissVampyxo]

So my mother has been talking about buying my SO a ticket to come see me for my 'Christmas present' She litterally brought it up not even 20 minutes ago. And I'm already crying about it. Every time I think about seeing him again- I get happy of course to know that we'll be happy and together. But it hurts even more knowing I'll have to go through that pain and depression all over again... I'm still recovering from it- we met for the first time in July and I've still been depressed and hurt months later. I just don't want to go through it again. He's been talking about moving here and of course I get so excited and happy about it but we don't see how it's going to work yet he keeps telling me he'll find a way. I just don't want to go through the visiting and leaving pain again...but I can't be selfish and not LET him see me because of that. I just don't know what to do. He was talking about coming here some time after Christmas to live here- but he doesn't exactly have the money, and he can't even find a job THERE.

I just really wish I could give up - but I love him so much I'm never letting go of him. But this pain and frustration is the worst thing in the world. And I don't know if I can handle it much longer.

[kteire]

For me, I've found the goodbye gets harder, but I adjust more easily each time. After our first visit since becoming LD, I was a complete mess once I was back home, and had to take some time off of work because of it. He and I just had our 3rd visit in July, and I was very sad for the first few days, but was back to being happy and excited to see him again soon after. It is always hard to be away, of course, but it gets more manageable with time!

[Zephii]

We never did a lot of visits. This is technically only our third So I'm no expert.

What I can tell you is this: you need those visits. You might love him so much that your heart is breaking but that doesn't mean you're good together CD. You need to spend time together in person to see if you'll actually work as a couple long term in the real world. It's just how it is

I'm sorry you're in so much pain though. I think there's a place of acceptance we can all reach, and that's how I manage to cope. Maybe there's a philosophy you can turn to for support or a religion or something? something conceptual to give you strength? I think that helps. Hang in there!

[JennyRW]

I don't know because the only good by that we had is wen he had to move to another state and his 1st visit will be in 7 days so I don't have much experience about good byes. But I think insead of thinking about the bad part, why don't you think about the good part: THE VISIT. I get so exited knowing he is comming here, I don't want to think about the good bye, I want to enjoy being together!
All be sand when he leaves, yes, but I won't let that mess the fact that we gonna be together!

[hxcbreakdance]

For me sometimes it's harder and sometimes it's a bit easier. just depends. I know how you feel, it's tough knowing he is coming just for him to leave again but try not to think about it like that. Just get excited that you do in fact get to see him and think about what a great time you will have together. I personally try not to think about him leaving once he is here AT ALL because then it just puts a damper on the trip and I don't want to be depressed the whole time he is here. It's tough but you can get through it

[Dauntedpoet]

I am sorry you're having such a hard time. I can totally relate to it. I have been at this LD stuff a very long time. Because we are international (he's in England I'm in NH) visits were initially once a year for a couple weeks and we spent the rest of our relationship online in messenger. We both suffer what we call 'the post vacation blues'. Sometimes it really hurts and takes a month or so to get back to 'normal', other times it only takes a couple weeks. He and I both agree that having a few visits planned.. even if the plans have to be changed.. really helps. As you learn how each other is going to react to a visit it gets easier and brings you even closer.

I guess what pulls me through is knowing how much I love and need him, and knowing he loves and needs me just as much. We both have made a commitment to each other. His not being with me doesn't make it any less of a commitment.

Hugs and more hugs

[lonelyinlove]

To me it's not harder, but its DEFINITELY NOT easier...Its just what it is. Its sad, but its something we as LDRs have to deal with for love...

[bluishskin]

To me it's not harder, but its DEFINITELY NOT easier...Its just what it is.

This is what I felt on his last visit 2 months ago. It is still hard to bear, but perhaps my SO and I have coped with it better than before. What helps us going through difficult times is the commitment, trust and support from family on both sides. We stick on this: "Do the best and let God do the rest." But that's us. Every individual copes with LDR differently. It's tough, but it doesn't mean you can't get through it. Hang in there and be strong, hopefully at the end you'll reap the sweet fruit for everything you've been fighting for!

[uniquefem]

Aww its so sweet that your mum giving your early xmast present!

I think for me it is harder. Because when the second time we say our temporary good bye, i had MORE feelings for him, its like leaving a slice of my heart there at the airport. The memories are much more and to think that i had to be by my self again was in moment making my head a bit light that time.

I think what you feel now just anxiety because going to meet him again. Please do try be happy, and not think about good bye,yet. Try to think that you are very lucky because you do had the chance to build more memories and laugh and argue... spent times with him... yes.. good bye always hurt, the absence always did... but hey... you're about to see him! plan good stuff to do together now, don't stressed it out... your mum giving it as present..be happy for it! (i bet she gave it because she know when your SO around, he made you feel happy!)

Good luck!

[Tigertray24]

it definitely sucks having that shock of going from dreamy blissfulness back to reality, but look at it from this perspective: you will value and enjoy the time you have together with him so much more...the depression probably comes from wanting to combine your love life with your everyday life, but not being able to...maybe over time you might be able to approach your visits with him as your reward for getting through the times without him...i think being able to transition between the two more easily just takes time and emotional practice...it can't get better if you give up at it...

[kat4301]

Yeah I think the visit will generally help, the more you are able to visit, the more you can create and get used to the post-visit rituals. When my SO leaves I now know exactly how to keep myself busy and look ahead. I don't think it get easier and the hardest goodbyes seem to come and go depending on when we will see one another again. So maybe try and make a plan for things you can do after he leaves both with him and without him so you have something to look forward to.

[Malaga]

It's harder, no doubt about it
But that also means it gets better, as you get closer to each other and more ready to close the distance.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Each time is different for me. Sometimes it makes it worse, but other times it's not so bad. Whenever we're together on a visit, it feels like nothing else matters and that we can so do this. But, when one of us has to leave, it hurts of course, but sometimes it's worse than other times. If I'm going to see him again within two months, it's really not so bad for me. Of course I'll miss him like crazy and not want to leave, but I know I'll be seeing him again soon. I also know that after each visit, it's one less time that we'll have to have a visit, because we're a little bit closer to closing the distance permanently. Visits are like rewards, they make the time apart so worth it.

[milaya]

For me, I've found the goodbye gets harder, but I adjust more easily each time.

This!

Because the time span we're not together gets easier and easier to imagine (since we're pretty much apart for the same amount of time each time) I seem to cry more and more. I want to believe that time passes fast and etc. but, I have lots of memories from before which makes it harder for me to believe. Though before I used to be a depressed zombie for 1-2 weeks after a visit, I now seem to be able to get back on my feet after 1-3 days. I still have my crying times... but overall I feel I get better at coping with the post-visit feelings and it gets easier to focus on the next visit, instead of the one we just had.
Having a date for the next visit is also one of the good things that can help you cope better. It might be 6 months into the future or even longer, but it gives you something to look forward to and countdown to. (you've probably noticed that a lot of us loves countdowns XD) So during your next visit, try to talk about "the next visit" before he leaves. Even though you're not able to set anything in stone, just try to talk and then work towards a goal.

[Xanahtas]

I've only met my so 3 times, the first time was awful, It took me ages to get used to it. The second time wasnt so bad, it was much easier. For some reason this on was hard. Really hard. But i found it easier to adjust. He went back a week ago, obviously i still miss him, but i know i'll see him again soon. This time was a bit harder because we've had a lot less contact than normal for us after he went back. So it went from together 24/7 to an hour a day.
I think most people find it easier each time.... only you can know after another visit.